"but that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?"

[EhFattyBumBum]

In brief, mine and DPs sex life isnt the best. We have a nearly 2 y/o and having a tough time with his sleeping habits. We both also work f/t and are both often too tired to do anything, but when we do its great. No real complaints so far.

However, I have had thrush for about 3 - 4 days, very sore, very swollen, very itchy and just generally a bit miserable with it but hopefully its going away.

All last night DP is saying/hinting how I should have another drink and get pissed, and another, and "oooh the boy is tired maybe he will sleep for us tonight" to a generally less tactful "is your fanny still itching, maybe we can have an early night?".

I explain that not only am I still resisting the urge not to get a scouring pad, but he can catch it too and just pass it back to me if we did anything and sorry but I just dont think its the best idea.

He whinges that the one time for a little while that we get chance I have an excuse. I agree that yes it is shit that the one time we are BOTH awake I happen to have this.

Then, he says "well that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?". I changed the subject, ignored him and he kept saying it.

We got to bed and more of the same, pawing me, grabbing hold of my hand and asking if that had thrush etc and eventually he tired of it and left me alone.

AIBU to now feel a bit offended by how he spoke to me? I felt like saying to him, yea I'll sort you out, now leave £20 on the nightstand.....

(namechange btw)

you should try swallowing something else SAF

and seriously get over yourself

saf Maybe MN could add it to their Mumsnet Babies Guide in the next edition??!

Haven't read the whole thread (sorry) - has Connie said where her 45 minute old baby was whilst she was sucking and swallowing?

Yeah SAF you probably should stop now.

This is ridiculous. Connie and others shouting about feeling picked on when they have essentially suggested that OP should have wanked off her hubby after he tried to coerce her into it and then used examples of ridiculous behaviour to suggest women who do not 'service' their husbands at every available possibility are failing in their duties and deserve their partners to be unfaithful etc etc. I really am leaving this post now as I am saddened by some of the attitudes and comments "SAF yous hould try swallowing something else"??? WTF? Connie, not only do YOU need to get over YOURSELF, but you also need to stop being such a nasty bit of work.

I''d have done it. But I also think sex can lovely and romantic and sometimes it can just be sorting each other out because you've got a few minutes spare.

Equally I have demanded asked nicely for sex/ handjobs from dh when he really wasn't up for it. diy is just not as much fun

That said that doesn't mean the OP should feel obligated. I've just noticed in the past for me that when you wait ages for "the right time" or to be properly seduced sex just gets put on the back burner. And that sometimes just saying I'll give it a go see how I feel I usually gets me in the mood.

You'd have done it? Really? In the circumstances that the OP was faced with?

Connie, your now infamous blowjob I have a question:

1. Was it a "I am a woman, hear me roar" moment?

or was it a

1. I am not really in the mood for it but I'll do it anyway moment.

Because you have claimed that it is both.

Only in the most ludicrous version of choice feminism (otherwise known as door-mattery), can it possibly be both.

So why are you so confused about which one it was?

And do you see that if it was 1., then it's irrelevant to the OP because she didn't feel like roaring at the time and if it was 2., then your DH is a profoundly abusive man. Because no normal reasonable man, would think it's OK to persuade e a woman into sexual activity 45 minutes after she'd given birth, even if he thinks it's OK to try and persuade her at other times.

SOrt of, I'd have done it. But it would have never gotten to the begging pleading stage ifyswim. I'd have been happy to help

If I'd had flu, no I wouldn't because I wouldn't feel up to it. But with thrush I probably would have.

That doesn't mean she shoudl have, I'm saying I would have

Don't think Dh will be getting any bj's next to my hospital bed though..

Crikey. Um, I'm lost for words really Theevildead (and very grateful for my DH)

Maisi, I'm glad you are greatful to your DH, it's important to like the person you're married to!

You seem to not be getting what I am saying though. We both sometimes want sex when the other isn't totally up for it. I am not forced or coerced in to sex, I'm a grown up I say no, and no means no. I'm saying that in the OP's curcumstances I would think hell, it's not his fault I'm out of commision on the rare chance we have the oppertunity. and I would be happy to do it. Why is that so hard to understand?

Oh and as mentinoed in my previous post, I have got Dh to "sort me out" when he had a head ache (yes, men get them too )

I don't get quite why theevildead2's post has made you grateful for your DH, Maisie.

She's made it quite clear she's never been coerced, but is generally quite happy and willing to help out if her hubby is rampant and she is.

I'm not talking about having sex when you're not really in the mood (although how anyone can find it remotely sensual or sexy having sex when the other person really doesn't want to I don't know) - I'm talking about the scenario that the OP described which is pretty abhorrent to the majority on here. Fortunately I would never, ever find myself in that position.

If you think the the OPs DH is perfectly reasonable and that "you would", then I'm really at a loss for words....but MN is a place where my eyes are often opened.

You aren't "listening" I'm saying the begging bit wouldn't have happened because I'd have done it when we had the chance (although had I been ill and not wanted to do it and dh had done it, I'd be hugely unimpressed).

I didn't say the Op was wrong at all or that she should do anything.

Also I mentioned earlier that sometimes you start out not in the mood and then quite often get in the mood.. Or I play slightly hard to get and make Dh work for it which also does the trick. That's just me though. I don't have to insult other people's husbands or relationships to be comfortable with mine.

theevildead I think it's OK if you think hell, why not. I think the issue is, that the OP might have thought hey, hell, why not, and gone ahead and everyone's happy, but she didn't, she said no and the guy continued to mither her when she was feeling ill and miserable.

And loads and loads of women have come on this thread to criticise her for not being willing to accomodate her DH's desires when she was feeling ill and miserable, without considering whether the DH should have accomodated her desires and needs when she was ill. They don't seem to notice that she said no, made it clear she wasn't up for it and then he went on and on and on about it.

I just don't understand why so many women are convinced that a man's desires are more important than a woman's, when she is ill. I have a problem with the idea that men's desires are more important than a woman's anyway; I think they are equally important; but when she is ill? When one party is ill, then AFAIC their needs come first - even when it's just man-flu. I'm just staggered by how willing to privilege men, so many women are and how little empathy and sympathy they have for other women.

PlentyofParsnips' post showed how a normal man behaves in this situation. Why aren't most women thinking this is normal? Do you all think PoP has a particularly wonderful husband? Becuase I think he sounds nice and normal - how most men are. I expect that makes me a manhater.

No, you're right Herbeatitude, the Op certainly doesn't need to feel she should have to. If her Dh was a normally alright guy she'd probably feel a bit more, ahem, generous anyway. SO what goes around comes around I guess.

Exactly.

And what's missing from the "oh FGS it wouldn't have killed you to give him a hand job" arguments, is the lack of acknowledgement of what a partnership is - that couples do stuff for each other all the time, which might be a bit of a drag at the time, but that they do it in a context of mutual respect and consideration. Teh complete lack of respect and consideration the DH was displaying, has simply gone unremarked by the "you should've given him a hand-job" side.

And I just wonder why. IT's like all the work of servicing the relationship, the give and take, should be with women. (Specifically, the give.) The DH isn't required to give the OP any care at all - all the requirement is on her side. Why such low expectations of the DH and such high expectations of the OP?

BTW at the idea of Frank Sinatra on in the background while shagging. I can never think of him without thinking of the horse's head scene in the Godfather (the character of Johnny Fontane was modelled on him apparantly). It would certainly put me off.