Would you be happy for your DC to marry other race/culture?

[sundayrose10]

Just honest answers please. Ta

Hm. This is all academic, as I don't have any DCs.

TBH, I hope any children I have don't end up too super different, or marry anyone too different than DP and I (in terms of many things, religious views, political views, views on the importance of culture/curiosity etc.) and this is why. I am very different from my immediate family - I don't share any interests that they have, we have very different views on pretty much all topics ( for e.g. in politics they're all sort of conservative/right wingy end of the scale, I'm more liberatarian lefty hippy end of the scale. Sample comment from family member helping me move out of my old flat which was ex-council "they're very different people from us, these people who live in council flats") and for some family members, have very very VERY different moral standards/views on acceptable behaviour, and it's heart-breaking. It's very difficult not feeling part of something you should feel very much a part of (i.e. your family). Obviously I love them, I try to get them and get one with them, but it's difficult and there are times when you have to make very tough decisions about putting who you are above what your family thinks or expects. You also get some really bad permanent scars on your tongue from having to bite it so much

My brother is in a relationship with an American girl, who is from a very religious family. My brother is an atheist. Already her family have expressed concerns about her being involved with a non religious foreigner and I can see problems emerging if they get married and have children. Religion is not something you can really compromise on.

I think life is so much easier if you marry someone who views life the same way that you do. It's not a question of colour, it's about being able to live together without one person imposing their beliefs/way of life upon the other. Perhaps a couple with no children can agree to disagree, but it's natural to want to bring up your kids the way that you believe is right. What happens if your spouse believes something totally different. Someone is going to have to give in and I think that is where problems occur.

My background is Irish Catholic and DH's is Jewish Orthodox though we are both atheist and proud of it. My parents, though originally opposed to our marriage, came around with the arrival of grandchildren, sadly MIL never did and never met her my daughters. I really don't care who my daughters choose for partners and DH will accept anyone apart from Arsenal supporters.

Yep, I'd go apeshit if my DC's didn't marry someone who was 3/16ths black with Scottish, Irish, Jewish and Italian heritage. Absolutely apeshit!

i can do scottish irish jewish if ya like - choice of boy or girl? or is the lack of Italian a dealbreaker?

Hmmm, we'd have to do some serious negotiating...

I could do Irish, Jewish and Italian Starlight? I quite like this idea of choosing future spouses for my DC. Am in training to be the kind of MIL that threads on MN are started about

"I think life is so much easier if you marry someone who views life the same way that you do...What happens if your spouse believes something totally different. Someone is going to have to give in and I think that is where problems occur."

Karma, DH and I view life very differently and we've managed OK for 11 years! We compromise which, imo, is what grown ups do in order to make life bearable. Life would be VERY boring if he just thought the same things as me.

Of course. I would be happy for DS to marry anyone who will make him happy.

SundayRose: My DP is in this country because his grandparents had the same view as your friends - his parents had to leave their country to be together (though the issue was religion and ethnicicity / culture rather than racial type).

For anyone to hold such narrow, entrenched views is just shutting themselves down, closing themselves off and shortening their horizons - my DPs grandparents lost their children and their grandchildren - your friends will, sadly, suffer the same if they keep this up. And it's senseless: DP and my DS don't have LESS of an identification with DP's background because they also have other relationships.

Glad it's worked out for you feralgirl. To clarify, I know it's not impossible, just not as easy as if you already have the same outlook. I do think that there are some issues where it is harder to compromise than others.

With my brothers situation in mind, if people don't mind me asking, how have you compromised wrt very different religious beliefs.

I would be disappointed if they married a racist or a bigot or a Tory but apart from that I really don't mind. Stupid question tbh.

No problem at all if my son wants to marry someone from a different culture or race. He's a mix of cultures (English and Polish) to start with anyway. And mixed-race too, to the sort of person who distinguishes Anglo-Saxon from Slav.

As long as the person my daughter decides to be with treats her well, with respect, loves and cares for her, I wouldn't care if they were black/white/purple/yellow/male/female.

An understanding of shared values is important - but values can be shared across race, religion, class, everything.

DPs backgorund is a mixture of muslim and hindu. The biggest problem I currently have re the values of sexual equality is explaining to DS why if Kate and Will's first child is a girl she will be overlooked as next monarch, and why the CoE won't allow women as bishops etc. We'll be condemning the values on which our own British establishment / culture is built - so a high degree of complexity can occur. None of us are the parrotting clnes of our cultural stereotypes, hopefully.

My son and daughter can marry whoever, whatever they want. I'd prefer them not to marry or cohabit at all - with anyone! Just bad experience on my part (getting divorced and all that). But it's their business. I would love them to engage with people from different cultures, intermarry - that's healthy and necessary for the human race. I say "bring it on!".

fakeplastictrees

Not all Israelis are Jewish. Under the right of return one Jewish grandparent is required to claim nationality - you can imagine that many of these people don't consider themselves to be Jewish.

Many Arabs also have Israeli nationality and are for the most part Muslim or Christian.

It is also possible to gain Israeli nationality by residence.

There are definitely cultural isues I would be uncomfortable with - extreme political views (especially to the tight) or extreme religious views. Dh and I have a ton of this in our families already - we are refugees and I would be pretty gutted to see dd get involved with any of that crap.

I am mixed race myself (by common usage of those terms). Dd is totally snow white though and I think I'd rather enjoy having another tinted member of the family.

right even

What I do find a bit perplexing is man & woman who get together who can't speak each other's languages - and I mean barely any words. Saying that - this happened to my parents - they were happily married until his death last year (45 years in total) - so I say "bring it on!" (again) - this also goes for same sex relationships.