"but that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?"

[EhFattyBumBum]

In brief, mine and DPs sex life isnt the best. We have a nearly 2 y/o and having a tough time with his sleeping habits. We both also work f/t and are both often too tired to do anything, but when we do its great. No real complaints so far.

However, I have had thrush for about 3 - 4 days, very sore, very swollen, very itchy and just generally a bit miserable with it but hopefully its going away.

All last night DP is saying/hinting how I should have another drink and get pissed, and another, and "oooh the boy is tired maybe he will sleep for us tonight" to a generally less tactful "is your fanny still itching, maybe we can have an early night?".

I explain that not only am I still resisting the urge not to get a scouring pad, but he can catch it too and just pass it back to me if we did anything and sorry but I just dont think its the best idea.

He whinges that the one time for a little while that we get chance I have an excuse. I agree that yes it is shit that the one time we are BOTH awake I happen to have this.

Then, he says "well that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?". I changed the subject, ignored him and he kept saying it.

We got to bed and more of the same, pawing me, grabbing hold of my hand and asking if that had thrush etc and eventually he tired of it and left me alone.

AIBU to now feel a bit offended by how he spoke to me? I felt like saying to him, yea I'll sort you out, now leave £20 on the nightstand.....

(namechange btw)

no NR - it was not from insecurity.

The birth was exhilarating, quick, and i was full of adrenaline and energy. My Oh was helping me after I had had a shower in an entirely non sexual/ affectionate way...we had a kiss and cuddle and you know the rest.

How many pages for something that is utter bollocks. - Connie.

OFC it's not true I don't care

Totally detracted from the op really, so her mission is complete, should have ignored it.

why are you so interested?

Each to their own surely?

BTW I was unable to hold DS for 36 hours after he was born as I was unconscious. DP held him for 2 hours and then had to leave. He was in a clear plastic cot right next to me and was not held other than by midwives when he cried / needed feeding/ changing. DP took over the next morning.

Are you ladies telling me he is damaged? Surely not? Are you really judging Connie for putting her baby down for a short while. Just because her choices seem distasteful to you do you need to be quite so judgey and vicious?

"However much connie protests it was all her idea, spontaneous, natural etc I can't help thinking that it would be the action of someone who is really insecure about keeping their man, or someone who has quite skewed priorities."

Couldnt agree with you more here NR !! Definitely cries out desperate and needy to me too.

LOL @ all the women who are throwing their hands up in horror at the very idea of helping hubby out.

I'm not for a minute suggesting that the OP should have done what her hubby wanted, but really, in general is it SUCH a degrading and awful idea??

I've helped my DP out, and he me. Sometimes you're just not in the mood, and the other party is. Often, in the process of helping out, you GET in the mood. Rather like how you often get hungry when you're making someone else something to eat, even though you weren't to start with.

There are all sorts of sex; pissed sex, funny sex, deep and meaningful sex. The list is endless. As long as it's all consensual, what's the problem with going "Oh come ON then - give it here..." from time to time?

'I'm not for a minute suggesting that the OP should have done what her hubby wanted, but really, in general is it SUCH a degrading and awful idea??' - nope, it's the fact that she said NO.

[blsuh] - sorry, hit post.

It's the fact that she said no and he protested.

even! FFS Mouse

SAF - agreed, initially Connie you enthralled () us with your BJ story to try and make me feel shit for not giving my poor long suffering sexless DP a wank. Then you said it was a "I am woman hear me roar" moment, now we are back to you admitting you did it when in not in the mood. Poor you feeling you had to do that 45 mins after giving birth

Syria - I agree that sometimes you can get in the mood but I honestly think there has to be a bit of willing in the first place IYSWIM. in this instance there was no willing on my part whatsoever and I made that pretty crystal to DP from the start and he pestered me non stop. What makes that degrading to me is that he would have happily shagged/had me wank away knowing I didnt want to.

i cant believe you are whispering the word thrush with all the other banter going on here!! Lol

I wrote a long post then ds pressed a button and deleted it!
damn...

most of what I was thinking has been said already.

Op was right to say no ...her DH should have stopped asking/pushing when she said no and explained her discomfort.

having a go or a helping hand/mouth when one party is more keen than the other is not a crime and it is up to the individual... but No is always no...he pushed too far and his next comments on "sorting him out" would have left me feeling like I was just and handy orifice so any sympathy or spark of friendliness would have fled the building at that point. The fact he pushed it further by groping (fucking hate that!) and asking if her hand had thrush ...a-fucking-stounding
that she didn't brain him at that point.

OP you are seriously NBU

You ...and I... would have expected more kindness, compassion and love from your DH.

If dh did this to me I know I would find it hard to forget and sex would move further DOWN my list of wants in the future.

I have no particular interest in Connies BJ story...real or not, (each to their own) other than the fact it was wrong to use it in a way to make op feel she was wrong/selfish/less of a woman for her decision to say no.

I am shocked that ANY person would encourage someone to "put out" when 1) they don't want to 2) are unwell or experiencing pain/discomfort... for any reason, but especially to keep the peace or it was "time" to do the deed!

ok - so why are you with him then?

I appreciate that the OP said no. Which is why I made it clear that my opinions on "helping out" didn't actually refer to the OP. That's entirely different.

I am referring to those who seem to think that one shouldn't touch anyone else in a sexual way unless both parties are absolutely gagging for it. That "helping out" in general is beyond the pale.

Because I love him, hes my sons Dad, and this was one 'episode' thats pissed me off.

I dont think what he has done here warrants me booting him out. If he did it again then thats another story.

I think that to talk of booting him out smacks of hysterical overreaction.

Wasn't 'picking on you' Syria - sorry if it sounded like I was. Just trying to highlight the fact that EhFattyBumBum said no and her DP still pushed for her to 'sort him'.

Connie - WTF??? Why is she with him? Are you for real??

He didn't punch her in the face for refusing, he sulked. He didn't force oral sex on her/rape her after she refused, he sulked.

Nor did he get off his arse and go and sort himself out. He sulked.

What an odd thread.

Me thinks Conniedescending needs a new name..

ConnieLingus perhaps?

As for the 'Women,Ignore this at your peril' comment...

More like MEN, Women don't like being treated like a blow up doll. Ignore THAT at your peril!

You have to be at least NICE to have sex, not just give us a drink, grab a random part of our bodies, click your tongue and say Fancy some Action then?

If you were really up for it and your partner wasn't, would it not be slightly sleazy to insist that they 'helped you out' - knowing that they really, really didn't want to at that precise moment in time? If you're 'gagging for it' sort yourself out.