To criticise my husband?

[Maria101]

I've got a 9 week old baby, who I'm desperately trying to get into some kind of night time routine. I've got a night lamp, talk to her in hushed tones etc etc. My husband, who helps out with night/early morning feeds, does stuff like turn the bedroom lights on full (at 11pm when she's fast asleep, or trying to settle in her basket). Or he'll read his book until gone midnight when I have to be up in two hours for a feed. Or he'll feed her at at 3am in front of a noisy TV show, or he'll have the lap top screen shining near her face as he's burping her. I keep telling him to keep things low key at night, and he keeps telling me I've read too many baby books and need to relax a bit. Am I being unreasonable? (Not to mention ungrateful?)

erm, i think if he's totally ignoring what you want to do, then he is being unreasonable.

I certainly always kept things v. dark and quiet at sleepy time, and had two babies that slept well.

No.

He's being unreasonable. Have a good chat with him...

If what he does means that the baby takes longer to settle after night feeds, then make him stay up until she settles. He'll come around to your way of thinking.

He's being unreasonable. What you are suggesting sounds pretty normal and sensible, nothing OTT or too rigid. Can you find a compromise ie a dim light for the bedroom, if he is up late reading then he stays on the sofa until the feed so he doesn't wake you?

That's the thing, he will stay up with her until she settles. The other night he had her from 2am until 5.30am, when she wouldn't settle. He needs much less sleep than me (before we had her, he would often be up at 6am having gone to bed after midnight). He doesn't realise that a) I need to sleep as much as possible at the moment and b) I want to create bedtime habits for her.

YANBU and are trying to take the right steps for a good night-time routine, but you might want to relax a little bit.

Babies need to learn to sleep through a bit of noise and disruption.

fair enough to insist that he doesnt read his book late (in same room as you) or turn the lgihts on in the bedroom whilst you and baby are sleeping, that is common courtesy surely?

I would insist on those 2 things as ground rules.

I agree with your way of doing things. however, she is half his child and it sounds like he is doing half of the care so you need to compromise, in this case it sounds like each of your opinions are equally valid. Which is very annoying and its a pity he can't just realise you are right and do it your way!

I seem to be married to the same man! However, after 9 weeks even my DH. The payback was that even he was getting tired after 9 weeks of being up every night for 3 hours (I would typically be up less than an hour).

In the end he saw the point and calmed things down. DS now sleeps through the night. Hope your DH sees sense soon.

Sorry, feeding DS, should have previewed!

WHy should you be greatful that your DH helps with the baby? his baby right.. If his way works fine let him get on with it..if it doesnt make sure he learns quickly!