Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you be happy for your DC to marry other race/culture?

219 replies

sundayrose10 · 17/02/2011 01:04

Just honest answers please. Ta

OP posts:
SpeedyGonzalez · 17/02/2011 01:09

I know you mean 'skin colours' when you say 'race'...but aaargggh when people say 'race' in this way I want to eat my hair. There's no such thing as 'race' apart from the human race.

Grin

In answer to your question! Yup, wouldn't bother me - not least because they'd call me a hypocrite if I complained Grin.

Why are you asking?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 17/02/2011 01:10

As opposed to what sorts of answers?

I would be unhappy if my daughter married a man who adhered to a culture which treated women like crap.

But you know, that's all of them.

No issues with race.

I suppose it would be difficult if your child married into a culture that was very different from your own, just because it's hard when your children have a very different life path or family model from your own. It would be easy to feel excluded.

llbeanj · 17/02/2011 01:11

a vulcan would be ok, or maybe a romulan, but i draw the line at klingons

Mahraih · 17/02/2011 01:13

Uh, yes.

Unless that culture heavily subscribed to, say, cannibalism.

We are a mixed race family anyway.

BooyFuckingHoo · 17/02/2011 01:16

erm, yes, why wouldn't i be? Confused

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 17/02/2011 01:18

Speedy, really? I am woefully ignorant.

Doesn't race mean a classification by geographic ancestry, appearance determiend by...do I mean genotype? and culture? Like Caucasian, African, etc?

I know nothing about this, please enlighten me.

frgr · 17/02/2011 01:18

Not if that race/culture conflicted with my own political or strong social beliefs e.g. the right of a woman to access education, or something.

frgr · 17/02/2011 01:20

Oh I assumed we were talking about heavily influenced "race" issues such as e.g. Jewish families. I'm not sure where the boundaries lie between race and culture, but if we're just talking about "would i be happy to have my DC marry someoe who looks different to them", that wouldn't be an issue of course. Just as long as the cultural way of life wasn't at odds with what I consider the best for my child.

Can you clarify what you mean, OP?

giyadas · 17/02/2011 01:22

llbeanj - borg would be my preference, but vulcan or romulan would be ok. I'm not racist but....klingons aren't really us , IYKWIM.

SpeedyGonzalez · 17/02/2011 01:23

Tortoise - Yup. There's no genetic determinant that says 'you will be of this race'. There are also far more similarities than differences between the various ethnicities, because (a) we all stem from the same source, and (b) there's been so much 'intermixing' (for want of a less perjorative term) that it's recognised as a meaningless concept by very respectable geneticists.

So you have genetic determinants that give you your skin colour, your hair type, your blahblahgadiddly, but there are SO many possible (and actual) variations that you just can't have a clear racial genetic profile.

Interesting stuff, innit? Grin

EngelbertFustianMcSlinkydog · 17/02/2011 01:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsFionaCharming · 17/02/2011 01:39

LLbeanj and giyadas. Really?! You'd be happy with vulcan?! But how could your child be in a happy relationship with someone who refuses to show their emotions?!

giyadas · 17/02/2011 01:41

I show my emotions all the time, she'd probably be glad of the break. Grin

giyadas · 17/02/2011 01:43

that should probably be Angry Sad Envy Grin Blush Biscuit
Who wouldn't want a vulcan after that lot?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 17/02/2011 01:43

This makes perfect sense, Speedy. As soon as I thought about it (I never have) I was like...oh yeah.

Excellent. A day in which I learn something I should've already known is a good day.

(As an aside, my husband did the Genographic Project a few years ago. Fascinating stuff).

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 17/02/2011 01:47

Christ.....my husband must be a vulcan! And I just thought he was a dour old beggar.

giyadas · 17/02/2011 01:51

and Blush at scribbling on another MN's thread. sorry
I agree with those who say that shared values is the most important thing but race wouldn't bother me. As long as I could trust her partner to treat her with respect and was genuinely a 'friend' to her, I would be happy.

togarama · 17/02/2011 04:15

Wouldn't cross my mind - I just can't imagine caring.

Like others I'd be a concerned if someone claimed that violence, misogyny, cannabalism, paedaphilia etc.. were part of their culture!

Speedy: Totally agree! There's some very common fundamental misunderstandings around about the concept of race...

HowsTheSerenity · 17/02/2011 04:32

I know my mother would go insane if I married someone who was black, muslim, sikh or aboriginal. But then again she is a racist bigot.

I would think I would be happy for my dc's to marry whomever then choose but I think I would be concerned if they wanted to marry someone with ideals that would hinder thier lifestyle or was illegal.

Cadpat · 17/02/2011 04:55

I couldn't care less if she married/ lived with/ was partners/ was friends with benefits with any Man/ Woman/ Vulcan/ Borg/ Romulan/ Klingon/ Ewok/ Wookie/ Sith/ Vampire/ (unless he looked like Rob Pattinson, in which case I will try to steal him off her)

If he/ or she/ or it treated her like crap, they would have me to answer to (even if he/ she/ it looked like Rob Pattinson)

Simples :-)

NoDiving · 17/02/2011 04:57

My Dc are English Irish Macedonian Turks.

It's funny though, my friend posed the question recently , 'African american is so widely used so why not 'african aglican'

I think we have less issues with race an

nooka · 17/02/2011 05:06

My mother was really quite upset when I took up with someone very obviously working class, so I think that class should be added into the mix (of course she might just not have liked him,but there ares some significant cultural differences). But really it is about sharing values. I suspect that we would all be sad if our children chose someone with a very different value system, because it might feel like a rejection.

ChocolateMoose · 17/02/2011 05:32

TBH, I'd be selfishly concerned if one of my DC was in a serious relationship with someone from a different country. I have no desire for my children to up sticks and go and live in New Zealand or wherever. I guess that would also apply to the interplanetary relationships mentioned here!

GotArt · 17/02/2011 05:52

I would only be concerned about monotheistic religious zealots tbh. My nan, although loved DH very much, did make a comment once about 'Be careful; you know what Italian men are like.' I wasn't entirely sure what she meant but I think it had something to do with them being notorious for cheating. Hmm

GotArt · 17/02/2011 06:00

He's only half Italian anyhow; his mom, whom raised him, is from Manchester and he himself was born in Canada.