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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To HATE My Grandmother Staying?

31 replies

midori1999 · 25/09/2010 00:02

Aaaaaggghhhhhh!!!!

She only arrived today and she's already driving me mad.

She is a self confessed 'clean freak'. She hoovers every day in a house where two pensioners live, she washes the kitchen floor twice daily. She proudly tells everyone that she used to take Dettol everywhere with her (including her MIL's house) in case she had to use the toilet. She will not use the toilet now whilst at airports, out shopping etc. As a joke, last time she stayed I disinfected the bathroom and told her I had done as much. She didn't think it was at all odd or get the joke and just said 'thankyou'. Hmm

She constantly recounts stories of Mary from the post offices sisters cousin's BIL who has cancer or is allergic to dairy. Usually whilst I am watching some series I want to keep up with on TV.

She insists on giving my children ridiculous amounts of sweets, usually by telling them they are allowed them before I know about it, so I feel wicked saying no. She doesn't eat proper meals and makes a huge fuss out of not being able to eat , but she eats crisps, biscuits and sweet sall day and barely any proper meals.

What really annoys me more than anything is she constantly comments on the amount of pets I have as if I am some sort of wierdo and considering her 'clean freak' tendacies, treats my house like a shit hole. I have only just sat down to relax to find she has lefta carrier bag full of rubbish in the living room.

And why, oh why, does she need a clean cup every time she has a cup of coffee?

I love her very dearly, but she drives me nuts. I cannot cope for two weeks. Confused

OP posts:
IndoorGardener · 25/09/2010 00:10

Can she help with the housework, then?

holytoast · 25/09/2010 00:23

I sympathise - really - My family and the outlaws are descending upon us in 5 weeks, for DDs naming day - a week before I go back to work. love them all but hate:

Stacks of newspapers (usually shitty daily mail) left everywhere.
TV sooo loud the street can hear it (my dad wears he isnt going deaf - yeah right!
Nan who constantly goes on about immigrants and 'those people' (DH is irish - but apparently thats different?!?)
bloody MIL brings her own coffee, spread, bread, etc etc, ours isn't good enough, and at every meal, regardless of what it is, has to have a boiled plain potato. otherwise her world would end.
She also never, and I mean never, stops talking. ever. and its all shite.
she also does the cleaning thing - but hers is the kind where everything gets turfed out of the cupboard, it is cleaned thoroughly and then everything sits on the table for weeks.
FIL just never speaks and goes for lots of walks.
but my mum is lovely and helpful, so its tolerable. and Grandad is an old lush so generally at some point we all get pissed which makes it better - except MIL and FIl -who are teetotal.

Enjoy yours though! Could you tell her you had a call from her neighbour to say her carpet is in a right state - she might rush home....

CountessVonKnackerstein · 25/09/2010 00:25

I wish my Grandma lived with me :( I'd give anything to see her again.
I love my Granny who I take out for the day once a week, and our DC's and I look forward to it. She's so old fashioned and her opinions are refreshingly different, and she's a trendy old bird!
Sorry but I think YABU.

buggyjo · 25/09/2010 00:27

Sadwish i still has a nan,miss her so much,those things do wind you up,but please try and enjoy your time with her.x

cerealqueen · 25/09/2010 00:34

She sounds great, what a character. Grin.

holytoast · 25/09/2010 00:44

ooh, and MIL does the complaining about pets too, and the random leavings of rubbish everywhere - she is convinced out cat is going to turn feral and drag our baby away and eat her.
are they the same person?

PinkieMinx · 25/09/2010 00:48

Basically she like sweets, cleans up and is a bit of an 'old lady' - euthanasia anyone?

YABVU and horrible about your nan - don't have her over then Confused Sad

gtamom · 25/09/2010 08:34

Send her here, my bathroom could use a bit of Dettol!

pjmama · 25/09/2010 08:39

Hand her a duster, show her where the hoover is and tell her to get on with it! Wink

gerontius · 25/09/2010 11:07

Wanting clean cups to drink coffee out of? The world's going mad.

curlymama · 25/09/2010 11:28

What's wromg with wanting a clean cup for every cup of coffee? I do that and don't see the problem.

I adore my Granny too, but I do find myself getting slightly bored when I phone her, and she has talked for half an hour about what she has had for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the last week. Then she tells me about how busy the bus was and all about the drives attitude, good or bad. She sometimes even asks how me and the DC's And DH are, but she is more likely to ask about DH's Dad, who she has met once, because he had a stroke 6 years ago and so did she!

Bless, you've got to love old people!

Ariesgirl · 25/09/2010 11:31

She sounds as though she has OCD. It's a good thing she can't see my house. You have my sympathy.

majafa · 25/09/2010 14:52

My nan died 6mths before her 100th birthday,
I still miss her.

LoveBeingInvitedToTheVIPSale · 25/09/2010 14:55

My nan passed away recently and would pick at a roast dinner but gobble down a bowl of trifle stright after. If I get to 90, I'll eat whatever I want to as well Grin

Focus on maing some nice memories, of course being able to tell the funny times of playing bingo, or her eating nothing but cream cakse is nice try and get some fun ones in there as well.

Vallhala · 25/09/2010 14:55

How sad. My Nanny died sixteen years ago, at the age of 76. I spent 29 all-too-short years knowing her and I miss her as much today as I did the day she died. I would give so much to have just one more day with her.

I hope that you never regret the passing of time as I do.

gorionine · 25/09/2010 14:58

TBH I think i would make the most of her cleaning skills and would definitely let her "help" a bit.

Two weeks is a bit long though so I sympathise.

Oh can I just add something else about this"
"She constantly recounts stories of Mary from the post offices sisters cousin's BIL who has cancer or is allergic to dairy. Usually whilst I am watching some series I want to keep up with on TV. "

I think it is a bit rude to want to really follow something on TV when you have visitors arround (not saying that you should not watch tv, but not concentrating more on tv that guest IYSWIM). I am sorry because you did not ask but I really felt about itBlush.

woahwoah · 25/09/2010 15:00

YABU - Why shouldn't she drink her coffee out of a clean cup - sounds normal to me.

All the talking is probably because she doesn't get much chance to chat - she is probably a bit lonely and you are a new and hopefully interesting person to talk to. Couldn't you record the programme you want to watch and show an interest in her?

gingerkirsty · 25/09/2010 15:05

I am not sure I would like having anyone to stay with me for a fortnight!!! Take a few deep breaths (several times a day) and take it one day at a time :) Try to focus on the positives and ignore the negatives... easier said than done I know... She will probably not be around for much longer so make the most of her - and as others suggest, get her to help with the housework!!! Grin

Portofino · 25/09/2010 15:40

Do we share a grandmother? Mine is exactly the same. Drives me nutty! Grin

StealthPolarBear · 25/09/2010 15:45

sympathies OP :)

I know people are missing others but that doesn't mean the OP can't have a little rant. She is NOT suggesting euthenasia, she is asking how will I cope for 2 weeks, and look for some light hearted MN sympathy.

ApocalypseFlangePop · 25/09/2010 15:59

Envy wish I had a Grandma/ Grandad/ Mum/ Great aunt Dot to moan about, all my families dead now Sad

Just me, me bro, and two sisters left....and the dcs of course

Original poster
midori1999 · 25/09/2010 17:43

My sympathies to all those whose Grandparents are not with them and whom they miss. I will, no doubt, miss her when she is gone, but expect that to be years away yet. When I told her I was going to the gym now in an effort to get fit and had been doing an hour on the cross trainer, she asked what level. When I said 'level one' she said 'oh well, it's a start'... Shock (she goes to the gym several times a week)

I went out as planned today to visit my friend at a dog show. When I got back she had givent he kids orangeaid, which they are never allowed, been trying to 'potty train' my son (whom I have told her numerous times is not ready for potty training), has covered him in her own cream for his dry skin, (I have told her before he is allergic to this but she refuses to believe it and insists it is wonderful) which has given him a rash and has 'noticed he has puss coming out of his eye'... No, he has a cold as always gets blocked tear ducts at these times, which nothing can be done about except keep it clean.

She also has a habit of thinking whatever has happened to someone else has happened to her once. That includes when my other nan died and my sister told her and she said, 'yes, that happened to me once'. I swear if you'd be to Tenerife, she's been to Elevenarife.

I hate the cup thing as it just means there are hundreds of cups left by the sink.

Honestly? I hate anyone coming to stay, except my sister and can just about tolerate my Mum. I like my own space and time to myself. Heck, my DH and I argued constantly for the first year of amrried life as we were both so used to living on our own. My DH is away for six weeks and I love the evenings to myself. I agreed to her staying as I didn't want to hurt her feelings when she asked and my DC love her and think she is wonderful. Which she is, but she is also incredibly irritating.

Of course, I would never actually be horrible at her, so try my best to smile sweetly and pretend to be interested in all she has to say. I will probably rant on here for two weeks though... Blush

OP posts:
lazylula · 25/09/2010 17:49

My nan died 5 years ago last Thurs and I miss her like mad. i wish she could come and stay with me! Sorry, for this reason I think YABU, make the most of the time you have together!

NonnoMum · 25/09/2010 17:57

Clean cup every time you have a drink seems pretty normal to me.

Hating pets seems pretty normal.

Spoiling grandchildren with sweets seems pretty normal grandparent behaviour.

The rest of it... not sure...

2rebecca · 25/09/2010 18:19

I'm a clean cup person, sometimes if mugs low I'll rinse one out but usually use a clean one.
I'd get her doing granny things like baking cakes and take her for trips round gardens and palaces etc.
If she wants to clean your house let her.