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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think someone could call me ffs.

31 replies

Ilythia · 21/08/2010 17:26

Oh IAB totally U but I am tense.

We got a call from teh hosptial at 9 saying MIL's breathing was going shallow and they advised the family to go in, so they all went in, leaving me and DD's at FIL's house. No problem with that.
DH called at 1ish to say they were going for lunch and her breathing was erratic.
Nothing since then. I don't know where they are, what is happening, when they will be back, and meanwhile I have 2 children and a mad dog to stick in front of dvds entertain all day.
As I am the only person who cannot get to the hospital to say my last goodbyes would it not be nice of them to call me once in a while.

See. Told you IWABU. But better to be pissed off on here then in RL.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilythia · 21/08/2010 17:28

Sorry, not AIBU by stealth. MIL is dying. She has not been given fluids or food for nearly a week now and has a serious chest infection they are not treating, hence, they are at bedside.
I cannot be there.
I am upset about this.

OP posts:
sorrento56 · 21/08/2010 17:29

I am so sorry. I expect nothing has really changed and that is why no one has called. Is there a friend who could watch the kids for an hour or so so you can go and see your MIL?

Original poster
Ilythia · 21/08/2010 17:30

thanks. I know that it will be there is no change, but I am upset too, and they are all together to deal and I am alone with dd's.
No friends here, DH and I moved away 15 years ago. everyone I know is at the hospital.

OP posts:
racmac · 21/08/2010 17:31

Sad Sad
Im sure you will hear soon enough

sorrento56 · 21/08/2010 17:31

Do you know any MNters near you?

rewardgirl · 21/08/2010 17:33

Can't you go to hospital too for a short while, take DD's with you. Everyone will prob be glad of the distraction and your mil might like to see a young smiling face.

LucyLouLou · 21/08/2010 17:36

Oh YANBU you silly thing! Of course they could've called you. There won't be malice in their actions though, but you already know that, I'm sure. Where in the country are you? Are there any MNers who could help you?

Thinking of you. x

Original poster
Ilythia · 21/08/2010 17:36

MIL is in a vegatitive state. We took the girls in the other day to say goodbye and DD1 was Not Happy (putting it mildly)
AFAIK there are 8 adults roudn bedside or at least in the hospital, we can't go. \plus there is the fact she may die at any point, I don't want my DD's there when she does.

I don't know re MNers tbh, I don't live here!

OP posts:
SeaTrek · 21/08/2010 18:30

I'm so sorry about your MIL Sad

YANBU to want a phone call but like LucyLouLou said, I am sure there is no malice involved. I am guessing that time is standing still for them right now.

Glitterknickaz · 21/08/2010 18:34

Can you call the hossie yourself?

ChippingIn · 21/08/2010 18:35

Ilythia

Hugs

Yes, DH needs to understand that you are finding this hard, very hard, as well. That you are doing everything you can to make it easier for everyone else, but actually you need some help too :(

I wish I was near and could have the girls (and the mad dog) for you.

I've missed you since you went up there - I was just about to go and do a search on your name to see if I'd missed you anywhere this week and there was this thread....

Bigger than big hugs and a box to scream in x

Katey1010 · 21/08/2010 18:35

Glitter, that was what I was going to say... Call the hospital and ask yourself.

CheeseandGherkins · 21/08/2010 18:37

Agree, give them a call.

ivykaty44 · 21/08/2010 18:39

Yes - give the hospital a call and explain the situation Sad

tibni · 21/08/2010 18:47

Ilythia, what a terribly difficult time for you all. It is not easy being the person that has to try and hold it all together and keep life normal when it is far from normal. Take care.

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 21/08/2010 18:50

I had the same thing. I drove to the hospital, DH came out and watched the kids in the car while I went and said goodbye to FIL for a few minutes and then we swapped back.

SO sorry for what your family is going through. It's a horrible time. FIL died in Jan, and although the day to day is getting easier, we still both have bad days. Like today Sad

Original poster
Ilythia · 22/08/2010 00:01

Thanks guys.
The best mil a girl could ever have died a few hours ago with her sons, dh, stepdaughter, sister and niece around her. We shouldall be so lucky.

Dh's phone was dyingso he had switched it off. Am going into chapel of rest tomorrow first thing, told dh i felt crappy for not being able to be there and so he is going to stay with dds while i go. Back home for me tomorrow with dds until funeral as house will be manic enough for fil without them too. Its a small house!

Good to get rant out of my system on here while they were in there tho.

OP posts:
BusyMissIzzy · 22/08/2010 00:08

I'm so sorry for your loss, but that's lovely that she had so many of her family with her at the end. Glad you feel better after venting on here.
Thinking of you, and your DH and DDs. Also, it's lovely to hear someone speak so positively of their MIL on here.

Vallhala · 22/08/2010 00:10

I'm so sorry for your loss and hope that the love of your family will comfort you all.

Val x

tots2ten · 22/08/2010 00:17

ilythia I am so so sorry. Sad thinking of you all xxx

if you need anything let me know, when you get back if you want some time to yourself let me know i will have the dds for you.

onimolap · 22/08/2010 00:18

Ilythia: I am so sorry.

I hope DH realises that it was also tough for you, and you find peace when you go to say goodbye tomorrow. Well done for looking after your DDs today; you may not have been at her bedside, but what you did was every bit as important.

ChippingIn · 22/08/2010 01:35

Ilythia

I am so, so sorry. You were very lucky to have had her and her you - but I know that's not enough... she was far too young to die.

She was very lucky to have had most of her family around her at the end and would have understood why you couldn't be there.

It was very hard on you not being able to be there with them. Life isn't fair :(

Big, big hugs from the bottom of my heart

Drive home carefully tomorrow.

'Speak' to you soon.

xxx

gtamom · 22/08/2010 01:49

Please accept my sincere condolences on your loss.

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 22/08/2010 06:46

SO sorry for your loss Sad

sorrento56 · 22/08/2010 16:41

I am so sorry for your loss.
Sad
Take care of yourself.