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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel upset, annoyed and let down by my cleaner who has just resigned??

218 replies

zebedeethezebra · 01/11/2010 16:49

We loved our cleaner. She was expensive but worth it. But today I came back to a note saying she thought I was rude and that working here made her uncomfortable.

The only examples she gave were a comment I made last week about her being early (why does anyone find that offensive???) and this morning I referred to her car as an old jag (I actually think her car is quite cool - its practically a classic!) which was thoughtless I know but enough to make her want to resign??!!

I've always been really nice to her! I just don't get it. I've left 2 messages on her phone and sent her some flowers to be delivered today, but now I'm really annoyed that she has left me in the lurch. I feel really upset and let down. Is our house not good enough for her to clean or something??

I really want her to come back, but now I'm too scared that if she does, perhaps I better not say anything to her at all for fear of offending her.

OP posts:
pagwatch · 01/11/2010 19:11

Hello Gibb x

pagwatch · 01/11/2010 19:12

In fairness Gibbon you do just like whipping yourself

GibbonWithAnAppleBobbingBibOn · 01/11/2010 19:13
cumfy · 01/11/2010 19:13

She left quite a long note ?

Must have taken something to heart.

ChunkyBrewster · 01/11/2010 19:14

Don't go outside tonight Propinquity, there's a wind howling and the tickets you have on yourself will blow off.

YunoWhatYouDidLastSummer · 01/11/2010 19:15

Another SAHM with a cleaner here, but it's okay I always lash barbed wire tightly around my thigh before I go out pootling to give my cleaner some space to clean. It helps me to remember... something.

lal123 · 01/11/2010 19:17

She's just not that into you....

pjmama · 01/11/2010 19:19

Isn't it wonderful to have a cleaner so you can actually spend time WITH your children, instead of sticking them in front of CBeebies while you scrub floors?!

Best investment in a child's future that I can think of.

thisisyesterday · 01/11/2010 19:23

i am also a SAHM with a cleaner.

and you know what? i LOVE it.

would you like to know why i have a cleaner propinquity?
it's because i hate cleaning and can't be arsed to do it.

if i didn't have a cleaner i'd just spend the money on cake anyway, so my kids still wouldn't get it

thisisyesterday · 01/11/2010 19:23

well said pjmama

catinthehat2 · 01/11/2010 19:26

Chunky, can you explain that reference as it is i) way over my head, but ii) sounds like the sort of thing that will amuse me a lot when I understand it.
TIA Grin

BANGerskite · 01/11/2010 19:30

Oh I'd love a cleaner.

I am a SAHM who hates cleaning too.

Unfortuneately, that just means I have a messy house Sad

Lavitabellissima · 01/11/2010 19:33

I am on maternity leave so am nearly a SAHM with a cleaner. I bloody hate cleaning so why would I do it if I can afford to pay someone else to do it for me. Completely agree with thisisyesterday

My cleaner is fab and always gets excited if I've left her some ironing too!

Move on OP lots of great cleaners around, post for recommendations in your mumsnet local.

onceamai · 01/11/2010 19:33

Propinquity, I have never been rude to anyone on here before but in this instance - when I was single I had a cleaner, when I was a SAHM I had a cleaner, now I work full time I have a cleaner. Nothing to do with laziness. In the first instance I wasn't brought up to clean, in the second I could afford a cleaner without it affecting what was spent on the dc, thirdly I have no wish to mop, hoover, dust and wipe down more than I have to and I am very jolly glad that I dont' have to.

OP - get out there and get a new one. I have always found that a list of essentials including, if you want it, the order they are to be done very helpful. It sets the ground rules and leaves no room for misunderstanding.

Good luck OP.

ChunkyBrewster · 01/11/2010 19:36

Catinthehat2: Grin Hope this helps

I really enjoy it when other people pass up themselves judgement on other's choices.

spiderpig8 · 01/11/2010 19:47

I think she wants to leave for a totally unrelated reason.Very often when someone is letting another person down, they will try to find a reason to pin the blame onto the other person.It's a classic move.Don't give it another thought

NetworkGuy · 01/11/2010 19:54

YANBU - might be worth mentioning you thought her car was cool when you get your keys back from her, and as for wanting to plan so child's room is clean and leaving downstairs until last, seems perfectly reasonable, since you're the one paying, and can have certain requests met.

However, if she has only been with you 3 months, it isn't like a 'bust up' over nothing with someone who has worked for you for 3 years, and it does seem just a way to get a quick exit.

Assume that for whatever reason (travel time, has decided to start some business venture, or just doesn't want to work for you any more) she has chosen to 'move on'.

At least you got some 'reasons' for the decision. When one of my (website design) clients chose to get someone else to rebuild their website (having been with me for years and with no feedback to explain any disatisfaction) I was the last to find out. The website still doesn't look 'complete' (1 year on), the firm they moved to went into administration in May this year, and for all I know, their site might disappear overnight if the web hosting bill fails to be paid.

Will I care? Actually, yes, on a professional level, because I [nearly] queried whether the site was complete, and told them about the administration while also making it clear their website and e-mail might fail under the circumstances, without any warning of it being about to happen.

Of course, it's none of my business, and I am half expecting a "Help!" phone call some day soon, but this is a busy firm of solicitors and while I could just be grateful they have come back to me, and ready to pay me, another part of me says to ignore their call, however much it would hurt my long-term relationship. Oh, yes, what a great "relationship" ! I really have nothing more to lose with them, perhaps...

monstermissy · 01/11/2010 19:54

I am a sahm without a cleaner and why the bitterness?? if i could afford it i would def have a cleaner, who wants to spend time doing that if there is no need to.

thesecondcoming · 01/11/2010 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

otchayaniye · 01/11/2010 20:11

maybe the op wants to spend the time spent cleaning with her child instead. My husband works two night shifts and I work three days and we get someone in twice a week.

Op, was she from overseas? I guess it could be cultural.I

magichomes · 01/11/2010 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catinthehat2 · 01/11/2010 20:13

Ah - it's in Australian, one of my favourite languages.
Yes, enjoyed, thanks Grin

otchayaniye · 01/11/2010 20:13

I can beat that with two friends with nannies and housekeepers!

Propinquity · 01/11/2010 20:15

Whatever the excuses you use to try and justify frittering money on a cleaner when you're home all day anyway with no other committments, it's still pure laziness. If you have the time, if you have the ability....

If you live in a grand mansion with 22 bedrooms, it's reasonable to indulge yourself with staff, if you have anything less than 4 bedrooms as I suspect most MNers do, then it is ...laziness.

Hopping on the defensive just makes you appear guilty Hmm

narna · 01/11/2010 20:20

Another SAHM with a cleaner here.My friend kept making barbed comments til i pointed out that i paid my cleaner less than she spent on cigarettes a week.I know what id rather spend my money on.Each to their own and all that ...