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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not quite understand the logic?

22 replies

Glitterknickaz · 14/03/2011 11:08

On Friday the school are doing a 'funny hat day' for Red Nose Day. The kids get to wear a funny hat, bring in a silver coin with the proceeds going to Comic Relief.

I have heard that one parent at the school will be sending their child in a funny hat, but instead of donating to Comic Relief they will be donating to Cancer Research instead.

I am a supporter of Cancer Research, I am doing Race for Life for the second time in the summer because I've lost people close to me to cancer and had friends undergo some pretty gruelling treatment, but I think Friday isn't the day to do this. I'd definitely support any efforts for school fundraising for Cancer Research on another day too.

AIBU to think that fundraising for Comic Relief doesn't detract from other charities, and doing this when they've not even asked the school to do a Cancer Research fundraiser is perhaps a little unnecessary?

Obviously this parent does have the choice to not send their child in a funny hat and not contribute if they feel that strongly.

I may be U, I honestly don't know. Any thoughts?

OP posts:

MillsAndDoom · 14/03/2011 11:09

Hmm that kind of singles out the child a bit

squeakytoy · 14/03/2011 11:10

I do hate the "my chosen charity is much more worthy than yours" type of people..

Original poster

Glitterknickaz · 14/03/2011 11:10

I really do understand that some charities are really important to people, Cancer Research is to me. I honestly just don't understand it.

OP posts:

melpomene · 14/03/2011 11:11

A bit strange. Do they have some active objection to Comic Relief? If not, surely they can donate to both.

coco2901 · 14/03/2011 12:00

I went to a catholic school and if I remember correctly we weren't allowed to do comic relief fundraising.... may have been some 'pro-life' type issue, I can't quite remember. could it be something along these lines?

Pagwatch · 14/03/2011 12:02

It is stupid and precious.
If you are passionate about cancer research then match your comic relief donation with a separate donation to them.

They are just being a pain in the arse.

meditrina · 14/03/2011 12:12

I find it really, really odd. If your DC wanted to be like their friends and wear a poppy, you put a coin in the RBL box, not another charity. If someone asks you to sponsor them for RNLI, you give the money for that, not sponsor them for another charity. Or you don't participate.

Red Nose Day is a specific fund-raiser for a specific organisation. You either take part or you don't. It's not a pick and mix.

SuchProspects · 14/03/2011 12:13

Since you apparently haven't bothered to ask what her logic is YABU to declare that you don't get it. She may have a principled objection to Comic Relief, or a history of traumatic clown incidents, or a very recent and close brush with cancer, or a love of being contrary.

Her reasons may be logical or not, they may be understandable or not. But since you've just heard brief playground rumours you don't even know if she's actually doing it, let alone what her reasons are.

fedupofnamechanging · 14/03/2011 12:20

I know I'm going to sound really tight for saying this, but I don't like the enforced fundraising that goes on for comic relief. My sons school is taking all the children and staff off timetable on Friday, for a whole day of fundraising. They aim to raise £10,000, which is an awful lot per child.

They wouldn't do that for other charities, which are arguably more in need, because they don't have the huge amount of publicity and national fundraising that comic Relief gets.

Possibly this mother feels the same way.

It singles out your child not to take part when the whole school is devoted to it, but perhaps she feels her money would do more good if spent elsewhere

thefurryone · 14/03/2011 12:29

They wouldn't do that for other charities, which are arguably more in need, because they don't have the huge amount of publicity and national fundraising that comic Relief gets.

But the money raised by comic relief (and other events such as Children in Need) is actually distributed through a large number of different charities many of which get little or no publicity ever.

fedupofnamechanging · 14/03/2011 12:34

So really you don't know exactly where your money is going, and have to trust that it is to something that you might want to donate to?

There are thousands of charities in the world. What makes these ones more important than the others, that they get national coverage and whole schools taken off timetable to fund raise?

thefurryone · 14/03/2011 12:40

Well they spend the whole night showing you examples of the type of projects that you donate to and have extensive information on their website regarding the projects that they fund. If you want to be sure where your money is going then do some research. The same goes for any charity.

LaWeasel · 14/03/2011 12:41

It seems unlikely that they are doing it to support a smaller charity.

They are doing it for cancer research! Which raises a fortune in it's own right...

meditrina · 14/03/2011 12:43

I missed that it was playground rumour. If it's hearsay, then - ignore.

Our school does two or three fundraising days a year - charities are chosen by the Pupil Parliament. Red Nose Day is always chosen (red dress up day, and noses). We had a spontaneous extra one for Haiti (note to self, ask about Japan).

fedupofnamechanging · 14/03/2011 12:48

thefurryone you don't know where your money is specifically going.

Not saying that comic relief charities are not worthwhile - of course they are. Only that individuals have their own charities which are particularly important to them, so might prefer to donate to those directly.

I have no objection to TV events like comic relief - you can choose to take part, or not. My objection is only to taking children off timetable for this. I can't see what makes it more important that any of the other thousands of charities who won't benefit from Comic Relief.

thefurryone · 14/03/2011 13:06

Well you can argue that you never know exactly where your money is going with any charity unless you specifically donate to a particular project or a very very small charity as they will all be involved in a number of different projects and have their funds diverted into different areas.

I don't see the problem with teaching children that they actually live an incredibly privileged life in which running water is always on tap, where they will not have to worry about where the next meal is coming from and where they will all be offered an education through such days, and that because of this it is good to help those less fortunate.

Baggypussy · 14/03/2011 13:16

I once worked with a total tosser man who had an objection to Comic Relief as it supported charities for those less fortunate overseas. He didn't believe that ANY proceeds should benefit ANYONE other than UK Nationals. Thoroughly charming man- and he was a Bank Manager aswell.

fedupofnamechanging · 14/03/2011 13:18

I don't have a problem with them teaching children that either, but a whole day off timetable to do 'fun' activities, with an expectation that each child will make a considerable financial contribution is something that I am not entirely happy about.

If I wanted to take my DC out of school for the day to do something I consider to be fun, the school would likely object.

thefurryone · 14/03/2011 13:24

I don't see anything wrong with children having fun at school every now and then, life is too short to be serious all the time, but I do agree that it is wrong to expect parents to contribute large amounts financially. I always had to use my own pocket money and will be making my children do the same.

curlymama · 14/03/2011 13:29

I agree entirely with karmabeliever.

It is wrong that we as parents are put in the position of having to support a charity that we may or may not believe in, or our child has to be left out of a whole school event. I don't want to give money to Comic relief either, and my ds's school is doing something simelar. I don't mind buying them a nose, because they want one, but I would much rather give money to a charity that is close to me and that I care about.

Events like Red Nose Day do take away from other charities, because unfortunately some people will only give money to a cause that is big and which they get public recognition for. Like celebrities or big chains of supermarkets. Indidviduals may choose to give money to charity, but they choose comic relief because it is made so easy for them. But if it wasn't, they might make the effort to give to a smaller charity, and in the process learn about them, and then offer help in other ways. Instead they give to a big, over publicised charity and feel like they have done their bit and don't have to bother anymore.

onlyjuststillme · 14/03/2011 13:29

I think that if someone does not want to give money to a specific charity due to their personal beliefs (However silly or unsubstantiated they may be) they should not be forced to. It is not fair to have those beliefs visibly thrust upon a child in order to single them out (by not wearing said silly hat).

In this case a comprimise has been made.

I dont think singling a child out for the sake of charity is acceptable. I also really feel for those children whose families are living on the bread line and cant afford to donate to charity.

Charity donations are voluntary and should not result in children being excluded from activies.

All of the above is said as someone who regularly donates to various charities!

ReindeerBollocks · 14/03/2011 13:58

YANBU in wondering why they are choosing to be awkward. Everyone generally has a charity they would prefer to donate to, but like you said, either participate and donate to that specific charity or don't take part at all and give that donation to the charity of your choice.

DS's school don't ever do national charity fundraising - it's a Catholic school so they don't celebrate RND, and I have approached them WRT fundraising for the charity that DS's illness is linked to. They flatly refuse on all grounds - they will only fundraise for the school, and now I appreciate the sense in that.

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