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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ring my sons preschool?

22 replies

ilovepancakes · 28/04/2011 20:06

My DS came home from preschool today claiming that 3 children in his class spat at him.
Naturally i was concerned about this and phoned the school to see if they knew anything about it.
The teacher i spoke to said that she was supervising and that this was not the case.
When i asked my DS again after the brief chat with the teacher he then changed his story and said they were playing.
Why would he lie like this? I don't understand?
Is it normal for a 4 year old to do things like this?
I must stress though he has had 2 major changes in his life both within a year(NEW BABY SISTER AT THE SAME TIME AS STARTING PRESCHOOL).
He never usually lies (only white lies every now and then)
I did not tell him off, i simply explained that it is not good to tell a lie and left it at that, but i feel a bit silly phoning the school now

OP posts:

CurrySpice · 28/04/2011 20:09

It's not a lie as such, it's a story iykwim. Chances are they were all spitting and he realised when he saw your reaction that he should back track sharpish!

And an early lesson in not steaming in to school etc on the strength of the child's version of events alone ;) :o

Don't take it too much to heart

CurrySpice · 28/04/2011 20:09

I hate not being able to edit here

clam · 28/04/2011 20:13

Well, I guess the good news is that you've learned this lesson early in your son's school career. Which is: ALWAYS check out the story before steaming in to have a go at the teacher. Sadly, there are many parents out there, of much older children, who have yet to learn this one!

AgentZigzag · 28/04/2011 20:14

Definately couldn't be described as lying.

I think of childrens version of event as about a quarter of what actually happened in the situation, and I never get steamed up about it until I've heard at least half the story

worraliberty · 28/04/2011 20:16

Maybe they spat as they spoke or blew a raspberry?

Somtimes there's a half truth in a story.

Original poster

ilovepancakes · 28/04/2011 20:24

I rang the teacher and i can assure you i did not have a go at her as i know my son is very sensitive and can sometimes take things the wrong way.
I simply asked her if she saw anything and she said nothing happened and i accepted her answer.
In fact i felt uncomfortable asking her as i am bit of a shy gal myself

OP posts:

travellingwilbury · 28/04/2011 20:28

Please don't worry about it . It is your son realising that you don't know everything that goes on and testing it out . Up until this age he has probably thought you were magic and knew everything he had ever done . He is realising that now you don't .
You will hear worse , it was fine you rang the school , they will be use to it .

It is a completely normal stage .

AgentZigzag · 28/04/2011 20:38

Your OP makes it seem as though you're asking whether significant events in your DSs life (school/babysitter) have made him start lying to you, indicating there's perhaps evidence they've upset him in the way you see his behaviour as changing.

I don't think anyone's saying they think you were rude or overbearing when you asked the teacher about it, rather that you learn from experience that you only get a selective version of events and not to take everything at face value until you know it checks out.

It's awful when your DC tell you something, you go off all uppity to ask parent/teacher about it and it turns out to be nothing like the story you've just got worked up over

Original poster

ilovepancakes · 28/04/2011 20:50

I'm just worried that if he really did get picked on one day and i did nothing about it how bad would i feel?

OP posts:

travellingwilbury · 28/04/2011 21:00

Don't worry about it , does your son know you rang up ? He needs to know that his mum will always listen to what he says and now he knows that she will check up on him even when he is talking rubbish .

You did the right thing and he isn't doing anything wrong .

Honestly the pre school will get plenty of phone calls like this and will think nothing of it .

BuntyPenfold · 28/04/2011 21:08

He isn't lying, he is trying out different realities.
Normal :)

cory · 28/04/2011 21:14

My MIL is 85, but she still cringes at the memory of how she went steaming into dh's infant school to tell them off for teaching wrestling in PE lessons. As if!

My nephew dragged my db out to the late-night surgery claiming that he had a bad earache. It was only after the GP had looked into both his ears twice and failed to find anything that he piped up with "Oh, I was only joking".

As Bunty says, it is normal; they try out different realities.

The one I liked best was my niece pointing to a house she passed while out walking with her mum and explaining that this was where her cousins used to live. "But then the lions came..."

Original poster

ilovepancakes · 28/04/2011 21:17

Yes he knows travel.
I think he realized it was wrong in the end bless him.
I played a little game with him to see if he knew the difference between truth and lies (which he enjoyed) and then explained to him what a lie was and why its not a good thing.
At least i know now not to worry too much (natural born worrier me )

OP posts:

BanalChelping · 28/04/2011 21:19

Oh it's normal. DS1 comes out with all sorts of shitehas a very active imagination and regularly tells me tall tales.

BuntyPenfold · 28/04/2011 21:19

the lions

travellingwilbury · 28/04/2011 21:21

I love the lions

Original poster

ilovepancakes · 28/04/2011 21:21

perhaps the word lie was a bit strong? thats a good way to think of it bunty

OP posts:

Original poster

ilovepancakes · 28/04/2011 21:23

I think porkys is a better word in future lol!

OP posts:

Original poster

ilovepancakes · 28/04/2011 21:26

how can a thread turn from the subject calling preschool to lions lol! quite funny really

OP posts:

Northeastgirl · 28/04/2011 21:41

Lions - brilliant!

OP - don't worry, the teacher would have forgotten your call immediately, it's no big deal. All kids have good imaginations. My daughter sees a dragon on every street corner

heliumballoons · 28/04/2011 21:49

OP never worry, my DS is 6 now and year 2 and when his stories version of events sounds ominous I say 'oh darling I'm sorry that happened, I'll ring Mrs X tomorrow about it' And out comes the truth at 100 miles an hour.

I felt the same as you when DS was that age and did the same thing, and I was told the same thing.

In your situation today its usually a game they didn't enjoy and couldn't tell their friends so joined in and tell you they didn't like it. Its just a mixture of the truth and feelings which at this age get mixed up.

pingu2209 · 28/04/2011 22:52

They could have blown a raspberry at him, my children call this spitting even though it isn't really.

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