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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel upset, annoyed and let down by my cleaner who has just resigned??

218 replies

zebedeethezebra · 01/11/2010 16:49

We loved our cleaner. She was expensive but worth it. But today I came back to a note saying she thought I was rude and that working here made her uncomfortable.

The only examples she gave were a comment I made last week about her being early (why does anyone find that offensive???) and this morning I referred to her car as an old jag (I actually think her car is quite cool - its practically a classic!) which was thoughtless I know but enough to make her want to resign??!!

I've always been really nice to her! I just don't get it. I've left 2 messages on her phone and sent her some flowers to be delivered today, but now I'm really annoyed that she has left me in the lurch. I feel really upset and let down. Is our house not good enough for her to clean or something??

I really want her to come back, but now I'm too scared that if she does, perhaps I better not say anything to her at all for fear of offending her.

OP posts:
mimps · 01/11/2010 16:51

i feel your pain...... Hmm

i felt the same when OH announced he didn't have time to empty the bin this morning before he went to work

hystericalmum · 01/11/2010 16:57

perhaps you should have said her car was a classic & not old.
Perhaps you've made her feel a bit small & inferior.

Rockbird · 01/11/2010 16:58

What was your relationship like generally? It sounds like you have done something to upset her, not sure it's the things you mentioned, surely you wouldn't take offence at those comments?

YunoWhatYouDidLastSummer · 01/11/2010 17:00

How intriguing.

anonymousbird · 01/11/2010 17:03

Move on, she may have been good but is also a prima donna. YOu can't be tip toeing around her forever, in case she takes the slightest offence.

I once had a cleaner (very good one to boot) and I asked her to clean the inside of the windows. I came back and nothing, apparently, had been done. So I called her and said "have you been today", she was round inside two minutes effing and blinding about how she had slaved over the upstairs windows (there were only 6 small windows. I said, oh, right... and err... well, wasn't there time to do anything else at all?

So she shouted that I was accusing her of lying and was the worst person she had ever worked for and she threw the keys at me and left. I was 8 months pg, so a bit emotional for sure, but after the lecture about hard her job was, harder than every other job in the whole wide world, I realise it was ...... time to move on!

anonymousbird · 01/11/2010 17:04

If you pander to her, you are putting her in control of the relationship... WRONG!

Seriously, just make sure you get your key and forget her. Annoying to have to find someone else/cover it in the meantime, but it's not worth the worry or hassle.

Original poster
zebedeethezebra · 01/11/2010 17:05

She's worked with us for about 3 months. Generally I let her get on with it, she's here for 4 hours, but we go out for much of that time to keep out of her way, especially as DS has just started crawling. But I've made her coffees, we've had brief chats, but nothing overly lengthy.

The only thing I've said that I can think of that might possibly annoy her other than what she mentioned in her note is asking her to do the rooms in a certain order, so that DS's room is done so that he can have his nap when we come home and so that I can have the run of downstairs when we get home, but I don't think she should be offended by that.

What does one have to do to keep a cleaner - constantly grovel or something??!

OP posts:
carocaro · 01/11/2010 17:06

cleaners, fresh flowers delivered as a sorry, I wish I was you!

ItsGraceAgain · 01/11/2010 17:12

Well, no, she's resigned as is her right. It's a nuisance that you've got to find another cleaner. End of. If every help you have accuses you of rudeness, then you might need to look at how you deal. Just the one, though, and it's a personality difference - perhaps you need a reminder that we can't be loved by everybody all the time. I don't think you should have sent flowers, but what the heck.

hifi · 01/11/2010 17:24

is she south american? i only ask as we have had lots who are and are offended easily,its a cultral thing i think.

anonymousbird · 01/11/2010 17:56

I had another cleaner took offence at the fact that I expected her to work?? I knew she was only doing an hour instead of 3 because she had to unset and set the alarm (doh!).

When I asked her (very nicely) to do some cleaning for the amount of time I was paying her for, she left a note saying she was too tired and took the money and left.

Do not grovel, I know it's annoying to lose a cleaner, but you'll cope. Then you will find a new one.

Good luck!

pagwatch · 01/11/2010 18:02

you are just ever so slightly over invested.
She resigned . She didn't steal your money and shit in your bed.

needafootmassage · 01/11/2010 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dancergirl · 01/11/2010 18:18

It's annoying but YABU. You can't force people to stay when they don't want to. Maybe she got another job, more pay, more local to her, whatever - could be a million reasons. Your apparent rudeness could just be an excuse.

Hope you find someone else!

MillyMollyMardy · 01/11/2010 18:18

Op you don't want her back, you'll be tiptoeing around trying not to offend her again. Let it go. If you have had no other comments from others that you are rude also let it go. Life is too short.
My favourite cleaner moment was when I came back home 30 minutes after the cleaner had arrived and they were already gone.I asked them to come and have a chat and got handed my keys instead.

tethersend · 01/11/2010 18:22

She just really hates you.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 01/11/2010 18:22

My favourite was when a cleaner I had sent her twelve (ok maybe 14 but he looked 12) year old stepson round to do the cleaning -Dh came home unexpectedly to find this. Naturally I sacked her as she had not asked me.

SauvignonBlanche · 01/11/2010 18:26

YABU, get an agency in, it's less hassle.

mazzystartled · 01/11/2010 18:27

it was an excuse
she just didn't like working for you for whatever reason
her prerogative

Propinquity · 01/11/2010 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

pagwatch · 01/11/2010 19:08

I am a sahm. I have a cleaner. It is no one elses fucking business.

'spending the money on my childs future' sanctemonious shite.

GibbonWithAnAppleBobbingBibOn · 01/11/2010 19:10

Not quite sure why so many are giving the OP a hard time for having a cleaner Hmm

Ignore the petty comments Zebra.

My darling Pag is right though, over invested. Move on and find another cleaner.

thighsmadeofcheddar · 01/11/2010 19:10

Good lord propinquity. Load of rubbish.

GibbonWithAnAppleBobbingBibOn · 01/11/2010 19:11

ahhh Pag got in there before me.

I have whipped myself and hung my head in shame for being a SAHM with a cleaner obviously

pagwatch · 01/11/2010 19:11

"Good lord propinquity. Load of rubbish."

yes. That is better than no ones fucking business and sanctemonious shite.
Replace what I said with that