AIBU to feel upset, annoyed and let down by my cleaner who has just resigned??

[zebedeethezebra]

We loved our cleaner. She was expensive but worth it. But today I came back to a note saying she thought I was rude and that working here made her uncomfortable.

The only examples she gave were a comment I made last week about her being early (why does anyone find that offensive???) and this morning I referred to her car as an old jag (I actually think her car is quite cool - its practically a classic!) which was thoughtless I know but enough to make her want to resign??!!

I've always been really nice to her! I just don't get it. I've left 2 messages on her phone and sent her some flowers to be delivered today, but now I'm really annoyed that she has left me in the lurch. I feel really upset and let down. Is our house not good enough for her to clean or something??

I really want her to come back, but now I'm too scared that if she does, perhaps I better not say anything to her at all for fear of offending her.

Ha magichomes... I can beat that with a friend who is a SAHM with two (primary school age) dc in boarding school, a 16 mth old, a full time nanny and yes... a cleaner!

(And she's not happy if that gives you any comfort!)

'So some people are richer than you. Get over it.

'Op, was she from overseas? I guess it could be cultural'

Is it just me, or does anyone else find some of these responses, er....embarrasingly prejudiced?

Not sure how the question of laziness comes up in this one - the question was whether the OP can feel a bit let down when she (feels she) has done nothing to offend.

Consideration of employing someone else to do tasks you prefer not to do, and their choice over how to spend their money, is really far more personal, and seems quite unwarranted to come on to attack someone for them making a choice you feel is "lazy".

Not sure there was any special 'hopping on the defensive' from people, more one of annoyance that their choice to do certain things (because they have chosen to spend money that way) is anyone else's business.

If I decide to spend 250 pounds on fireworks (because I like fireworks) and take care not to frighten pets or the elderly, would you choose to criticise that, too, Propinquity, on the grounds it was frittering away too much money?

Actually Prop, I work so have a cleaner but during the holidays when I don't work I still get her in. And I'm the first to put my hand up and say I'm being a lazy arse. She couldn't make it over half term so the dcs and I wallowed in slothful filth awaiting her return.

Anyway, OP, you sound lovely. Go and find a cleaner who appreciates the employment.

I didn't consider the comments especially prejudiced. I did query the comment saying how she just 'really hates you' and another about whether the cleaner had stolen anything a wee bit OTT, but this is AIBU after all !

Some don't like cleaning so pay someone else who wants the money to do so.
Some don't like shopping and get it delivered, I guess that's 'laziness' too?

My cleaner left with histrionics when I was nearly eight months pregnant too.

She didn't turn up one week because her car had broken down. Fair enough, but she didn't call me to let me know. When I called her to find out what had happened, I was told she had 'better things to do than call me'.

The next week I got home to find that, once again, she hadn't turned up.

When I called to find out why, she told me she didn't want to come in because of the dog. She'd been working for me for four months, with the dog there.

I said 'fair enough, but if you're that scared of the dog I really need to find someone else'. Cue a mouthful of hysterical, foul-mouthed abuse and refusing to give my keys back until I'd given her some money for 'wasting her time'.

Also she was horribly racist.

Needless to say, I didn't send her any flowers.

And I changed the locks.

magichomes 'some people are richer than you, get over it,Propinquity'

No doubt, some are poorer too, point being, why are you counting? - inelegant.

I had a crazy cleaner once, there was always a problem every week, her arrival was a cue for chaos, it was invariably things that had happened to her that morning or on the way in.
I got rid and used an anonymous agency knowing that someone vetted by them would clean my house every week (as I was too lazy to do so). It worked ok until someone I knew very well retired and was looking for cleaning clients. She's a good friend who I can rely on 100%.
If she stops working I will go back to a company.

Props, you're being silly. There is nothing wrong with farming boring tasks out if you can afford it. Some people are glad there's the work. Plus it's money being circulated in the economy and paid in tax, so is actually socially beneficial

i have a 2 bed house and a sporadic cleaner and i bloody love it. I really hope i can keep them on when DC arrives as its not just my full time (and then some) hours that mean i cant be arsed to clean. I cant make the house sparkle and smell like a cleaner can - i just dont have the will, determination or inclination!

Oh, cleaner sounds massively oversensitive. It's just as well she's gone, otherwise you would have had to put up with infinite moaning. Get someone else.

Propinquity, you really are talking absolute rubbish!
A tad perhaps?

Another SAHM here with a cleaner and proud of it!

Ok, maybe a tiny bit of guilt but not enough to stop having one!

Prop - get over yourself

No doubt, some are poorer too, point being, why are you counting?

Ummmm, I thought it was you who complained about cash being 'frittered away' on a cleaner rather than set aside for education.

PS "then complain that someone isn't cleaning to your standard" - can you indicate where the OP complained about shoddy cleaning ? I think there was mention of 'order of rooms' but that's not the same, is it...

Ooh, I have more than four bedrooms so could employ a cleaner guilt-free? Good-oh. I wondered why the place looked such a mess.

It's really a massive assumption to state that someone with a cleaner is lazy. They could be doing all sorts of important things with their time - charity work, part-time business, care for SN child or elderly relatives, all sorts of things. Or they could be severely disabled and simply unable to get down and scrub floors. You also assume that the cleaner does all the household chores, whereas if she pops in for four hours over one or two days a week there's clearly a whole bunch of stuff the householder usually does for themselves. You can't just shout "cleaner = lazy" - well you can, obviously, in fact you did, but it's not necessarily fair.

Also, what's wrong with laziness anyway? (surreptitiously nudges pile of dust under the desk)

So what does 'cleaner=lazy' woman think of SAHDs with cleaners out of interest?

Only asking as I know six or seven SAHDs, all of whom have cleaners and children of nursery age.

Does your outrage extend to them as well?

I am finding this thread funny.

If someone left me a note like that, I'd thank the lord I no longer had to have a person who hated me in my own home!

I can't believe you want her back after that note, zeb. Have you got rhino hide?

LOL on rhino hide !!