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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"but that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?"

457 replies

EhFattyBumBum · 01/01/2011 14:21

In brief, mine and DPs sex life isnt the best. We have a nearly 2 y/o and having a tough time with his sleeping habits. We both also work f/t and are both often too tired to do anything, but when we do its great. No real complaints so far.

However, I have had thrush for about 3 - 4 days, very sore, very swollen, very itchy and just generally a bit miserable with it but hopefully its going away.

All last night DP is saying/hinting how I should have another drink and get pissed, and another, and "oooh the boy is tired maybe he will sleep for us tonight" to a generally less tactful "is your fanny still itching, maybe we can have an early night?".

I explain that not only am I still resisting the urge not to get a scouring pad, but he can catch it too and just pass it back to me if we did anything and sorry but I just dont think its the best idea.

He whinges that the one time for a little while that we get chance I have an excuse. I agree that yes it is shit that the one time we are BOTH awake I happen to have this.

Then, he says "well that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?". I changed the subject, ignored him and he kept saying it.

We got to bed and more of the same, pawing me, grabbing hold of my hand and asking if that had thrush etc and eventually he tired of it and left me alone.

AIBU to now feel a bit offended by how he spoke to me? I felt like saying to him, yea I'll sort you out, now leave £20 on the nightstand.....

(namechange btw)

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 03/01/2011 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KalokiMallow · 03/01/2011 18:36

How hard is it for some people to grasp that it is not about whether or not people should do sexual favours when they aren't entirely in the mood?

It is about someone being told "no" and refusing to take it for an answer!

Whether or not you like to give your husband blow jobs or hand jobs or whatever, if you say no, then surely you expect him to respect that? Those of you saying, "well I'd do it", would you still do it even though you'd said no multiple times and your "D"H wouldn't listen to your answer? Because if so, I am really sorry to hear that.

AnotherMumOnHere · 03/01/2011 18:37

theevildead2 ............ although had I been ill and not wanted to do it and dh had done it, I'd be hugely unimpressed.

Am I understanding your posting right.Hmm You would not be impressed if DH had 'gone and sorted himself out' ........ are you seriously saying you don't believe your DH has ever gone and tossed himself off? Totally unreal. I dont know a man in the world that could admit to never having masturbated himself to orgasm.

theevildead2 · 03/01/2011 18:40

I don't need to get real thanks!

I said if Dh had done it (begged) as had been said in the begining of that sentance which you conveniently left out.

I really couldn't care less id DH had a wank.

AnotherMumOnHere · 03/01/2011 18:53

Due to lack of punctuation in your posting I misread it. I can see now that you meant the begging. Unfortunately I find it difficult to decipher postings when punctuation is left out.

hellsbells76 · 03/01/2011 19:00

what is it about '45 minutes' and patently bollocks claims? first weapons of mass destruction, now this...

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 03/01/2011 19:02

I'm glad that the difference between the "I'm not really in the mood but OK, come on then" and the scenario that the OP describes has been clarified. I can't imagine anyway faced with such a nutter insisting even after they'd said no would give in and not feel a level of resentment/cheap/violated. Or is that me insulting other people's relationships again? Hmm

theevildead2 · 03/01/2011 19:05

SO instead of saying, "sorry I got it wrong".. You thought I'll be rude instead? Ok, if that works for you.

and one last thing..

I hadn't mentioned masturbation at all in that post... so do you just assume mastrbation when ever you read something? That's a bit odd.

theevildead2 · 03/01/2011 19:07

Maisie I thought I made it very clear in my posts, and you were fairly specific to me and my relationship.

I do sometimes feel like we should have some sort of automatic T&c at the bottom of all our posts as you have to prepare for every eventuality that people will read wrongly in to everything you write.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 03/01/2011 19:12

I don't think you understood my post - or chose not to, which is why I reposted. I'm glad it's clear now.

HerBeatitude · 03/01/2011 19:48

LOL at 45 minutes and WMD.

Grin
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 03/01/2011 19:57

Both involving dicks...Grin

kittycat37 · 03/01/2011 20:04

Connie

Reading all your posts I actually feel a bit worried for you.

It sounds as though you might be in a situation where you are being seriously controlled and it's gone so far you don't even realise it.

I'm not trying to get at you, it's just the impression I've had from all that you've said.

The OP obviously has her boundaries which she feels her DH was ignoring which is why she feels hurt and disrespected.

But it sounds, with your sharing of the now infamous, 45 BJ, as if your boundaries have become totally skewed, perhaps eroded over a period of time.

Like I say, it's just my impression, and I'm not trying to get at you. Your comments ring alarm bells and I speak as someone who has experienced an abusive relationship ( a while ago now).

Mouseface · 03/01/2011 20:11

Kittycat - I felt the same as you when I first read BJgate. My abusive XP sprang to mind.

Almost a 'congratulations on becoming a father'?

sparky258 · 03/01/2011 20:40

yes-i agree with Kittycat and Mouseface.

DelphiSwimsLate · 03/01/2011 20:50

Connie I had posted to you on page 10. Just wanted to know: why did you choose to disclose the BJ 45 tale?

(By the way, I'm not judging you for doing it, that's your business, I just genuinely want to know where you were coming from. HerBeau also alludes to this question on page 16).

conniedescending · 03/01/2011 20:56

thanks for the concern but I can assure you I am not in an abusive relationship by any stretch of the imagination

i mentionned it to illustrate a point but perhaps it wasnt the best example

DelphiSwimsLate · 03/01/2011 21:08

Ok I won't harass you anymore Connie!

OP I'm sorry for coming to your thread and not offering any input into your question. All I can say is YANBU to be a bit offended by the way he spoke to you, but I have to admit, "does your hand have thrush too" did raise a smile :)

I'm sure it was just as frustrating for you that the one time you were both awake you had sodding thrush. Total bummer. Maybe you were a bit annoyed with that too?

Anyway I hope that you're better. If not, definitely go to the doctor as it might be something else.

droves · 03/01/2011 21:30

op . your dh needs treated for thrush too before you , have sex with him again. or he will reinfect you. you have it ...he will have it as well.

He was being horrible btw ,hope its a one off.

victoriascrumptious · 03/01/2011 22:18

OP your husband sounds like an arse and I don't blame you for getting the hump. But regarding Connie and Blueshoes's POV generally. I have to ask would be so terrible to give your dh relief in circumstances where you are not necessary horny but he is?

There is a difference between being exhausted, sick or generally repulsed by your husband and feeling under pressure to do it and between being just not horny and giving hand relief (yuk phrase) anyway.

Surely to deny your partner constantly because you are not rampant is in itself unfair.

Who amongst us is rampant 24/7? I am told these woman may exist but I've never met one. I do however love my husband and enjoy being close to him even when I don't want a fuck.

I wonder why anyone would go into a marriage and then be shocked and upset if their husband fancies them.

It's a bit like getting a German Shepard and walking it daily for a few months and then stopping....and then getting pissed off when it tears up your kitchen

victoriascrumptious · 03/01/2011 22:19

That was a general post. OP's husband crossed the line with his badgering

BrianAndHisBalls · 03/01/2011 22:23

yes Victoria, these men are so like dogs with their needs aren't they Hmm

No one needs 'relief' ffs. Its not oxygen or water. Yuck.

victoriascrumptious · 03/01/2011 22:29

Ok Brian, 'relief' is a very emotive and unfortunate word. Physical contact.

Not many men would stay in a marriage where there is no physical contact . Not everyone can separate love and sex. I'm a realist and I think sometimes we've got to get a grip on the fact that if you make the choice to stop having sex (this is not directed at you OP) you shouldn't be surprised if after a while your marriage goes down the pan.

My personal view on this is that there are so many women around who are too exhausted to have sex purely because there is an unfair division of labour in many many households. That's the issue IMO

HerBeatitude · 03/01/2011 22:37

Well men can solve that Victoria.

They can get the bloody vacuum cleaner out.

If I were a man, I'd be a bit insulted by being compared to a dog btw. Shock

BrianAndHisBalls · 03/01/2011 22:43

Exactly HB, I can't understand why feminists are seen as the man haters, I think its more the people always going on about how men are not able to buy their parents christmas presents /write cards / load the washing machine / remember stuff, or how they have to have sex else they'll have an affair, seem to me to be the men haters.

Now girls, don't go wearing a short skirt or drinking alcohol else that poor man over there will just have to rape you you know, he simply can't control himself Hmm