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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to wait to tell him

16 replies

mumtwil · 30/05/2011 21:43

i am pregnant, wasnt planned. didnt want to be. dont agree with abortion so thats not an option, have been with the guy less than a year. he is really stressed at the mo, going through a divorce and doing his dissertation for uni he has already had an extension and i dont really want to take his mind off it. between us we have 6 kids grrr writing this it seems like a joke, a really bad one should also say before i get flamed i was on the pill and taking it properly.

OP posts:
crystalglasses · 30/05/2011 21:48

How far gone are you and when does he have to hand in his disseertation? If you've only just found out and he only has a month or 6 weeks to go, and you are absoluterly sure you want to keep the baby, I would wait until he's finished the dissertation and is less stressed.

MissVerinder · 30/05/2011 21:49

YANBU. Get your own head round it first.

Original poster
mumtwil · 30/05/2011 21:51

i dont really know only just found out i have been bleeding in my pill off weeks as normal but being sick and stuff for about 3 weeks so had a normal bleed last week.

OP posts:
DorisIsAPinkDragon · 30/05/2011 21:53

agree with cytsalglasses if he doing his disseration and had an extention it must be due in soon. wait a couple of weeks till that is off his hands.

The divorce problably isn't going to go away anytime soon so I wouldn't wait for that you might of already had it by then...

Congratulations btw even though I doesn't feel very good news atm, give yourself time... how old are you dc's?

Original poster
mumtwil · 30/05/2011 21:53

yeah miss i get that but i dont want him to feel like i left him out of it, grrr it feels wrong some how.arghhhh.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 30/05/2011 21:54

I'd wait until he has finished his dissertation, he is likely to fail if you tell him before he finishes.

Original poster
mumtwil · 30/05/2011 21:54

my other dc are 10, 6, 4

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/05/2011 21:56

take time compose yourself.deep breath
pick a good time to tell him and perhaps rehearse in your head what you will say
gather pals who will support you - perhaps who can offer practical help when you have antenatal appt etc or are tired
and take care

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 30/05/2011 21:57

nice gap's,

Make and appt with the MW and get a dating scan booked as you really have no idea.

when is his disseration due?

boilingpoint · 30/05/2011 21:58

i would tell him straight away. If he has other kids then this may be a welcome surprise. if you dont tell him then he may feel 'trapped' into the pregnancy.

That reads awfull... i dont believe in abortion either however he needs the same amount of time as you do to 'deal with it'

cannydoit · 30/05/2011 22:01

wow mum this sounds scarily like my worst nightmare my man is in exactly the same position and i had a pregnancy scare last month, same kids and everything. i would be totally freaked out as i really never wanted any more and neither does he. but if you really dont want to have an abortion then keeping it to yourself for a couple of weeks isnt going to make a huge difference, but you might find it bubbling up any way as keeping something this big to yourself might be hard and if you tell your friends or something first he might be a bit hurt. good luck hun am pm me if you want to chat.

Original poster
mumtwil · 30/05/2011 22:09

his dissertation is due in mid next week, so not really that long. i will make an app with the dr tomorrow and get referred to the mw. its just not what we had planned, i dont think he will feel trapped but i know he will be disappointed that our lives are not going to be what we had hoped for now, so do i, i suppose. i guess that in a while i will get excited and be happy about the lovely little baby i am going to have but right now i only feel sad.

OP posts:
DorisIsAPinkDragon · 31/05/2011 20:26

sadness is an understandable reaction to how the future you saw has changed.

I think waiting a week is not unreasonable maybe see if you can have the dating scan after his dissertation is handed in then he could go with you too?

HeadfirstForHalos · 31/05/2011 20:43

I would wait if it's only due in next week. It's not like keeping him in the dark for months, and if you say why I'm sure he will understand and appreciate why you waited.

magicmelons · 31/05/2011 20:50

Hard one, i can see why you would want to not tell him BUT you don't want him to feel you have left it on purpose.

I found out i was pregnant unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago it was a bit of a shock, i'm doing a Msc, working have two other dc I have important professional exams this week too and tbh it was a pain in the arse but i'm a grown up i had to suck it up and get on with it. He will have to do the same. I'd hate him to resent you for leaving him out.

magicmelons · 31/05/2011 20:51

Just seen its next week, in that case hold on, if you can.

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