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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Plenty of fish

16 replies

Mollydollydoll · 30/05/2011 13:11

My dear friend just popped over for a coffee. She's been on plenty of fish fir a few weeks now with no joy. So I said well show me your profile. She logged in and showed me. In great big capitals NO MEN WITH CHILDREN. This said about 10 times and she put I don't want to bring up someone else's brat. Yes her exact word!
Like me shes in her late 30's she's no children and doesn't want them. I said but most people our age will have kids etc.
Who's the unreasonable one?

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 30/05/2011 13:14

At least she's being honest. But you know what, I met my dp on plenty of fish and putting somehting so discriminating in her profile will potentially mean she misses someone fab. I felt noone would have me as I had kids. I've met the most wonderful man who thankfully saw me as a person before he saw me as a parent. Fwiw, I was honest about having dc in my profile. Many aren't, so she could be screwed anyway.

worraliberty · 30/05/2011 13:15

She's bloody rude so she's being unreasonable in that sense and will probably attract men who are just as rude.

As for not wanting a man with children, that's up to her.

foreverondiet · 30/05/2011 13:15

I think reasonable to not want to be a step mother to someone else's children. But it will limit her chances. Again her choice not to have children in the future, but that will limit her chances much more.

She's not unreasonable to want those things if she is happy to stay single, but would be U if she was complaining about lack of suitable men when she has ruled so many out.

smudgethepuppydog · 30/05/2011 13:16

It's probably not worded the best but just because she's female doesn't mean she has to be maternal. If she doesn't want kids, then she doesn't want them and I take my hat off to her for stating it.

TrillianAstra · 30/05/2011 13:18

She is NBU to not want to date a man with children.

She is BU to call all children "brats".

She has written a profile that makes her look very rude, and I imagine would put off a lot of men even if they don't have or want children.

troisgarcons · 30/05/2011 13:18

"brat" makes her sound aggressive and a total child hater. Which of course she may be! She probably should temper her language somewhat.

Personally, I don't see the issue with her stipulating she doesn't want the encumbrance of children. After all, there are plenty of threads on her by second wives dealing with their partners first families (grudgingly) and more than enough first wives who have the arse ache that their ex-partners have moved on and htey are left to pick up the pieces.

Not everyone wants children. Or indeed likes them. If indeed she is so dead set against them, why would she want a partner with baggage? spoiling her weekends and holidays?

I can see where she is coming from TBH.

BulletWithAName · 30/05/2011 13:19

Hmmm...it sounds harsh in the way she worded it, but at least she's being honest from the start. Would be worse if she got into a relationship with a man who has children without being honest with him about how she feels.

She is limiting her options though.

southmum · 30/05/2011 13:27

YABU

If she doesnt want kids why the hell would she want to date a man with them?

Limits her options but its no sweat off your sack surely?

cannydoit · 30/05/2011 13:27

i would only date men with children, does that make me rude, weird thing to say. you have a preference and stick to it. mine was i never wanted any more kids and knew that i was more likely to end up in that situation with a man that already had kids so i wanted to date men with kids only. she doesnt want kids stands to reason that she would only date men that dont have kids. as i recall there were quite a few on there but if she is coming off as a bitch then she isnt going to have much luck unless she is stunning.

musicmadness · 30/05/2011 13:29

She should probably rewrite it so she doesn't sound so rude but honestly I think its great that she is being up front about not wanting children (her own or otherwise), not everyone does and its much better to be honest from the start IMO.

Original poster
Mollydollydoll · 30/05/2011 13:32

I did tell her to rewrite it I can understand someone not wanted kids or wanting to be with someone who as kids but it was her wording that shocked me. She's a lovely lass really but she doesn't like kids.

OP posts:
slightlyunbalanced · 30/05/2011 13:32

I think she will just get men who want to shag her - not want a relationship -
Plenty of Fish is a bit of a sleazy site tbh - that said I met my OH there - I met a lot of losers first though Grin.

Original poster
Mollydollydoll · 30/05/2011 13:33

Yes shes upfront and that's what I like about her. If you looked shit in q dress she would tell you.

OP posts:
TiggyD · 30/05/2011 13:40

Saying you don't want somebody with children is fine. SHOUTING it 10 times and calling children brats is not so fine. Possible bunny boiler.

Original poster
Mollydollydoll · 30/05/2011 13:42

She did say she's getting messages for "intimate encounter" basically they are just after sex

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Original poster
Mollydollydoll · 30/05/2011 13:44

And I was never maternal either and never thought I'd ever have kids.

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