"but that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?"

[EhFattyBumBum]

In brief, mine and DPs sex life isnt the best. We have a nearly 2 y/o and having a tough time with his sleeping habits. We both also work f/t and are both often too tired to do anything, but when we do its great. No real complaints so far.

However, I have had thrush for about 3 - 4 days, very sore, very swollen, very itchy and just generally a bit miserable with it but hopefully its going away.

All last night DP is saying/hinting how I should have another drink and get pissed, and another, and "oooh the boy is tired maybe he will sleep for us tonight" to a generally less tactful "is your fanny still itching, maybe we can have an early night?".

I explain that not only am I still resisting the urge not to get a scouring pad, but he can catch it too and just pass it back to me if we did anything and sorry but I just dont think its the best idea.

He whinges that the one time for a little while that we get chance I have an excuse. I agree that yes it is shit that the one time we are BOTH awake I happen to have this.

Then, he says "well that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?". I changed the subject, ignored him and he kept saying it.

We got to bed and more of the same, pawing me, grabbing hold of my hand and asking if that had thrush etc and eventually he tired of it and left me alone.

AIBU to now feel a bit offended by how he spoke to me? I felt like saying to him, yea I'll sort you out, now leave £20 on the nightstand.....

(namechange btw)

I struggled to think of a reasonable cat analogy

BriansBalls: are you talking to me? I don't believe i've ever in my life said that feminists hate men nor would I suggest anything else that your post highlights.

Seems to me your running away with something you are wishing i'd said rather that what I actually have. It's all a bit cliched really.

oh I have to say the 45 mins WMD comment made me snort Brandy out of my nose

as to the OP - my DH would find it had to wank with a broken hand - which he'd have if he kept pawing me when I had said NO - hth x

A healthy sexual relationship should be mutually supportive and respectful. That goes both ways. Restricting sex is just as much of a tool of power and control as is harassing for sex.

Unless you all know something I don't about Connie (i don't bother with reading back posts) the reasons for the suggestion that Connie is an abused woman/unaware victim are nebulous and yet she's been ripped to smithereens here.

However, I doubt very much (from reading what little I have of her posts over the past 2 days) that she gives much of a fuck

restricting sex because you have painful thrush is perfectly reasonable in my view

Read more of her posts then Victoria - the OP, for example, states that although they are tired with work and a 2 year old "but when we do its great. No real complaints so far". Hardly someone who is constantly denying him or restricting sex (as you suggest).

The whole idea that men have needs which women must satisfy in order to keep their marriage together makes my teeth ache. Very Stepford.

Ah, have just realised you meant that you haven't read many of Connie's posts. Never mind, the rest of my post stands.

yup - like the old thing about men not being able to stop once they get going (often used as an excuse for rape when a woman says NO during foreplay)

if the womans husband/father/brother/bestmate appeared with a great big shot gun I bet you anymore he'd suddenly find the self control to STOP mid act!

I think I'm going to compile a handy checklist for the sexually frustrated man.
So, Menz, if you are feeling that your DW is not 'letting' you have enough sex, ask yourself the following.

Are you doing your fair share of housework and childcare? Clue: your fair share means doing enough of it that both you and DW have roughly the same amount of leisure time each week. It's not doing the washing up once a fortnight with a lot of sighing and heavy hints that there had better be at least a handjob now you've been such a good boy, or remembering to put your shitty pants in the washing basket five times out of ten.

Are you able to have a conversation with your wife that doesn't involve asking when you are going to have sex or whether she needs the doctor to give her something that will make her allow you to have sex?

Are you generally getting on well, being kind and courteous to one another, or is there any major issue between you that you are not discussing (other than sex)?

ANd finally: Are you sure you're not rubbish at it? A lot of men feel that all they need to do is Present Penis and then stick it in, this is not always all that much fun for women.
Talk to your partner and listen to what she says.

stuffingGoldenBrass I think I love you x

Another gem from SGB.

I think that should be broadcast to the Menz of the nation...

Could it be set up on the relationship boards as a signpost, like one of those FAQ screens?

Joins SGB's fanclub

ive managed to be really refained-
ive managed to be really polite
ive managed not to swear
ive managed to be non confrontial
ive managed to delete three posts[before sent]
ive managed not to kick the nearest german shepherd in the bollocks-but i cant manage this-
STUFFINGGOLDBRASS-I THINK I LOVE YOU ASWELL X

SGB - My DH does just as much as I do around the house when he's not working, and when he comes home, he cooks dinner and helps me to bath DS and helps DD with homework etc....

We both care for DS in terms of his feeding schedule, changing nappies, giving meds, hospital appts are atteneded by both of us etc.....

Our marriage is a partnership in every sense of the world. And a very equal one at that.

Sex is when we both want it to happen, even spur of the moment stuff. He has NEVER forced any kind of sexual activity on me, and nor would he knowing my past. He respects me and I him.

Your post in particular made me realise just how many shit DH/Ps there are out there, all of my X's included!

But I still think that the whole point of this thread is that the OP said NO. More than once and her DP still pushed for sexual activity.

Maybe a swift kick in the cock would have got the message across?

(You can all stop puking at my soppy post now)

SGB that's genius :)

Can you get it printed, with diagrams and put in the Bounty new mums pack? :o

I imagine the 45 min BJ will become one of the classics that namechangers refer back to, to prove they really are long-standing Mumsnetters, along with Moldies, Shiney's penguins et al.

Annie

Gosh, there are still people around who think men are sexual creatures who should be serviced, and women are creatures who get hysterical. How wonderful

Yep Jux, there are. Wierd isn't it?

Bonkers. (If you'll excuse the pun.)

strip away the modern niceties, and IMO i think those beliefs are still there for alot of people all round the world.

my dp is the same. it makes me feel disgusted by him and I think hes vile.

Gosh NorwegainMoon, that's really strongly worded. Are you OK?