Not an AIBU, but more a WWYD

[Mowgli1970]

The wet shoe thread got me thinking how much do you expect your kids to do, do they do it without being reminded, or do you have to remind/nag/threaten to get it done.
My dd is 9 and my ds is 7. I expect them to put shoes and coats away, make their bed (but always have to remind them), lay the table and be responsible for personal hygiene - wash face, clean teeth, brush hair (again, I always have to remind them). Occasionally they'll do chores around the house (I pay them to dust) and I expect them to help out when asked (to clean the car, carry the shopping in etc.)
What age are your dcs and what do they do?

good thread idea I'll watch with interest. my DCs are only 3.1 and 11m, but when they get older I'll expect similar things to you. I'm thinking of doing one of those picture charts for each morning that I've seen on supernanny etc - a tick chart for teeth, hair, bed etc.

DD will help out with things but as she's only 3 it's really more for her sake than mine as obviously she's quite slow at things - e.g. I'll ask her to empty the washing machine etc.

we've talked about linking some pocket money to extra chores but we're not really sure how to do it... there's some things we'd expect them to do anyway (making beds, rooms tidy etc) and so they wouldn't get 'paid' for that. difficult balance - I'd want them to feel rewarded for helping out but then I also want them to help out just out of kindness rather than always expecting something!

My son is 10 so he does things like taking out wheelie bins/recycling, cooking simple meals, loading the washing machine/dishwasher... plus generally keeping place tidy, helping when asked, doing other chores. The expectations have increased over time. (Once he can do the ironing it'll be marvellous!) Reminders are often necessary but, as I point out to him, I'm a Mum and nagging is hardwired into my DNA :)

I've found that you do have to sometimes take stock and consciously revise the list of expectations. Otherwise it's too easy to keep doing everything for them and I don't think that does anyone any favours.

"it's too easy to keep doing everything for them and I don't think that does anyone any favours."

I totally agree!

My DD 5 made her own and her brothers bed this morning...unprompted. I was

However she hasn't as yet brushed her hair (although she is crying because apparently I am going on at her about it) and only just brushed her teeth and got dressed after repeated requests (and we are not in UK at moment so it is actually lunchtime!)

My dses are 13, 15 and 17. Each week one of them is responsible for emptying the dishwasher each morning, one is responsible for cleaning the family bathroom (dh and I have an en suite, so they are the only ones using it, so I think it only fair that they have to sanitise it), and one is responsible for emptying the bins when neccessary, taking the recycling out to the blue bins, and putting the bins out on bin day.

But they often don't do these jobs unless I nag and remind and nag some more.

They are also expected to help out with other things round the house - they are supposed to put their clothes to the wash, though ds2 and ds3 seem to think that the best way to do this is to collect dirty laundry on your floor for the whole week, then put it to the wash when told to tidy your room (tidying your room being another job, and one that needs doing if you want your pocket money). You can always tell here if a boy has tidied their room, as the laundry basket goes from empty to full in an instant.

They also help out with things like lawn mowing, bits of DIY that need more than one pair of hands, occasional hoovering or picking up round the house, and they take it in turns to de-poo the lawn after the dog.

My DD is almost 12 and she is responsible for feeding the cat, laying the table most nights and putting away her own clean washing. She is fairly good with hygeine issues, teeth etc. She is also expected to do ad hoc chores (emptying the d/waher, tidying the lounge etc) when asked and, at the moment, is fairly good at doing without moaning. I don't expect that to last! She is however, terrible at picking up after herself. She leaves her shoes strewn wherever they come off, her room is a pit and she rarely returns crockery to the kitchen without loads of nagging!

DS is 5 and helps to clear the table after dinner. He will also "help" when I am cleaning the bathroom or kitchen. He is reasonable tidy and will usually put stuff away when asked. He still neds supervision for teeth and washing. He is not bothered about a bit of grafting and we often spend a happy hour togehter with a "squirter" and a cloth! At the weekends, he helps DH strip the beds and sort the washing.

I am great believer in getting them involved. Mainly so that they will have the skills later in life unlike me and DH who both left home pretty clueless about washing/cooking/cleaning etc. I also think it's important that they learn that everyone who lives here needs to contribute to all the jobs that need to be done around the house.

I am fairly laid back about most parenting issues but this is something I feel strongly about!

17yo DS is responsible for his bedroom including vacuuming it, keeping the bathroom he shares with his brother clean (much nagging for that one), putting out/taking in the bins (needs reminding about the day but does it cheerfully), splitting logs for the fire in Winter and lugging pool chemicals around in Summer and is expected to do 2 hours gardening a week.

11yo DS and 7yo DD between then lay and clear the table for meals, unload and load the dishwasher every day, feed the dog, pick up her poo and take her for one walk a day (usually DS) and keep their bedrooms tidy. DD is keen to take responsibility for her/the guest bathroom but I'm not that keen for her to be spraying chemicals around.

They all help with other bits and bobs like sorting laundry, dusting, and generally clearing up. Not too bad I guess when I write it down.

Dh and I got so fed up having to remind Ds 10 yo and dd 7 yo to do simple tasks such as go clean their teeth that we have a check list of what the children are expected to do before leaving for school in the morning.

In addition to feed and water pets, brush hair etc. we've gone as for as stating eat breakfast and have a drink as we were fed up with the length of time these things took.

Actually, as a system it works very well as children know exactly what is expected of them - fewer disagreements on who should be doing what as well. Result!

As a cautionary tale.... my next-door neighbour's girls are now late teens/early twenties and she freely admits that she made a huge mistake not expecting them to help around the house. Consequently, she's stuck with two bone-idle grown-ups who have no motivation to move out because they'd have to look after themselves and who flop about the house all day doing nothing there either!

Be-wa-a-a-re!!!

DD is 5 next month, she is expected to wash her hands and face, brush her teeth and make her bed in the morning (which she now does as routine, without complaint.)

She also has to lay the table for dinner and take her dishes to the kitchen when she's finished eating.

After dinner, before bathtime I ask DD to clear the living room and take all toys to her room which she does, we tidy her room together every few days - she likes to hoover it herself.

I also expect her to put her clothes/pyjamas in the laundry basket after she gets changed.

I know some people think I ask too much of her, and that she's too young to do so much but she is actually happy to do these little jobs and I think it's important to get her helping around the house.

DS2 is five, and this is what he does..

Takes his plates/cups/glasses out to the kitchen after use.

Put his shoes away and hang his own coat up on his hook.

Put his dirty clothes in the laundry.

Empty washing machine into dryer, and then empty dryer into laundry basket.

Clean his toys away at the end of the day.

DD is two and she will put her shoes away and hang her coat up on her hook and put her dirty clothes in the laundry.

I cant wait until my son is old enough to do the ironing, but as he`s not due until January ive got a long wait

DS1 is 3.4, and does the following:

puts own clothes in laundry basket
sort laundry/put into machine/take out of machine
shower (with supervision) in the evening, wash in the morning
tidy toys & books (needs nagging already!)
put shoes on show rack
take own cups & plates to kitchen
play with baby brother
likes helping DH make his sandwiches in the morning
helps me strip and change the beds (actually better than DH at that!!)

He'd like to do more actually, it's just what we can safely allow him to do...

When he's older, he will have to help out with all the other things DH and I do.
As we have a cleaner, I don't envisage full scale housework as such, but certainly to contribute to the day to day running of the house.

When I was a kid, me & 3 siblings had to spend ALL DAY every Sunday doing chores, so I have some ishoos about making my kids do that level of work! But they should definitely be self sufficient, I don't want any future DILs coming on here complaining about their lazy DHs and blaming me!!

I'm definitely one for starting young. My DS is 21 months and he loves helping out so I try and encourage it as much as I can, within reason. He will sort the colours and whites and loves stuffing a load in the machine. He will also lay the table with his plate, cup etc before dinner and 'help' with getting pots and pans from the cupboards. (Obviously no touching hot stuff or going near the stove).

I'm hoping that if we can keep it up, he'll just assume that chores are something everyone does! Better that than his dad who never had to lift a finger growing up and has had to learn chores the hard way, as an adult.

My ds 6 next week

puts shoes on the rack and his coat as he can't reach the pegs so I hang it up!

Lays table and clears away plates

Makes bed when I remind him

puts clothes in wash basket

loves hoovering so will often ask to do this

tidies bedroom.

Actually redaing this thread I think its time to broaden his horizons re housework

DS is 2.7 and we have tidy up time before lunch and bath where he helps tidy toys away. And he helps putting cutlery / pans away after lunch. He also likes to "help" with hoovering at the mo which is less helpful usually.

DS is 2.5 and does more than my 16yr old brother. Including:
Puts his dirty clothes in the machine
Takes his dirty plates out
Puts his wrappers & rubbish in the bin
Tidy's his toys before bed
Wipes the table after dinner (we have to do it again after, obviously)
Sweeps the rug with the carpet sweeper before dinner (awesome buy, that was. It has an adjustable handle to make it toddler size )
Helps peg out the washing (he's in charge of pegs)

It's all a big game to him.

DHs Mum did everything for him when he was growing up. I met him when he was 21 and she was still making his breakfast and cups of tea, doing his washing and cleaning his bedroom. I put a stop to that right away...and he's very good now.

DD 2.8.

She is excellent at putting her shoes into the shoe box (and selecting her shoes in the morning) and usually doesn't have to be asked now.

She is also pretty good a putting her coat/cardi away. She will put dirty clothes into the washing basket most of the time but I usually do have to ask.

She tidies up after herself, but she is still very young so I help - we do it together.

She loves to cook but makes a hell of a mess which I clean up. She does was up when we are camping (in bucket)

She will wipe up table but uses any available tea towel so we are working on that.

She loves hanging clothes up - but hasn't got the shaking them out first knack sorted yet.
Pust stuff in the bin - out kitchn has a stair gate over it but she has her own bin in the bathroom. She also brings that bin to me to be emptied when it need it.

She's doing really well.

We need a thread on the bloody mess kids can make too - I can never give DD a bowl of cereal, a drink and a spoon at the same time without utter carnage.