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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be happy for your DC to marry other race/culture?

219 replies

sundayrose10 · 17/02/2011 01:04

Just honest answers please. Ta

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 17/02/2011 14:02

Got to say, I loathe this kind of thing. Over the years I have had such horrid things said about my family (West African father, European mother) by people with attitudes like your friend. One person actually suggested to me that my father had an inferiority complex and my mother suscribed to sexual sterotypes and myths about black men, and that had to be why they got together. Since my parents had been married about 35 years at this point I did acidly comment that if those motives led to such strong marriages maybe more people should have them.

caramelwaffle · 17/02/2011 14:04

Well said Eldritch

Bluemoonrising · 17/02/2011 14:07

I want my children to choose a life partner that they are genuinely happy with.

Ethnicity, religion, family history are all immaterial in comparison.

Lovecat · 17/02/2011 14:08

Actually, the current object of DD's affection is a Sikh boy who has informed her that he can't be her boyfriend because he can only go out with other Sikhs - I found this out because she was asking me what a Sikh was and why weren't we Sikhs?! Poor thing, she's only six!

mayorquimby · 17/02/2011 14:18

Race no issue. Culture possibly not happy with it but what can you do? it's their life.

KerryMumbles · 17/02/2011 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RunnerHasbeen · 17/02/2011 14:27

One thing that would worry me about some other cultures is that in some cases they are more bothered about people marrying someone of the same background. My friend had an arranged marriage and the criteria were stupendous (skin tone, caste, religion, education, part of the country she was from etc). I saw how badly her parents would treat someone who didn't meet that criteria and that would worry me for my DCs. I wasn't even allowed to be god-parent for her DD because I was white.

My dad's parents were awful to my mum (she was from a poorer background), so I really appreciate how well I get on with my in-laws. Although their being in a happy relationship is the most important thing, I would be really sad if there were people in their lives making them miserable.

The only other worry I would have, is if they married someone who wasn't a native English speaker there would be more times I would have to explain my DH's terrible jokes, thus making them even more terrible (not offensive, more puns and the like)!

Skin colour, gender, mild religious beliefs that aren't a day-to-day issue - non issues really.

gorionine · 17/02/2011 14:41

jonicomelately Thu 17-Feb-11 13:43:09

*I would be shocked if DS1 didn't marry a girl who was at the very least duel heritage. His first crush was on a girl who was White British/Pakistani. I think he's still completely in love with her. His TV crushes are all women who are black, mixed race etc.

He's white, blond haired, blue eyed, but if he brought home the female equivalent I'd be shock*

When I introduced DH to my parents (pre getting married) my mum told me that she always new I would marry someone of a different culture. She was bang on and was bang on again with my little brother as she used to say when he was little "he will marry someone older subsatancially older than himself!" He is not married yet but all his GF have always been much older than him (15 to 20 years older).

I said in my previous post that my parents were very happy with my choice but my sister cried when I told her I was going to marry a Muslim man and tried everything she could to make me change my mind, until she actually met him and realised that being a Muslim man was not = being a total monster.

ScramVonChubby · 17/02/2011 14:44

'many cultures are forbidden from marrying outside of their culture\religion...

is that wrong as well?

Or is it racist?

Sometimes racist, sometimes cultural, always morally wrong 9though I guess if you thought your daughter would be ostracised if tehy amrried the 'wrong' person morals might become understandably disposable).

But from a safe UK viewpoint absolutely wrong.

SaggyHairyArse · 17/02/2011 15:04

I would be a hypocrite if I took issue with this.

ThePosieParker · 17/02/2011 18:23

many cultures are forbidden from marrying outside of their culture\religion...

is that wrong as well?

Or is it racist?

Blatantly racist.

Hypocrite?

jonicomelately · 17/02/2011 18:49

gorionine.

Your comments are really interesting.

I could of course be completely wrong, as he is very young, but he definitely has a 'type.'

singingsoprano · 17/02/2011 19:06

I agree with This is My Nickname.
Smile

cory · 17/02/2011 19:32

I could hardly have views on my dcs marrying a non-native English speaker since I am not one myself, nor on someone from another country (again, their old mum)- and my extended family is already racially mixed, so too late for any shockers there.

innocent-21 · 17/02/2011 19:35

I have 2DS's - without doubt they can marry whoever they choose.

Very simple but answered the original question Smile

Tes

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 17/02/2011 19:37

I wouldn't be 'happy' or 'unhappy' - my feelings would be based on the individual and it would not matter want skin colour they had.

Religion is another issue. But that's my deal.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 17/02/2011 19:37

Or indeed what shape their genitals were. Smile

crystalglasses · 17/02/2011 19:45

This is going off topic but I don't mind if my dd is married or not. I would want any partner, what ever ethnic or religious background to support her and care for her in the same way as my dh has done for me. This is probably a really old fashioned view but I don't want my dd to financially support anyone who is unwilling to work (ie live off her) as I believe couples should work as a team. I know this is a double standard because if it was a ds I would expect him to support his partner.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 17/02/2011 20:13

You know, I've never even thought about it. Why on earth would it be an issue? People are people, surely.

begonyabampot · 17/02/2011 20:18

I wouldn't have a problem but it could be a bit weird if all your family are one race, from one country and culture and the future offspring could change colour, religion and culture due to marriage and migration. The Bampots of Belfast might end up in the future as a tribal family in the Kalahari. This must be harder for the older generations who didn't grow up in such a liberal and multicultural society.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 17/02/2011 20:20

But, Begonya, I fail to see how it could be seen as a bad thing.

begonyabampot · 17/02/2011 20:20

Also, in the future - wonder if everyone will look the same and the different race characteristics will die out - big melting pot kind of thing. Shame in a way to lose the uniqueness of different races but the world might be a bit more peaceful.

pranma · 17/02/2011 20:20

My ds is married to a Turkish Muslim.She is a wonderful wife and mother and I am proud to have her as my d-i-l.

maddy68 · 17/02/2011 20:26

I would be happy with anyone as long as they treated her well. my daughter (white - atheist) has had relationships with a muslim who teated her like a princess (until they broke up due to his arranged marriage) and a black christian who was also lovely. No problem with colour at all

begonyabampot · 17/02/2011 20:34

whydobirds - didn't say it was a bad thing, didn't mean to imply it was. Just a wee bit strange to think a family history/ name could take a completely different route.