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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cross at DH nephew for being angry with DH

26 replies

claretandcheese · 13/05/2011 22:17

AIBU to be cross with DH nephew? His nephew is not speaking to him because he didn't get a birthday present for his girlfriend. DH did get her a present at Christmas. They are not particularly close, don't see each other much though get on fine ( he is DH sister's son and is 36 ). I am annoyed at this. I suspect they ( Sil and nehpew ) are annoyed with me too as they think I should be contributing to this gift/prompting DH to get it.

OP posts:
RobF · 13/05/2011 22:19

Who buys birthday presents for their nephews girlfriend? Are they particularly close or something?

Original poster
claretandcheese · 13/05/2011 22:19

Oh dear, nephew, not nehpew!!

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 13/05/2011 22:20

YANBU - odd

Original poster
claretandcheese · 13/05/2011 22:20

No, they're not all that close, RobF this is what baffles me.

OP posts:
millie30 · 13/05/2011 22:21

YANBU. A 36 year old sulking over a gift is pathetic.

squeakytoy · 13/05/2011 22:22

Eh? I wouldnt even get the nephew a present at that age, never mind his bloody girlfriend!!!! Weird greedy people. :(

Original poster
claretandcheese · 13/05/2011 22:28

I don't even think his girlfriend is too bothered which makes even more strange/annoying.

OP posts:
SandStorm · 13/05/2011 22:30

I don't get presents for my nephews let alone their wives!

squeakytoy · 13/05/2011 22:30

Even more weird. How on earth would you even know it was her birthday? I wouldnt know any dates other than very close family.

Original poster
claretandcheese · 13/05/2011 22:33

Sil and DN always seem to be looking out for us breaking family "rules". Except that the rules often seem to be a bit odd and therefore we break them a lot! I am relieved to see that you all don't follow this particular one.

OP posts:
Original poster
claretandcheese · 13/05/2011 22:35

I know, Squeaky, I'm not great even remembering those sometimes!

OP posts:
MCos · 14/05/2011 00:38

Nephews and Nieces get their last birthday present from me when they turn 21. I have never bought a present for girlfriend of brother/brother-in-law/nephew, etc..

The nephew sounds a bit of a wanker to me. Ignore him, and let him stew. I'd also cut him from my future presents list also!

AgentZigzag · 14/05/2011 00:42

Has something happened that's made them look through shit tinted glasses at you and your DH?

It does seem to smack of someone looking for excuses to be awkward.

DeWe · 14/05/2011 08:48

Reminds me of a comic book about Christmas we used to have when I was little.
It suggested that to reduce on buying cards/presents December was a good time to have a fall out with friends and make up in January. The cartoon that went with it had the caption: "Well Mildred, if you really think that forgetting my sister's cat's birthday was a minor oversight then I've nothing further to say to you!" And the picture had the person crossing Mildred's name off the list.

QuackQuackBoing · 14/05/2011 09:13

Nephew is being a twat.

2rebecca · 14/05/2011 09:23

I would have stopped buying the nephew presents when he reached 18. Does he buy you and all your family presents? Does his girlfriend buy you presents? Now he is an adult presents should be reciprocal.
I would maybe clarify to him that you'll just send presents to children of extended family and that he doesn't need to buy you more presents as he obviously finds the present issue stressful.
Your family is different to your SIL's family. You don't have to follow her rules, you can make up your own. It's helpful if tyhey are clarified though.
In my extended family only children get presents if not immediate family.
I my sib had a serious byfriend they'd get a present though, although would check this with sib first so no-one embarrassed by not giving a present but receiving one.

saffy85 · 14/05/2011 09:28

YANBU. Firstly it's now May. So they've presumably been sulking since December about this. Secondly the nephew is 36 years old, not 36 months. He's pathetic to sulk over a gift for someone else.

Personally, I'd not bother getting him a present from now on, really give him something to throw his toys out his pram about. Sad twat.

Original poster
claretandcheese · 14/05/2011 20:56

DeWe, thanks for sharing that cartoon, I love it! ( and so apt! )
Zigzag, nothing has happened that I know of!
Quack, he is, and DH doesn't deserve it as he is generous to him personally on birthdays etc.
MCos, I will ignore him, I think DH finds it harder to as nephew's dad left when he was a baby and he had always felt for him because of that.
Rebecca, good point.
Saffy, Maybe I should get him a pram. and some toys to throw out of it!

This section is great as I couldn't just ask people I know if I was BU. Thanks.Smile

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 14/05/2011 21:21

How did your DH find out they weren't talking to him?

Someone must have made an effort to tell you you were being ignored.

My SIL sent me a shitty text asking why I hadn't sorted DH out to send his mum a birthday card, she wasn't too happy when I asked her not to talk to me like a 5 YO and why she'd not just text DH to ask him.

Cheeky mare Grin

Original poster
claretandcheese · 14/05/2011 21:35

Zigzag, it was SIL who told DH that nephew was angry. She also got cross when we decided not to give our DD a name that her Dad liked. He had sadly died just before DD was born. DH had gone to pick her up (with 2 and 4 yr old ) to visit us in hospital and she refused to come. I often know that when we visit that I've offended some rule or other of hers but don't know which ones. Or why. It's quite wearing so I tend to opt out of this when I can.

Your SIL sounds lovely too!

OP posts:
Sqee · 14/05/2011 21:41

My DP has 7 uncles... I'm owed a lot of prezzies!

ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy · 14/05/2011 21:59

YANBU I wouldn't expect a present off of a bf's uncle. I wouldn't even expect one of his parents. Weird people Confused

I'd be so tempted to send him a pram with toys though Grin

AgentZigzag · 14/05/2011 22:00

Could the death of her Dad affected how your SIL felt she could cope coming in to see you and your new DD in hospital claret? (and cheese as well )

Not the same situation, but I know my dad wasn't able to come back to see our DD2 in the hospital because of the break up of his marriage to my mum two years previously, and he just couldn't get past the fact that he'd lost enjoying her together.

But it was a bit odd until I knew the reason why he couldn't come back to visit.

I'm making up the eg, but if your FIL was in hospital before he died, it may have been really raw for her.

Although I'm most probably talking shite and she's just another annoying SIL Grin

AgentZigzag · 14/05/2011 22:02

Oh yeah, and I wouldn't worry yourself with the random rule breaking, manipulative and controlling people love to sting those around them by pouncing on some imagined faux pas, leaving the other person fruitlessly trying to make sense of a random set of rules.

Salmotrutta · 14/05/2011 22:06

Once nephews and nieces reach 16 we don't do pressies, apart from their 21st. Stop the Christmas ones at around the same age as we now have our own grandchildren and still have several lttle nieces and nephews.
We have never bought gifts for girlfriends/boyfriends - that's just a step too far.