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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel upset, annoyed and let down by my cleaner who has just resigned??

218 replies

zebedeethezebra · 01/11/2010 16:49

We loved our cleaner. She was expensive but worth it. But today I came back to a note saying she thought I was rude and that working here made her uncomfortable.

The only examples she gave were a comment I made last week about her being early (why does anyone find that offensive???) and this morning I referred to her car as an old jag (I actually think her car is quite cool - its practically a classic!) which was thoughtless I know but enough to make her want to resign??!!

I've always been really nice to her! I just don't get it. I've left 2 messages on her phone and sent her some flowers to be delivered today, but now I'm really annoyed that she has left me in the lurch. I feel really upset and let down. Is our house not good enough for her to clean or something??

I really want her to come back, but now I'm too scared that if she does, perhaps I better not say anything to her at all for fear of offending her.

OP posts:
Appletrees · 02/11/2010 23:16

Something has changed. It's as though mn has been given permission not to be right on. A year ago prop would have been among friends.

boiledegg1 · 03/11/2010 01:29

Five domestic staff for a SAHM Grin I like your style BCBG. Employing so many and doing voluntary work yourself is actually quite a philanthropic thing to do if you are lucky enough to be able to afford it. I use a cleaner and a full laundry service, and employ others within my business FWIW.

Mooos · 03/11/2010 02:24

Zebedee - do you really want this woman in your house again? It really has changed the relationship between you (the customer) and her.

TBH I'd phone her up and say you've reconsidered and don't want her back. (She sounds like she's going to be trouble!)

PS Is she Filipino by any chance? I had one and she was a stroppy so and so (you know..the kind who think they are doing YOU a favour)

YunoNotToReturnToALitFirework · 03/11/2010 04:41

Shock @ casual racism.

Moos - do you think it might be possible that not all fillipino people have the same personality?

kittywise · 03/11/2010 07:03

Well if we're going into casual racism.......
I can say that in the 10 years that I have employed cleaners the ones who had the worst attitude who were sloppy in their work, frequently ill were always without exception English.
I would never employ another English cleaner. I've had too many bad experiences with them.
I think the good ones will be the exception not the rule.

kittywise · 03/11/2010 07:04

"Something has changed. It's as though mn has been given permission not to be right on. A year ago prop would have been among friends."

Yes I agree and thank god for that too. It was such a bloody tedious PC riddled place for a while.

Bugrit · 03/11/2010 07:17

bcbg - how marvellous that you employ the little people from the village so that you can do your philanthropic voluntary work. Are you for real?

After reading Mooos post, I just need to point out that my last post was a joke.

I'm shocked by some of the sanctimonious, self-righteous, smug and deluded comments on this thread.

Nothing wrong with cleaning, nothing wrong with having a cleaner. However,

Believing you're somehow a better person because someone else cleans up your shit/picks up your dead skin cells = hugely arrogant.

The racist undertones (overtones) on a couple of the posts on this thread are vile. Shock

NetworkGuy · 03/11/2010 09:09

Thanks wannaBe (22:22 01/11) for the 'easy to be judged' post, a superb example.

'spreading your money around and employing someone else is a pretty Good Thing' by Mowiol sums it up, for me.

As for whether all those earnings are declared, well that's a matter of conscience for the cleaner, but certainly many purchases attract VAT and without the money to spend, that cash would perhaps sit in banks gathering tiny amounts of interest and be doing nothing for the 2010 economy.

Mooos · 03/11/2010 09:44

Yuno - I agree, perhaps that was a bit racist however I have quite a lot of experience with Filipinos. Sorry.

My best, most wonderful, irreplaceable cleaner was a retired Scottish lady who used to work as a cleaner in an NHS hospital so to be honest no-one can compete.

We became good friends with her and her husband and every year had a "company night out".

We used to have to hide clothes that we had lying about as she would iron everything (wonderfully). She even ironed Mr M's lycra cycling gear.

I know that the people who "replaced her" (impossible) at the hospital were amateurs. The hospital in question now doesn't bear thinking about (cleanliness wise)

She is an impossible act to follow. A lady (she was 75 when we left the area) who took real pride in what she did. We loved her.

melikalikimaka · 03/11/2010 09:58

If only.....it's just a dream.....cleaner.....Envy

Namechangeaday · 03/11/2010 12:34

These bloody poor people should appreciate their jobs and thank their masters in the big house for employing them.

And to the poster who sacked her cleaner for bringing her daughter with her during the holidays, well what else could you do? Remember compassion is a weakness that the plebes will spot. She should have left her daughter at home on her own, bloody cheek.

duchesse · 03/11/2010 13:35

Haha, to listen to some of you you'd think that we were abusing slaves rather than employing someone with a will. My cleaner is not some shrinking little violet creeping around the walls and flinching when I stand up. She is a mature woman and I have a mature adult relationship with her, with conversations and laughs and cups of coffee- which she drinks on the go as has a very well-developed work ethic. She comes for 4 hours, has a small fag break half way through and leaves the house spotless. She recently negotiated a pay rise with me. We have a relaxed employer/employee relationship, which is what it is. She is not being taken advantage of- cleaning is what she does for a living. And she takes a lot of pride in doing it well.

Bugrit · 03/11/2010 14:39

It's the arrogance of some who seem to feel as if they can justify a superior attitude by claiming to bouy up the economy that I have a problem with.

Mooos · 03/11/2010 15:42

Burgin - sorry but I can't understand your posts at all.

Mooos · 03/11/2010 15:42

Sorry..I meant Burgin

Mooos · 03/11/2010 15:43

Really sorry, my typing is awful I mean Burgoff of coures.

NetworkGuy · 03/11/2010 16:06

VictoriasLittleKnownSecret - Men clean????????

Yes, from time to time, but not that keen, to be honest! :)

capricorn76 · 03/11/2010 16:10

PMSL at this thread!!

For what its worth I'm going on maternity leave soon and my DH suggested we get a cleaner from now on as he doesn't want me to have to deal with the hassle of cleaning the house. He wants someone who will iron too. I see nothing morally wrong with paying someone else to clean my house.

Bugrit · 03/11/2010 16:24

Mooos - Do you mean me? Is that what passes for wit in your world? I'll make it very simple for you:

1: I find racist comments such as 'Is she Filipino by any chance? I had one and she was a stroppy so and so (you know..the kind who think they are doing YOU a favour)' vile.

2: I find it a little nauseating that some, but by no means all, of the posters on this thread seem to think they're doing the world or economy a favour by having a cleaner come in for a few hours a week.

How is that confusing?

capricorn76 · 03/11/2010 16:30

@Bugrit. I agree that the racists comments are totally not on.

However, surely people employing other people to do anything is good? What would the cleaners be doing if nobody hired them? Claiming benefits? The people employing them are doing the economy and society a favour by being smallscale employers.

capricorn76 · 03/11/2010 16:31

I meant the 'racist' not 'racists'

NetworkGuy · 03/11/2010 16:56

Bugrit - "arrogance" and "superior attitude" when buoying up the economy...

Can you hint at which posts you mean ? All I've seen is some responses from people who are in the fortunate position of being able to employ a cleaner, and quite a few "I wish" comments of those who would, if they could.

Superior attitude has been mostly from one source, of the "should be ashamed as you are so lazy" viewpoint. Most other posts have been taking the mickey and exaggerating the "arrogant" comments of those critical of anyone with a cleaner.

BonkersforBonJovi · 03/11/2010 17:22

Our cleaner did something similar. Pissed around asking for more hours, threatening subtly that if we didn't give her any she would pack in our job. Hmm

We did for a bit but then stopped as it just wasn't plausible, we didn't have enough work for her, nor could we afford it. She took a job at B&Q and then was 'splitting' our job into 2 days. After 2 weeks she said it was too hard for her and stopped. I said okay no problem please drop off keys as we have someone else starting. She said 'Er if you are offering them more hours I will quit my B&Q job, I really don't want to leave you see'

Hmm WTF.

Was glad to see back of her.

Bugrit · 03/11/2010 17:27

@Network - comments such as:

'Some people are glad there's the work. Plus it's money being circulated in the economy and paid in tax, so is actually socially beneficial'

'just think how many people would be unemployed if it wasn't for all these cleaners being employed by people on this thread'

I just somehow don't think the economy would collapse if mumsnetters stopped employing cleaners. I guess I feel more affinity with those who say they can't be arsed to scrub their own toilet than those who are looking for an Alan Sugar award.

kittywise · 03/11/2010 22:05

Well I can't be arsed to clean my own loo AND I know I am helping my cleaner finically so she has a more pleasant life. The two are not mutually exclusive you know. LOL