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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or was she being rude?

14 replies

GandalfyCarawak · 16/12/2010 11:59

Went out a few days ago with a bunch of other mums.

There is one mum who is always dressing nicely, loads of make up etc- Seems to take a lot of care over her appearance. I, on the other hand, am a total slob and do the school run in jeans and no make up. I don't know if this is relevant- I'm hoping you can tell me!
So, for a change, I made an effort- Nice clothes, make up, hair etc. I don't know this other mother well, only to chat to at the gates, and I chatted with her a bit in a group at the restaurant. I am a bit nervous in these kinds of situations, but I was having a great time and started to relax.

Other mum went out for a bit- For a joint, I suspect, and when she came back, she came to talk to me, seperated us from the group, and said, "Why are you so distant tonight, Gandalfy?"
I was surprised at this- I didn't think I was distant- and said so. She then said, "for God's sake, you need to sort out your social skills." She smiled as she said it, but it wasn't a joke iyswim.

AIBU to think she was trying to make me feel shit?

OP posts:

festivecoatgate · 16/12/2010 12:01

A joint?

Ignore her - she is the one who needs to sort our her social skills.

SheWillBeLoved · 16/12/2010 12:04

Ignore. Just looking for a way to bring you down. Going out for a joint at a restaurant, bloody hell.

CoronaAndLime · 16/12/2010 12:04

YANBU

she needs some serious work doing on her social skills!

She was put out because you looked nicer than her.

Original poster

GandalfyCarawak · 16/12/2010 12:04

Thanks! I am new to this area and have mantioned to her before how I can feel a bit like the odd one out because everyone else knows each other so well. I think she was playing on this.

OP posts:

discobeaver · 16/12/2010 12:05

haven't got a prob with the joint - but it was a very rude comment, how else are you supposed to react to that other than think wtf?

I also think she was put out at your appearance maybe.

SerendipitousHarlot · 16/12/2010 12:07

What a bitch! Absolutely agree with CoronaAndLime - she wanted you to look 'slobby' (that's your word, not mine btw ) and because you looked nice she didn't like it. Cow.

Original poster

GandalfyCarawak · 16/12/2010 12:08

I don't really have a problem with the joint either. I know I should just dismiss her as a cow, but I know that my social skills are a bit shit and it's made me a bit worried that the other mums feel the same.

OP posts:

Starisonthetree · 16/12/2010 12:09

Sounds like you have more confidence than her but she is running away from herself where as you are learning to be happy with who you are.

She covers her issues with make up, put down comments and smoke

Hope you find some like minded friends soon

discobeaver · 16/12/2010 12:14

You know, I thinkshe is used to being top dog (top bitch?) in the group, and is making sure she keeps her position by unsettling you - it is workig because now you are doubting yourself through her rude comment.

Your social skills are fine, don't let her get to you.

Original poster

GandalfyCarawak · 16/12/2010 12:27

You're right, of course. I don't know about "top dog" but I think she's used to being the glam one, which, frankly, is fine by me- I can't be arsed with all that preening just to pick my kids up in the pouring rain.

Thank you all, I feel better now. :)

OP posts:

oldraver · 16/12/2010 18:35

Well maybe first point of call with a change in social skills would be to blank her. Honestly you dont need her kind of advice/help/hindrance/bitchiness

MsKalo · 16/12/2010 19:26

SOunds like the silly cow is insecure and so may have picked up on your nervousness and whacked you with it. Try not to let her get to you. She is not worth it. Maybe she has to always be immaculate to make herself feel better which is not a problem - only is she starts to use her insecurities against other people!

freddiestarratemyhandbag · 16/12/2010 19:34

Just ignore her, she's probably very insecure and likes to intimidate people.

I worked with someone like that once, I didn't trust her one little bit and used to avoid joining in with her 'banter' even though all the other sycophants did.

One day she got me on my own and said "do I intimidate you Freddie?" and I looked her very straight in the eye and said "no".

She left me alone after that, but I saw her pick on other people.

Your woman sounds like she wanted to work out if you were a soft target or not. Don't ever show her any weakness if you can avoid it!

andchips · 16/12/2010 19:34

Urgh she sounds insecure and is trying to make herself feel better. I recently moved abroad and got a job here. I have a good grasp of the language but have a lot of room to improve. Because of this I was a little shy at the beginning, but I am very friendly to everyone and I will help anyone with anything at all. I thought I was getting on really well with everyone and fitting it. DP and I went to a works' party and a member of staff said in front of everyone, 'Andchips are you enjoying work? You seem very distant a lot of the time.'

I had no idea why he said it at all, I though I got on well with the man fgs. I felt really wrong footed and uncomfortable.

I have since noticed he does this, he draws you in by being friendly and kind, you think you're keeping up and then he says something to trip you up and make you feel awkward.

Had a 2 hour conversation with him in his native language one day, and he told me I had really improved, and then he told the other colleagues (while I was there) that I can't speak the language at all! Er... dickwad, I obviously can we just had a conversation in it.

Twat.

Phew, feels better to get that out.

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