"but that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?"

[EhFattyBumBum]

In brief, mine and DPs sex life isnt the best. We have a nearly 2 y/o and having a tough time with his sleeping habits. We both also work f/t and are both often too tired to do anything, but when we do its great. No real complaints so far.

However, I have had thrush for about 3 - 4 days, very sore, very swollen, very itchy and just generally a bit miserable with it but hopefully its going away.

All last night DP is saying/hinting how I should have another drink and get pissed, and another, and "oooh the boy is tired maybe he will sleep for us tonight" to a generally less tactful "is your fanny still itching, maybe we can have an early night?".

I explain that not only am I still resisting the urge not to get a scouring pad, but he can catch it too and just pass it back to me if we did anything and sorry but I just dont think its the best idea.

He whinges that the one time for a little while that we get chance I have an excuse. I agree that yes it is shit that the one time we are BOTH awake I happen to have this.

Then, he says "well that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?". I changed the subject, ignored him and he kept saying it.

We got to bed and more of the same, pawing me, grabbing hold of my hand and asking if that had thrush etc and eventually he tired of it and left me alone.

AIBU to now feel a bit offended by how he spoke to me? I felt like saying to him, yea I'll sort you out, now leave £20 on the nightstand.....

(namechange btw)

My abusive XP suggested if I really loved him I would give him a BJ after I had my son. I had a 60 hour labour and hadn't slept for a week. He used a story of a woman like connie to "prove" how unreasonable he felt I would be to refuse. He was a total bastard but even he didn't push that one once the baby was born (just pressured me into providing sex 2 weeks after the birth).

Ok connie if yours was consensual fair enough but i do think it fails to understand your newborn baby's actual need to be physically close to you after birth. Not great parenting, whilst I agree with sgb about the fallacy that Mothers are supposed to be all about the baby all of the time I do believe it is necessary to be physically close to your baby right after it has been born and that actually a lot of your time as a mother should be taken up with actual mothering. It isnt good to expect people to entirely give up who they were before the baby and think only of the new child but it also isnt healthy to use excuses about this fallacy to abdicate your actual commitments and responsibilities to your child. Physical closeness is so important for establishing breastfeeding apart from anything else and I think it is abdicating your responsibility to your child to be sucking off DH while your baby is in another room 45 mins after the baby was born.

i've seen the light!!! I must ttc again so I can give birth and then suck cock! If only I'd had Connie here to explain my womanly duty before I gave birth to dd1 and dd2.

Ah well, now I know what to do post birth. Wonder why it wasn't covered in the NCT classes?

trying to think now what I was doing 45 mins after. Being sewn up I think, having catherter drained (sexy), trying to establish breastfeeding, holding hands with dp as dd2 needed oxygen when first born and we were worried sick about her... oh and yes having a quick bout of anal just to bond with dp, you know?

Connie, every time you post I am more amazed that you are not embarrassed by yourself.

Connie - thank God for you, I thought there was something wrong with my fanjo when DD and DS popped out!

Clealry I'd just been pregnant.

love the pack mentality on here!

FFS its not the best choice (i refer to the eponymous BJ) , but I find how everyone hurls insults at her actually alot worse

She's been insulting of others and has made some ridiculous statements.

porcamiseria-I am not following any pack in commenting on connies bj post. I really dont care if she and her dh indulged in this or not.I am repulsed however by her need not only to share it on here but also to some how think its is something women should aspire too!("woman hear me roar"-pmsfl).

porcamiseria I'm honestly not surprised. I can still remember how Denise Van Outen got slagged off on here by some posters, because she wanted to wear a 'glamorous dress' a few hours after her baby was born.

A glamourous dress is totally fine and understandable. Sucking your husbands cock after giving birth is just mad. And to be proud of it is even worse.

I imagine it's quite difficult to be a roaring woman with a penis in your mouth no?

Glamorous dress is fine, why wouldn't it be fine for her to wear whatever she wanted? Giving her husband a bj 45 mins after giving birth is just euch and shows a weird sense of priority.

brianandhisballs, santosLHalper the point is that everyone has different experiences and opinions.
If connie felt her baby was safe and settled then she was free to do as she wished.
Not everyone agrees that the baby needs to be held continuously, I put my babies down when they fell asleep and attended to my business.[Incidentally nothing sexual in my case].
To answer another point, not all women 'drop to their knees' to prevent their men from straying, some women actually enjoy it ,I assume Connie was in this situation?
Of course Denise Van Outen was entitled to dress as she pleases, however some posters seemed to think this was wrong. There seems to be a tendency for some posters on this forum [not specifically on this thread] to assume that anyone who doesn't do things their way is automatically wrong. Or that there should be some sort of rules or time schedule after birth.
Anyway this isn't really connected to the original OP so perhaps I didn't fully understand the full context of connie's original post.

fatlazy - of course, that is true. However, I am reserving my right to judge her for not only doing that 45 mins after giving birth but boasting about it on a public form.

She of course can reserve her right to judge me for not giving my dp a bj 45 mins after giving birth (either time! bad partner that i am!).

Hmmm.
I do agree about how there should not neccessarily be a way you are "expected" to behave after birth.
Some people do not find birth traumatic or even particularly painful.

Mine was pretty bloody, but I do remember being wheeled to the ward, holding baby and all I could think about was if I had missed tea or not (starving!)

And I didn't hold him totally continuously-he went in the crib for a spell so I could have a sleep-BUT I do wonder about the motivations of this (now infamous) BJ 45 mins after birth.

However much connie protests it was all her idea, spontaneous, natural etc I can't help thinking that it would be the action of someone who is really insecure about keeping their man, or someone who has quite skewed priorities.

Also, as many have said, what kind of man would go for that?? I know a lot of men, and I just can't picture a single one of them wanting a blow job at that moment (and I know some right dirty dogs!)

It does kind of smack of a control/re-assertion of being top priority thing on his part.

Oh, and r.e the Denise V.O thing-I put on my make up as usual the morning after birth, and see no reason for a new mum to necessarily be covered in sick or wearing trakkie bottoms!

no i would'nt judge anybody for not indulging in sexual activity after giving birth and wouldnt have myself if baby was ill/ I needed stitching etc as obviously would be otherwise engaged.

So what amount of time is 'correct' to wait after giving birth before engaging in sexual activity? Clearly not within the hour, what about the next day? No? In a week? 6 weeks? 6 months? a year? Please enlighten me. I assume at some point most of you left your newborn babies safe and asleep whilst you did something else what ever that something else may be.

I used it as an example to illustrate that you dont have to be entirely in the mood to show affection to your partner. It was not a boast but neither am I ashamed.

This pack mentality is vile - just because I dont agree someones OH was out of order for asking for some sexual activity on NYE.

So you were not entirely in the mood then 45 mins after birth?
And 6 weeks, according to doctors, in answer to your question.