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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel upset, annoyed and let down by my cleaner who has just resigned??

218 replies

zebedeethezebra · 01/11/2010 16:49

We loved our cleaner. She was expensive but worth it. But today I came back to a note saying she thought I was rude and that working here made her uncomfortable.

The only examples she gave were a comment I made last week about her being early (why does anyone find that offensive???) and this morning I referred to her car as an old jag (I actually think her car is quite cool - its practically a classic!) which was thoughtless I know but enough to make her want to resign??!!

I've always been really nice to her! I just don't get it. I've left 2 messages on her phone and sent her some flowers to be delivered today, but now I'm really annoyed that she has left me in the lurch. I feel really upset and let down. Is our house not good enough for her to clean or something??

I really want her to come back, but now I'm too scared that if she does, perhaps I better not say anything to her at all for fear of offending her.

OP posts:
BCBG · 03/11/2010 22:44

Bugrit - your 'arrogance' and 'superior attitude' are by far the worst on this thread when it comes to calling the people who work for me as 'little people from the village'. Angry. How demeaning and deliberately insulting! I am quite sure that they would find your nasty and patronising description far more offensive than anything else that has been written on this thread. And by the way, I didn't mention philanthropy - how ill-judged of you. I said I volunteer, and I bet the likes of you have never got their hands dirty, their peace of mind upset or their lives upturned by a single hour spent trying to make a difference for someone who can't help themselves. You make me sick, quite frankly.

NetworkGuy · 04/11/2010 00:56

It would be an interesting exercise to know (in rough terms) how many cleaners (part- and full- time) there are in the UK.

Doubt there's any way to actually gather the figures, but it would (at a guess) make quite a dent in their personal economy if anyone who had employed one suddenly decided to end that contract and all had no cleaning work to do.

OK, it would not, in sheer financial terms, make much of a dent in the nation's economy, but then again I can think of no other category of worker (with earnings below, say, 10 quid an hour) who would make a similar dent.

No idea which would be a 'suitable' group as I don't know the pay scales of dozens of jobs, but like it or not, putting funds back into the (albeit local) economy is a legitimate claim, and cannot simply be dismissed, even if the nation's economy would not collapse.

Mooos · 04/11/2010 02:43

Burgitoff if I had asked if she was a local (ie english I assume from your "accent" would this also have been racist?

Is one now allowed to ask where the person doing the work is from now?

You need to take a chill pill - and get on with your bloody cleaning yourself. I do believe you might be a bit jealous that you don't have someone (English, Fillipino, Indian ra ra ra) to come in yourself.

Finished.

kittywise · 04/11/2010 08:17

Ah I'm so glad the general attitude towards things like cleaners has changed here. last year this whole thread would have been populated by posters such as bugrit.
Now she is on her own here. Thank God for that.

GMajor7 · 04/11/2010 08:40

Errr....crazy thread. Agree to some extent with Prop and Bugwit. All the 'we are richer than you - get over it' posts stick in the craw somewhat. Yuck.

I am living in a very, very different world....

Bugrit · 04/11/2010 09:43

BGBG - Apologies - it was a little over the top and another poster used the word philanthropic, not you. For what it's worth though, I do get my hands dirty (by cleaning my own bog - and I wouldn't have it any other way), as well as work full time. I also do voluntary work every other weekend. I feel I've made my points (and don't feel I'm alone in my opinions, thanks kittywise) so wont bang on any futher. Bye! Smile

boiledegg1 · 04/11/2010 10:19

It was me that brought up philanthropy...my sense of humour is too warped subtle to translate into print Wink Funny thread...

elphabadefiesgravity · 04/11/2010 11:03

amothersplaceisinthewrong Mon 01-Nov-10 18:22:46
My favourite was when a cleaner I had sent her twelve (ok maybe 14 but he looked 12) year old stepson round to do the cleaning -Dh came home unexpectedly to find this. Naturally I sacked her as she had not asked me.

Notwithstanding the fact that it is illegal to employ a 14 year old without the necessary permit from the council with specific youp persons risk assemssment and restirictions on tasks/hours.

BCBG · 04/11/2010 11:50

@ Bugrit, thanks, apology accepted and I'm sorry if I got loud too Smile....I just hate wild assumptions about the 'haves' and 'have nots' (on both sides). I AM lucky and I know it, so instead of wasting my luck I try and remember that I was put on this earth to make a difference, not take up a place. I may not achieve all that I would want to, but I try. That doesn't mean that I think that I am different to any one of the people I see struggling, it means I realise that there but for the Grace of (insert Deity of personal preference) go I. Every day.

emy72 · 04/11/2010 13:31

Can I just say that is not always the case that people with a lot of money have cleaners.

I have friends who are very rich and don't have cleaners, and friends who are on modest incomes with cleaners tbh.

In fact one of our friends lives in a mansion and would not dream of having a cleaner. It's largely a cultural thing too, ie maybe how you were brought up/what you think of having someone in your house, etc..

I have had loads of cleaners but I am never comfortable with the idea. I don't know why. We've had one as we didn't have a choice, but now that we have more time I am much happier doing the cleaning myself. Even though we can comfortably afford someone, I am relieved I don't have someone in my house every week - I hated it!

However I wouldn't dream of judging anyone for having a cleaner - same as people didn't judge me for having one when I did! Each to their own, I guess.

Malificence · 04/11/2010 14:46

Even if I had a 10 bedroomed house I couldn't employ a cleaner - just the knowledge of them in my house, makes me feel quite nauseous. Envy
Maybe it's because I'm naturally a
nosey bitch curious, I would hate anyone touching my stuff.
The £50 a week or whatever it is to have a cleaner, I would far rather have a second third fourth holiday. Smile

BCBG · 04/11/2010 16:51

Emy72 so true... I have a dear friend whose lovely townhouse has four huge sets of stairs - which she lovingly hoovers herself Grin and makes me feel guilty everytime

ItsGraceAgain · 04/11/2010 17:21

Blimey! Who would have thought a cleaning thread would turn out to be such a cauldron of socio-economic, race, emotional & psychological conflict? (OK, we all did Grin)

I loathe housework. I've always had a cleaner if I could possibly afford it. I can't these days, so I live in a dirty hourse. I don't see it as lesser work: my job is (was) to do what my employers needed me to do, my cleaner's job was to do what I needed her to do. One of them was a playwright, who left when she sold a TV series :) I've done other people's cleaning for money, too.

Jolly interesting to see some other posters' attitudes displayed in all their glory, though ...

Myleetlepony · 04/11/2010 17:41

I used to have a cleaner, she was great. Now I'm a cleaner myself (one of my jobs) and I enjoy it because I'm independent, it's flexible work and I can sack any customers I don't like. Grin
I can understand people worrying about their privacy, personally I try very hard to avoid seeing personal paperwork, and if it's left out I'll just leave it where it is. However, there are some very nosey people out there, so I think you have to be careful, and maybe get references for cleaners.

melikalikimaka · 05/11/2010 00:15

No ones going in my 'ouse and mooching through my stuff!

greatgarden · 05/12/2010 13:44

I have had a few cleaners, the last one just upped and left after two years. I had gone out shopping and when I returned found she had done nothing and just left me a note. We had a good relationship, but she still couldn't face telling me she wanted to leave. I treated her very well - maybe that was the problem, she felt more like a friend - big mistake. I've now just hired someone new, doesn't speak any English and her partner (English but speaks her language)now tells me she is 6 months pregnant but wants to keep working up until the baby is born, and then straight after! I feel duped into hiring her because she is going back to her country to have the baby for a month, plus two weeks off at Xmas. Either I have a cleaner or I don't. I feel bad that I'm now going to have to ask her to leave, as she obviously needs the money, but I don't feel it's morally right for me to have her cleaning my house and neglecting her health and her baby. (I have a disability so need someone). Would be interested in others opinions. I intend phoning her partner tomorrow.

SantaMousePink · 05/12/2010 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Desdemona777 · 03/01/2021 17:52

Does anyone know a good honest cleaner in bexley

Hopeisnotastrategy · 03/01/2021 18:24

@Propinquity

Whatever the excuses you use to try and justify frittering money on a cleaner when you're home all day anyway with no other committments, it's still pure laziness. If you have the time, if you have the ability....

If you live in a grand mansion with 22 bedrooms, it's reasonable to indulge yourself with staff, if you have anything less than 4 bedrooms as I suspect most MNers do, then it is ...laziness.

Hopping on the defensive just makes you appear guilty Hmm

What utter rubbish.

We have a lady who cleans/housekeeps/ looks after the house when we are away.

Not only is she not the down trodden serf of your overexcitable imagination, when she heard from her son ( our wonderful builder) that I was planning to look for someone, she ASKED me if she could come and work for us.

Not because she needs the money. She is our neighbour and she retired as housekeeper to. a prestigious local hotel and she was bored being at home all day. We welcomed her with open arms.

We have a fantastic relationship, I would go so far as to say we genuinely all love each other. It's wonderful for us to have somebody who has great skills we don't major in, and who looks after the house when we aren't here. ( Some may remember our four and a half months lockdown in Spain...). She in turn loves coming round here for a chat and to do something useful, and during Covid she has loved it even more. She has relished being able to come round every day while we've been away and have some time to herself while looking after everything. She's a retired lady and her energy levels are brilliant. She loves being able to help out and we love having her.

Put your pathetic judgy pants away and go and do something useful.

AlexCabot · 03/01/2021 18:36

ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE

This thread is 11 years old!

Skyla2005 · 03/01/2021 18:53

You made comment to her being early. She probably thinks your nit picking and annoying even if you didn’t mean it. Cleaners don’t want to be your friend. It’s their job. They want to get the job done and get out. They don’t want to deal with pointless chit chat. They are knackered from job to job try and put yourself in her position it’s very hard work without you hanging around making stupid remarks. She’s allowed to resign she’s not your slave. Get over it

slashlover · 03/01/2021 18:56

ZOMBIE!!! @Desdemona777 Why did you bump a TEN YEAR OLD thread?

OfaFrenchmind2 · 03/01/2021 18:59

Get a new cleaner, one without a chip on her shoulder. And for God's sake, don't grovel!

OfaFrenchmind2 · 03/01/2021 18:59

Oh fuck, this is soo old. Now I want to know what happened to OP :)

Hopeisnotastrategy · 03/01/2021 19:16

Aaaarrrghhhh! Why? And I typed so much! 🤣