to think that actually DH it IS relevant !

[GoreRenewed]

That we used to allow DS#1 at age 11 to go into town with his friend. It is relevant to the fact that I told DD she also can go into town with her friend (she is now 11). DH thinks it isn't OK. And when I accused him of double-standards he told me it was irrelevant that we used to allow DS1 to do the same.

He told me he didn't want to argue and scuttled off to the garage to saw up wood or something.

AIBU?

Can you go into the shed, shout LOOK BEHIND YOU, grab the saw and then make your point again?

Wave it about a bit and he'll agree YANBU pronto, I reckon.

(which you're not.)

no,not at all...assumed she has gone?

YAsoooooNBU.

My parents did exactly the same thing to me - my BigBro was able to do heaps, but I wasn't because I'm a girl.

No.Other.Reason.

Grrrrrr

(Can you tell I'm still annoyed? )

depends on the kid

not the sex of the kid.

i would let dd go lots of places and have freedoms that i wouldnt trust her TWIN brother with.

when they questioned me about it - i told him straight, that his sister proved she was reponsible - so hard shit.

It's supposed to be tomorrow.

Only thing I feel a bit bad about is that I'm not here tomorrow so I shouldn't have arranged it for when he's in charge without asking him. But still, principle remains.

That's the point, DD is painfully sensible!

DS#2 will have to be 40 before I'll let him go anywhere unsupervised

I let mine DD go into town with a friend at that age, on condition they stayed together all day.
Perhaps if she rang him at half time it would reassure him?

What is his reason? Ask him to explain his pov. He may have a very sensible reason - past behaviour of dd, level of maturity, friend she is going with etc.

If it is just because she's a girl, then you need to challenge that pov.

"He told me he didn't want to argue"

Then he has lost all right to have his point of view listened to.

I hate it when men people do this. They lay down their opinion but can't be bothered to explain or defend it - think it should just be accepted as is. Grrr.

YANBU

My father had these double standards and STILL DOES.

He is very sexist, but otherwise lovely. To him it is just obvious that girls don't get the same freedoms.

[hangry]

YANBU...NO way can you get him get away with this! It's wrong on so many levels! Your DD will see you allowing a man to have double standards re what is ok for boys and ok for girls and she will see you cow-towing to him!

Whats the age difference?

Maybe its because things seem to have gotten alot worse the last few years?

I wouldn't let my 11 year old son or daughter go to town, but we do live in a big city.

Age 11 is plenty old enough for a DC to be allowed into town with a friend, unless they are spctacularly scatty.

As you have said your DD is very sensible so really no reason for your DH to object.

A precedent has been set with your DS1, so yoyr DH knows he is BU. That is why he refused to discuss it.

My DH is like this, says "what if she gets snatched off the streets" - this is in a friendly little market town, not the Bronx by the way!

My answer is, well I guess she could be kidnapped off the streets by aliens, but if we follow that logic she will never leave the house.

I think it is because she is a girl as I don't think he will have those worries about DS, though he is a bit young at the moment and is as scatty as they come.

I am not letting him get away with it, though, as DDs need to learn some independence.

They will have to leave home and fend for themselves on the streets eventually and it is better that they learn to look after themselves gradually like this rather than be turfed out when they go to college at 18 with no street smarts whatsoever.

Now THAT would REALLY worry me.

What is he scared of? I mean...11 year old boys are just as vulnerable as girls! For all the same sad disturbing reasons...why dont' you offer to have DD in self defence classes?

x posts!

TBH, boys are more vulnerable on the streets than girls as they are more likely to get attacked by aggressive drunks etc, while the chances of girls getting assaulted on the streets are actually very small.

Sounds unfair if dd is a sensible kid.

I tend to think boys would get more unprovoked aggro than girls.

He's just worried so I'd play it calm and nice and I bet you win him round by the weekend.

Exactly pinty.

Girls are actually at much less risk of attack on the streets than boys.

And girls do tend to mature earlier than boys so an average 11yo girl should be plenty ready for this trip into town.

I would agree don't make it a massive confrontation but don't back down. It isn't fair on your DD.

I don't know what his problem is with this. He won't say. I think muttering and walking off was an admission of unreasonableness.

Anyway she's going. Have just been to get more credit for her phone.

Good on you, Gore, for ignoring your DH on this one.

I would not normally agree with ignoring your DHs felings on parenting issues, but on this one he is being irrational and he knows it.

My DH does this with our DD as well. And I ignore him when he gets like this.

I think it is a daddy-daughter thing. Mums are usually more relaxed about letting DDs have some independence. Dads seem to think there is a wolf around every corner waiting to pounce on their little angel!

Go easy on him, though. It is only because he cares.

THanks hippo.

He is preparing as if she is going on a round the world trip . She has a list of instructions and he is inisting on taking her into town before he lets her go off on her own.

Is he going to tail her from a distance?

Bless him!

Good that his parenting is tempered by yours and vice versa - am always grateful that the DC have two parents with different views on things so that they can see discussion, negotiation, and (after a bit of sulking sometimes [hgrin]) conciliation and resolution.
DH is more protective of the DC in matters like this - I would be happy to send them off to Paris on the train - they are sensible and streetwise, whereas DH insists on collecting them from friends houses five minutes away if it is dark. On the other hand, I am insistent that they eat decent balanced diet and wear warm clothes, whereas when DH is in charge he takes 'em to the shop and they buy the starngest things to eat and never have a coat with them... [hsmile]

I agree different viewpoints and priorities are healthy for DCs. Its interesting to see which ones stick though when they are adults. My DCs father whom I divorced when they were adults - was absolutely obsessed with timekeeping and would go nuts if they were two minutes late for tea or missed a curfew by seconds whereas I was more concerned with communication - i.e. its fine if you come home half an hour later if you have good reason and let us know - or if you dont want to/cant go to dancing/athletics tomorrow 1.let them know and 2.asap.

I would be more angry at just leaving someone in lurch than for actually being late/not arriving etc whereas with EXH no excuse or reason was good enough for being late/not turning up.

Went to visit my DS and DGDs last weekend with DH and we got stuck in traffic - DS and DGDs had cooked lunch for us and DGDs waiting excitedly (for lunch and us !). I phoned him from motorway and he said -

" No probs Mum - thanks for letting us know - do you mind if I give girls theirs now and plate yours up - theyre starving "

Me : " No thats fine - I feel really bad - you and girls gone to all that trouble making a meal for us "

DS : " Mum - you cant help traffic - at least you've let me know so we're not sat waiting - see you in a bit - dont worry"

[smug righteous exonerated emoticon]