To get pissed off with my nephew

[mippy]

He is 20 and spent Christmas day drinking Stella, making racist remarks, taking the piss out of me while I was on the phone to my OH and taking out a large roll of notes, waving them around and showing off about how much his new job pays him hourly (my sister/his mother is at college at the moment and working part-time in a shop, so is less well-paid).

I know he's my blood relative and all but he is a hideous combination of very stupid ('what's a rally?' 'what's avocada?') and extremely cocky.

He sounds vile. Do you have to have him in your house?

He sounds vile. Do you have to have him in your house?

Oops, sorry!

When he gets a girlfriend, tell him it's tradition to spend Christmas with her.

Where was your sister? Had she run for the hills?

He has a girlfriend - by all accounts she is vile.

I don't know if I'm being snobby as a) my family are a lot more working class than my life is now, and when one doesn't have much money money is more of a topic of conversation and things are judged more by their cost (which drove me insane even as a kid) b) he at least has a job and a flat of his own.

My sister has somewhat dubious views on race relations. We opt not to bring it up and agree to differ (if she does I will call her out on it). i did not want to spend Christmas day having to explain to a grown adult that no, Asian people cannot go back to 'where they come from' and 'their own country' because they are already living there.

Good grief life's too short to allow racist old tosspots into your house. I used to turn a blind ear to the comments and just feel embarrassed for small minded people and their w*nky racist comments now I openly question them, embarrass them and tell them they are not welcome in my home with those beliefs. Family or not.

I would suggest revoking any further invites into your home.

I'd say YANBU but I'd be more peed off at myself for putting up with it TBH.

Let your NY resolution be to "Stop wearing a wishbone where your backbone should be." and kick em out!

i do exactly that - I don't let it go - but this is in my mother's home, not mine. He wouldn't still be here if it were mine. Neither for waving a wad of money in my sister's face and saying 'You earn £5 per hour - I EARN £7.20. HAH'. There is a reason why he's staying with my mother and not mine as few of us can put up with him for long.

He sounds like an immature cockbag.

Pmsl at him bragging over 7.20 per hour.

I've just worked out my hourly rate, actually (I remember being a temp and being on £5ph. It was shit.)

I find the well considered phrase

"Oh DO Shut Up!" Said slightly too loudly does help in situations such as these.

Seriously, call him out on offensive shite, and don't back down. He's old enough to be challenged directly.

I think you should cut him some slack. He is just an immature young man, a sort of Harry Enfield Loadsamoney bragging figure. He will change as he grows up. He won't think the same things as he grows older.

don't cut him any slack at all. the more slack you cut him the longer it will be before he grows out of it. he is an adult, call him on it. the only way he will stop thinking the same things and grow out of it is by proper adults making him look as stupid as he is and not tolerating it.

cutting him slack is tolerating it while he offends whoever he comes across. not on IMO.

What IS a rally?

does he man a car rally? like sunbeams and escorts etc?

I second "Do you have to have him in your house?"

And also pffft and snigger at bragging over £7.20 an hour.

Sounds like he needs pulling down a peg or 100.

YANBU and your nephew is being a prick. At age 20, I reckon he can be told that in as many words.

I know. With the waving of notes came 'i earn FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS A WEEK' (sounds unlikely on £7.20ph honestly) and the tin under his bed with, apparently, £2k in. Part of me wants him to get mugged to teach him that carrying £100+ on you is very silly.

is this his first proper job? is he getting carried away and smug about the fact he has a salary?

I think pre-occupation with money can travel across the social spectrum. I have family members who are obssessed with the amount of money they have (couple of houses, few foreign holidays a year, fancy cars etc. Not an absolute fortune, but very comfortably off) I own my house (with 5 years mortgage left!), but it's still not good enough for them. It generally goes over the top of my head. I normally find those that judge others do so because they feel so insecure about themselves, that they need to be nasty in order to feel good about themselves.
BIL in particular is a complete bigot. Homophobic, Racist, sneering towards anyone who lives in council housing etc. This he does in front of his kids.
Money can't buy you humility or grace. One of the saddest things is the homophobia; I have a lot of gay friends, and he is always very scathing. Ironic, but since one of his boys was a primary school lad (now 13) I have had an inkling that he may be gay. (Don't ask me why, Couldn't put a finger on it, but I work in an industry where 80% of the staff are gay, have done for 20 years, and theres an unexplained intuition) added to which, a friend of mentioned it to me, quite unprompted. Poor lad, having to tell his father if he is.....

OP - your nephew likely thrives on the attention, even if it's negative attention.

If I were you, I'd ignore everything odious he says, don't rise to it. He'll hopefully still learn that he's not worth the effort of conversation if he's going to be a w*nker.

I know it's sooo tempting to want to shake him by the collar and want to scream in his face, but don't, it won't do any difference.

I'm also PMSL about him boasting about £7.20 per hour. Poor bugger sounds insecure as well as ignorant.