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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dummy use holding childs verbal development back

28 replies

SkyBluePearl · 21/11/2010 23:21

I attend our city toddler group. There is a silent little girl who always has a dummy in her mouth 24 -7. She is 2 and never makes a sound.

I see the Mum around at soft play lots too - she seems a lovely lady (also amazing house). She seems to struggle to manage kids behaviour - like many of us.

Girls three older school aged brothers are extra physical/agressive/young (much more than usual)and struggle to express themselves with words.

I keep wondering if there is a link with the dummy use in toddlers and non development of language?

Thoughts anyone?

I think i am being judgemental about toddlers having dummies and should just respect that different parents have different parenting styles. Every time i see the little girl though I think her development is being held back.

OP posts:

bumpsnowjustplump · 21/11/2010 23:26

I have a 3.8 dd who constantly had a dummy until she was about 3.. She always had it in her mouth and it was a struggle to get it away from her... She could talk the hind legs of a blooming donkey. She is well beyond her age in respect of language...

I also have a 21 month ds. He had bad reflux and were told to give him a dummy after feeds.. He would never take one, so has never had a dummy or a bottle... and he only says a couple of words and expresses himself with grunts, points or dragging us around the house to show us what he wants.....

So no i dont think that dummies effect the development of language.. at all...

methsdrinker · 21/11/2010 23:28

yep with you on that one. My friend used to let her dd 3.5 have a doddie as she called it 24/7. Then moaned about how she couldn't form her words properly.
She also would let her child get away with pointing instead of talking about the thing she wanted.
Eventually went to a speech therapist who gave a load of mouth exercises to build up where she was lacking and told her to dump the dummy.

Friend maoned about how muc her dd needed the doddie, Oooh she made my hand itch.

methsdrinker · 21/11/2010 23:28

Ohh sorry about the spelling. I can spell just can't type.

ilovehens · 21/11/2010 23:28

my ds2 had a dummy until about 3 and his speech is better than most of the adults I come across and people regularly comment upon how well he speaks.

ds1 never had a dummy and his speech is excellent as well, so I think it all depends upon the child really.

otchayaniye · 21/11/2010 23:29

I have no idea, but doubt it. I would ask how you know she has a dummy in 24/7 if you don't live with her.

And what on earth does 'extra physical', 'agressive' (sic) mean? You've taken a view and I guess confirmation bias is making you see things that maybe aren't there?

That said, dummies just look so nasty and I although I know I shouldn't judge, I can't help myself. All sorts of petty, nasty little things pop into my head (socio-economic judgements etc). All against my better self. Same with buggies, same with reins. I know, I know....

Serendippy · 21/11/2010 23:31

I do think dummies must have an affect on speech if they are in all the time. You can't have a dummy in your mouth and speak, at least not clearly, so if a child is not talking or talking through the dummy when it is in and it is in all day and night, there must be some repercussions. I have seen children feed themselves by pushing the dummy to the side of their mouth and chewing on the other side (not that this has anything to do with anything, just thought it was really weird).

The child in question may be a late speaker, I think youngest children often are, or it may be the dummy. Who knows?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 21/11/2010 23:35

DD had one till she was about 2.6. She only had it at night and managed to shout with it in her gob.
Another hind leg off donkey girl here.

Original poster

SkyBluePearl · 21/11/2010 23:37

Can imagine it depends on the child. I'm just so used to my own two year old talking non stop its feels odd to meet a completely silent 2 year old.

OP posts:

beebuzzer · 21/11/2010 23:44

I think they could do somehow. Mine has a dummy when she goes to sleep ad its only when she sleeps. She is not allowed it in the daytime a) because I love to hear her babbling away and b) Yes I believe kids have to experiment with sounds as much as possible in order to grasp the concept of speech. Otcha I agree I don't like the sight of dummies especially in older kids, but whats with the reins? I use reins because I have a bad back without stooping down to walk alongside my 12 month old who is pretty small for her age anyway!

Original poster

SkyBluePearl · 21/11/2010 23:51

otchayaniye I agree i don't see her in her house but know her sister quite well. Not sure if the boys behaviour is linked to speech development - was a passing thought and I'm no specialist.

Glad to hear about lots of chatty children! Don't they come out with some crackers!

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 21/11/2010 23:56

My DS1 never had/wanted a dummy. He still can't say "th".

He's 23.

DS2 had as many dummies as he could cram into his mouth until he was about 3.

Perfect speech.

The plural of anecdote is not data. :)

otchayaniye · 22/11/2010 00:06

Yes, my (non-dummy user) child spoke at 8/9 months, full sentences at 14 months, vocab in thousands at 2...ergo dummies retard speech development.

Of course, that's not the case. You'd need to ask a speech specialist.

Valpollicella · 22/11/2010 00:07

The plural of anecdote is not data

Oldlady, shall be using that myself in future in all kinds of scenarios

Are you talking about the formation of words or their verbal ability?

because if it's verbal ability, you should hear DS who had a dummy (at bedtime, albeit) until very recently. He has a freakishly abundant vocab. He can't pronounce 'th' but I don't think thats dummy use, more that he's just heard 'f' instead from a few people who care for him...

katiepotatie · 22/11/2010 00:10

I'm going to take ds 18 months away during the day soon,(he's sick just now so will wait till he's better) as he does talk and tries to talk through the dummy. He will only have it for sleeping.
I was very judgemental about dummies, but caved with ds, as he was a very sucky baby and would have been permanently attached to my boob. I also have dd, so needed to spend time with her.
I have found it a godsend as ds has been able to settle himself to sleep, unlike dd who needed held, fed or rocked to sleep till she was 14 month old

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/11/2010 00:25

Valpollicella, I first read it in Dawkins, but it does apply all over the place.

MadamDeathstare · 22/11/2010 03:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onceamai · 22/11/2010 06:40

DS had one. Never stopped talking and was extremely articulate from a very early age with or without the dummy. Getting him to stop was such a headache that I didn't give one to DD. She had a wide vocab range very early but spoke far less and is by far the naturally quieter child. They also seem to be wired in reverse - he is the very linguistic, artistic one and she is the logical mathematical one and I suspect that has more to do with it. Perhaps too being the younger sibling of a very verbose elder sibling so couldn't get a word in edgeways.

Sullwah · 22/11/2010 09:54

My 2.8 yr old DTs were addicted to their dummies (now only for bed).

At 2 yrs, nursery told me that DT1 was in the top 4 verbally in his class and DT2 was in the next group down. So I don't believe that dummies affect speech.

badfairy · 22/11/2010 09:56

Didn't hold back DS1 he was talking at 11months ( hasn't stopped since) and he had his wretched dummy hanging out of is mouth until he was 41/2 !

SkeletonFlowers · 22/11/2010 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anotherbrickinthewall · 22/11/2010 09:59

well you can sit there smugly blaming dummy use - or possibly think that there's more to it than that, given the girl's siblings may all have language/behaviour issues. my DS was severely language delayed at 3 btw, and never used a dummy. but nice for you that you are used to a chatty 2 year old, lucky you.

Sullwah · 22/11/2010 10:01

If mine try and talk to me when they have the dummy in the their mouth then I pretend not to understand them ..... they soon take it out so they can issue their latest order "mummy, I want ...."

curlymama · 22/11/2010 10:02

I believe that dummies do affect speech in some children.

It makes sense that a child who has to remove something out of their mouth, to practice talking is not going to get as much practice, especially if they would prefer to have the dummy in and not talk.

Of course, some children manage to talk fine in spite of the dummy. But some don't. Some have a dummy at sensible times, like when resting or going to bed, some are allowed to use a dummy 24/7. This will also make a difference.

CardyMow · 22/11/2010 10:08

DD sucked her thumb as a baby - and still does now at almost 13yo. She has been told by the dentist to stop as she has a severe overbite and will possibly need her jaw broken and re-set.. Her vocabulary was very delayed - but that was more due to her hearing problems.

DS1 was a dummy monster, he had his dummy day and night until he was 3yo, and at night only until he was 4yo! He started talking at 8 months old, and by 12 months was communicating in full sentences. The only proviso I made was that if he soke with his dummy in his mouth - I would ignore him until he took his dummy out. Doing that, the dummy certainly didn't hinder his speaking ability, and now at 8yo he has an amazing vocabulary.

DS2 wasn't a 'sucky' baby, didn't have a dummy or suck his thumb - yet he didn't say his first word until he was over 3 yo! Some children do have speech and language delay, and would have that regardless of whether they were dummy suckers or not.

I will have no qualms about giving DC4 a dummy when he arrives in January, because it is infinitely preferable to sucking his thumb which I will be unable to take away, and will cause far greater dental problems that a dummy IME.

ballstoit · 22/11/2010 10:18

YABU. Seems pretty obvious to me that having a dummy in constantly is likely to affect a child's speech. My thinking is that you already know this but wanted others to join you in judging your 'friend'.

Maybe the dummy has affected her speech. But maybe it has also helped her mum to maintain her sanity when dealing with 4 DC. It's none of your business either way.

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