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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - to assume this date is cancelled.

16 replies

toomuchsun · 31/05/2011 08:45

I had/have a date arranged with a man i met on online dating. We emailed a bit on the site, then he asked for my number and after a day of texts he asked me for a drink and we set something up for this coming saturday afternoon.
I couldnt do this last week as i was on holiday and he couldnt do this week as he is away for a few days.

We swapped a few texts over the coming days and now ive not heard from him for a week.

AIBU to assume its cancelled and to make other plans because i dont want to waste a precios childfree weekend sat on my bottom becuse ive been stood up at the last momment.

I know i could well contact him and ask, but being honest, i think if he needs prompting to be in contact and go on the date that doesnt bode at all well.

OP posts:

emsyj · 31/05/2011 08:48

I wouldn't contact him to prompt him, but if you have arranged to meet and the time and location then it isn't cancelled, he just doesn't have anything to say to you that can't wait til you meet face to face! I would turn up.

On the other hand, if he hasn't confirmed the details of when and where then it isn't really a date, it was just an idea and you can reasonably arrange to do something else if he doesn't contact you by tomorrow.

Original poster

toomuchsun · 31/05/2011 08:52

we have arranged time and place. but that was over a week ago - by the time of the date if i dont hear from him, thats 10 days with no contact at all.

I can see he has been online on the dating site....

I think hes changed his mind and i dont want to be a wally, hanging around outside a pub based on a date that was made 10 days previous with not so much as a hello, since then.

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 31/05/2011 08:55

I'd assume it was cancelled if all contact has ceased.

iscream · 31/05/2011 08:56

I wouldn't simply not show up. Either send a text asking if he is still on for Saturday, or send one cancelling it.

takethisonehereforastart · 31/05/2011 09:00

Send a quick text saying "still on for the weekend?" or whatever.

If he doesn't reply, don't go.

emsyj · 31/05/2011 09:03

I suppose 10 days is quite a lon time, but you say he is away for a few days this week - maybe he hasn't contacted you to confirm because he's been busy, but will confirm later in the week?

If this sort of thing bothers you tho (not confirming plans, or not doing it til last minute) then maybe move on to someone else. There are plenty of men out there after all! I am not into flakes particularly either.

cannydoit · 31/05/2011 09:09

yeah i would assume no contact would mean he has changed his mind to, but if he hasnt and you dont turn up you are going to look like a knob. i personally wouldnt send him a text i would send him a message through the dating site, just saying we still on for Saturday?
i had one guy who kept cancelling and then kept saying he was interested, you definitely have to shift the chafe on yea ol dating sites. good luck either way.

SwedishEdith · 31/05/2011 09:11

But you must have been on the site as well to know he's been on?

I know nothing of the rules of online dating so don't know whether this length of time = not good. But I'd just do the neutral "Still ok for Saturday?" text on Wed or Thurs?

SunshineisSorry · 31/05/2011 09:22

maybe he is on dadsnet saying "i dont know if the lovely lady i have arranged a date with for saturday still wants to come because there has been no contact"

send a quick text, still on for saturday? no more, no less then by his reply you can decide if you think its worth it.

BlueCat2010 · 31/05/2011 10:05

No harm in sending a text to check!

Sods law if you don't go he will be sat wondering where you are and what he has done to deserve being stood up himself.

PrincessJenga · 31/05/2011 10:17

No harm in checking. 'Still on for Saturday?' is simple, non-pushy & will put your mind at rest (or allow you to make other plans)

And yes, he probably has been back online. He's probably messaging and meeting other people as well as you. it's just sensible when you're paying for a service like online dating. Think of it more from an American 'dating' point of view. No New Yorker would commit to one person until they were sure (er, yes, Sex and the City is my only source for that!)

If you meet him, like him, meet him a few more times, still like him then you can discuss both stopping using the site.

BooBooGlass · 31/05/2011 10:21

Send a text. I never understand why people get all 'but he's been back online'. So have you. ANd really, until you've been on a few dates and actually mutually decided that you are going ot be exclusive, both sides are fine to keep looking. It'd be a bit foolish, from his point of view, not to still be looking. He hasn't even met you yet, you owe each other nothing

WhataWitch · 31/05/2011 10:33

Just to check, you are planning on taking a friend aren't you if you do go???? At least make sure people know where you are!

In my experiences, without wanting to put a downer on things, he probably hasn't followed throuh cos his wife has found the texts.....Hope not but it seems a while in the ol' cyber dating arena....

FabbyChic · 31/05/2011 10:35

I had over 50 dates 9 years ago, I never told anybody where I was going!

BooBooGlass · 31/05/2011 10:36

No I disagree that you can automatically assume he's married. And no need to take a friend as long as someone knows where you are and it's a public place. I think though with internet dating it IS better to meet as soon as possible, just because there are so many other women online that may catch his eye. If you've kept him waitign for 2 weeks, the chances are he may have met someone else and maybe doesn't know how to tell you. Which is why a quick text is all that's needed to stop any confusion.

orangehead · 31/05/2011 10:41

I wouldnt assume it is cancelled. No harm in sending a text to check.

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