Would you be happy for your DC to marry other race/culture?

[sundayrose10]

Just honest answers please. Ta

I have just accepted that their choice is nothing to do with me, my job is to get on with their choice and be pleased for them.

I would support DC marrying whoever they chose, but I would worrry a little if they married someone from a different culture simply because I think it can be hard. Doesn't mean it can't be done.

DH and I were born in the same country, are both white, but have a very different cultural background and while we are super happy, it has been hard at times, and it still is. Silly things like the difference in how we believe extended family should be treated etc. Doesn't mean we haven't made it work, just that it surprisingly harder. And so I'd feel the same for DC - they can and should marry whoever they want but some choices might mean a bit more work in the beginning.

Similarly, the actual skin colour thing is therefore less of an issue for me - two young people, both born and bred in the UK, brought up similarly etc would be the same cultural background I think and therefore I can't see them having issues.

i don't mind its dcs choice, they are mixed themselves.
the responses about not marrying a religious person, no grandchild of mine will be circumcised bla bla bla - guess what, it's not your choice so let your dc make their own decisions. it comes across as very pathetic.

I would be very very unhappy if I had a daughter who met someone and being with them meant she had to conform to a whole new way of life which restricted her freedom.

I can't believe there are so many posts that aren't saying what they think-

"covering up"
"women who are restricted in freedom"
"circumcision"

Doesn't take a genius to understand what you're getting at.

You can only marry an individual, not a race or culture.

As long as they are happy, I would be.

I hope that DS will grow up to know that we will be happy with him marrying/civil partnering (although I hope that difference will have gone by the time he is old enough) any person he cares to fall in love with and be loved by. It'll be up to him to work out the details with any future partner and make their own mistakes like we have

Ok, I think there are 2 answers here, so I'll try to be honest and hope not to be flamed.

I wouldn't care at all about the race of the man she married, as someone else pointed out, no matter the colour of our skin, we're all human and therefore, the same!

However, I would probably be a little uncomfortable if she married into a culture/faith which required her to defer to men or change her beliefs or way of life.

I want my dd to be free to live her life the way she wants without someone else telling her she can't do certain things. Although of course, she doesn't have to marry outside her culture to end up with a restrictive partner.

I just hope that whoever she marries will cherish her and treat her with dignity and love, that's all we can ask for our children.

Race - whatever

Religion - depends if you mean religious background or strongly-held religious views. I wouldn't want my children to marry someone who really believed strongly in something that they did not believe in because I don't think they could be happy.

The most important thing is to have shared goals and ideals, and while that more often will come from being brought up in a similar background it's certainly not a requirement.

I wasn't referring to Muslims actually.

But if, your dd, chose to marry say a Jewish man, and he required her to not wear low cut tops and she was happy to go along with that, would that be acceptable?

I would assume that I have brought my DCs up to think for themselves and if they are going to marry into a restrictive culture I failed somewhere along the line. It is too late by the time they are adults to instill it and so you have to go along with their choice.
You really will be the MIL from hell if you have your own idea of partner and you don't accept the partner because it isn't what you wanted!

Perhaps there are a lot of really open minded people here, which is great. However a member of my extended family married into a catholic family and converted to catholicism to enable this. Her DD (9) comes out with stuff like 'gay people who live together will go to hell' and 'god is watching you all the time', which I must admit, freaks me out a bit, but she is supported by her parents. It's made the some members of the family very sad that the child is being brought up like this, and does cause massive rows a few problems.

Any man could ask his wife to not wear low cut tops.. regardless of race or religion.

I have seen non-muslim girls marry muslim men and have rarely seen it work happily. I a not anti-muslim, but I would not wish for my daughter to convert to being one as it would not sit happily with me as a non-muslim.

Has the OP come back and explained why they are asking this, or is it a dump and run?

Well, as I am not actually British myself, and DH is a mix too, it would be odd for me to want my DC to marry somone with a particular race-skin colour.

OP, are you 12? Strange question.

i think i would have problems with them marrying anyone who didn't want to have kids, live in the Uk, raise their kids without religion, live in a house, own a dog, take their kids to visit their GPs (natch!), treat my DC with utmost respect, go to university or be otherwise well-educated, contribute to family income or child well being or both(so, no cocklodgers or the female version thereof), no tea-totallers, vegans or other extreme dietary requirements, no communists or fascists...

basically i want them to marry people i can relate to. Skin colour doesn't come into it, though strong religious belief of any shade would be very off-putting. Any 'culture' of treating women like crap is not desirable, so that lets a decent-size portion of the population of the Uk out.

of course, they're just going to bring home loser after loser, aren't they?

Yeah, it wouldn't bother me. But I have sons. If I had daughters, there are certainly some cultures that I would feel wary of her marrying in to. In the end, though, it wouldn't be my choice anyway

I can see why people have problems with MIL! It is best not to have a preconceived idea. I can see you being sad, but it is something that you should keep firmly to yourself. I would say every single MIL problem stems from the MIL not liking/approving the choice of partner.
You choose your own partner and you have then had your turn (unless you ger married more than once), you don't get to choose for others!

Race i would have no issue with.

culture - well culture covers a lot. Far mroe widespread than merely religions.

so yes there are some cultures i would be apprehensive of them joining. but ultimatly if they were happy and in a loving respectful relationship i would be happy.

i think marrying a Horta would be out of the question. all that soot.