Anyone who has a severe dairy allergic child at nursery/with a chilminder? Advice please.

[AcademicMum]

DS2 is 12 months old and anaphylactic for dairy. I am back at work now and for the moment, dp has reduced his working hours to look after ds2 whilst I am at work. The nursery that ds1 is attending refuses to accept ds2 because of the severity of his dairy allergy. We are therefore looking into the possibility of a childminder. However, at home we minimise risk of ds2's exposure to dairy because we no longer buy milk, make all food dairy free and apart from giving ds1 cheese sandwhiches and the odd yoghurt, there is almost no dairy in the house. DS1 has learnt to be very careful with milk products and even though he is only 4 he understands that this is important because he is egg/nut allergic. Other children though are unlikely to be aware and even well-meaning family and friends tend not to realise the care that must be taken. So, is it realistic to be able to get ds2 settled with a childminder or will there be a constant worry that he might have a severe reaction today?

Advice greatly appreciated from those who've been there/done that.

Thanks in advance.

Yes. I had big problems finding nursery and more with one that said not a problem but it was. Son's cousin is galactasemic (organs will shut down if gets lactose) and his mum has found a very good child minder. They are out there but it will take some searching.

personally found a list of brands that used that is available when you first approach can sometimes help reasure not so hard as most people fear. Also helps with the birthday party issues (although offers for pack also often help here)

Good luck.

I am a cm. All cm have to do a first aid course and if he has an epipen we can train to be able to use it.

No one can guarantee he wont get some dairy but I would expect a cm to be happy to risk assess and make sure there is nothing laying around that could cause a problem.

The biggest danger in my house would be if my toddler threw a yogurt at him (!) or something, or if some dairy got on the floor and I didnt notice. How likely is it that will cause a problem?

Its worth ringing a few and finding out. You can always supply food for him, no reason for cm to provide anything if you dont want them to.

I am disgusted at the nursery tbh.

I agree risk assessment would be the way to go

But a childminder is unlikely to be able to make her house as dairy free as yours would be as the needs of the other children need to be met

Is there an issue with washing dishes together or using cutlery/crockery that has been used for dairy?

Would a nanny who looked after him in your the home be an option? Might make it easier to control his environment if there weren't other toddlers being looked after )like at CM's)
Might be cost effective if nanny looked after both boys (Not sure how old his older bro is)

Hi Academic Mum - my DD (21 months) is also anaphylactic to dairy, and she's been with her childminder for a year now. I've never looked into a nursery so can't comment on that (although seems like a pretty poor nursery that can't deal with allergies, ven severe ones, IMO), but I felt the CM option was more controllable and she would have more attention in any case (but that's just what I'm personally more comfortable with).

We have had a couple of minor incidents (where DD got hold of a drained glass of milk, and then when she picked up another mindee's yogurt tube which he had hidden under a chair) - the CM got to her before she took too much, but she was still poorly - but nothing too serious. We've had more problems out at cafe's where there have been traces of dairy left on seats etc! The CM's own kids and the other older mindees are all extremely good at watching out to make sure DD doesn't get hold of any dairy, and all take it very seriously. Yes, accidents will happen, but at some point I figure you've got to start to let go a bit, and if you can find a CM or nursery you really trust, then that really helps as well. I did used to worry a bit, but I can honestly say I don't any more - I know the CM is very responsible and would use the epipen correctly if necessary, but it will probably never happen as the CM is very good. Its also good, I think, to get them used to a potentially dangerous environment so they know they need to ask before they grab other people's food/drink - obviously at a later age than your DD, but good to start getting them used to it.

Sorry - waffly - but I think you shouldn't be disheartened and keep looking around for a CM or nursery that can deal with this...

PS we supply all DD's food/snacks/drinks if that's an issue? I'm not quite ready to let go that much yet!

Would just say that I found the can't cope with allergy response at nearly 10 nurseries when I was looking and nearly 1/4 thought it would actually put the other children at risk. Nurserys need more allergy awareness training!

I think had i have to do it again I would advise CM route. There is less people to get to cooperate with restrictions so less chance of slip ups. Ok nursery got new chef who didn't understand problem fully and caused us problems . With CM no staff change issues.

misscreosote, it's reassuring to hear that others do manage to cope with this. I thought we were pretty allergy-aware because of ds1's allergies, but never anticipated the difference having a child be anaphylactic to something which is around everywhere you go. I think the nursery is being fussy because we were furious with them for allowing egg-allergic ds1 to break eggs into a bowl during a cooking activity , so now they are not keen on dealing with another allergic child (of ours).

There is now a voluntary Ofsted register for nannies, so an Ofsted registered nanny will have at least the same level of qualification as a cm, CRB check, paediatric first aid etc. A registered nanny can also accept childcare vouchers.

Thanks for your replies. Dairy on the floor is likely to be a problem and my biggest worry would be him sticking his hands in someone else's yoghurt or stealing someone else's beaker of milk. DS1 is 4 and starts school in september so we were hoping a childminder would be able to take ds1 to school in the morning, look after ds2 and I finish work before ds1 finishes school so I'd collect ds2 and then collect ds1. We were considering a nanny, but I was a bit concerned about the lack of regulation surrounding nannies, whereas at least cm's are regulated, have undergone some training etc.

Blimey- that is incredible that the nursery let your son break eggs. FFS!
Anyway you can check out nannys and go for one who has been through training, has qualifications. You could even pay for them to go on a one day first aid course which isn't much money. Get one who's worked with various families in your neighbourhood so you can talk to previous employers.

The idea that they might die from certain foods is something I think many people don't take seriously and that's really scarey but having seen ds2 getting an anaphylactic rection was probably the most frightening thing I have ever seen.

I'm starting to think now that it might be worth putting more effort into checking out possibilities for nannies, which is probably the safest option.

Most people just don't seem to appreciate these types of issues when taking about allergic children do they?

You may be able to find a nanny with allergy experience. I'm a nanny and my charge has a peanut allergy, and I've had a previous charge with a special diet. The paediatric first aid course I did to register with Ofsted included anaphalaxis.

I have had bad experiences of nurseries attitudes to allergic children (and veggie children, children with specific dietary requirements). The last nursery I worked in once accidentally gave cake to a girl with an egg allergy. Instead of informing the parents immediately they basically put her to bed and hoped for the best so they wouldn't get in trouble. Luckily she was fine.

what area are you? in maybe there is a cm on here that feels adequately trained that may have a vacancy you could talk to at length about your ds as a cm I cater for various allergies and diets at the moment I have ds2 who can't tolerate dairy a mindee with severe egg allergy and another mindee who carries epi pen at all times due to four allergies thankfully I have never had to use it but is great to have at hand just in case.

willowthewispa, that is about the girl with the egg allergy. I guess I was originally hoping to get him into nursery just because despite mistakes with ds1's allergies (one being the breaking eggs instance being the worst, the other being ds1 having a serious reaction to something unknown and not a single member of staff noticing his swollen face, eyes and typical "allergic" rash) - ds1 loves nursery, has an immune system of iron and is extremely sociable, which at least in part I feel can be attributed to his going to nursery. On the other hand, the risk of ds2 having a reaction just isn't worth it.

Lesbianmummy, good idea. I'll put something on the cm board I think. Thanks.

By the way, anyone know any good nanny agencies, or ones to avoid?????

Academic -- welcome to my world! I think a nanny would be better for you as at least you would be able to control their environment. Interviewed a CM and after explaining about DS intolerances to cow milk protein, she said, 'I would only cook with cream and not milk...'

Have a look:

you can get a bodyguard with this one!!

Shocking stuff, I clearly am a bit naive, I didnt think it would be an enormous issue for people to go the extra mile. Even more shocking the lack of medical care these children have received, all cm are first aid trained and all nurseries should have trianed staff but obviously not everyone paid much attention.

As I said the biggest risk I can see is other children, as a cm we go out to toddler groups and its very hard to keep an eye on them every second. I couldnt make my house dairy free and with up to 6 mindees at a time it is again hard to see them every single second. I cant see how you could guarantee you will watch them 100% of the time.

I wouldnt turn a child away because of allergies but this has opened my eyes how hard it might be. A nanny would be able to give your child one to one attention which does sound safer.

Not wishing to be the voice of gloom, but I would actually personally prefer to find a nanny myself than use an agency- check her references, qualifications, etc myself personally rather trust an agency to do it. After hearing of my friend whose nanny agency supplied her with a terrible nanny (hit the kids), and it then turned out the agency had moved her round families several times, even though she'd caused trouble in each family. So much for thoroughly checking references etc., they were basically lying. At least if you have the candidates in front of you you can interview them yourself, get a feel for whether you get on with them, see how they are with your DS, do a trial day with you in the house- get them to bring their various certificates and phone the various bodies to verify them if you wish. Phone or meet the Mums she's previously worked for and talk at length. That's all the agencies are purporting to do for you, and frankly you're going to be more thorough than an agency will as you CARE, and they may, or may not care. Also of course you then don't have to pay agency fees
I do think a nanny is the best option but you don't need to use an agency. Try Gumtree.com, or (ducks for cover) Netmums.
BTW I am completey stunned at that nursery putting the little girl with the egg reaction to bed instead of calling her folks!

I have a slightly different perspective on the nursery, although and at the eggs thing, I would prefer the nursery to say they can't cope with an allergy rather than say they can without realising the implications.

When looking at a nursery for DS2 (not allergic but had to presume he was until proved otherwise because of DS1), I thought they were too confident, a breezy, oh yes, we can do dairy free was not reassuring for me. Dairy free is not a breeze, it's bloody hard to do properly, a jolly and casual "no problem!" doesn't fill me with confidence iyswim. So he went to a childminder, and I provided all his food, although now he has the all-clear she feeds him.

DS1 (the badly allergic one) wasn't out of my sight until pre-school at 3. My rule was always that I would provide his food, and he wasn't to have anything that I hadn't given him or that hadn't been discussed. At pre-school he'd sit on another table from the children who were drinking milk at snack time to protect him from spillages.

I'm really surprised to hear that so many nurseries are not able to cope with allergies. My DS2 (18 months) attends nursery 2 days a week and has multiple, severe allergies. In particular, he's anaphylactic to dairy and wheat.

The nursery have been fantastic. I provide everything he eats, including snacks, at the moment, but are being proactive in asking what safe snacks they can order in especially for him.

This thread has made me realise how lucky we are to have this level of care. I only wish it was available to all.

theLoneFeeder- you give me hope that there are some good places out there! DS1's nursery were not keen on us providing our own food for him even when he was a baby and just starting on solids.

I guess it's all just a matter of good supervision, but ds1's nursery have said they can not guarantee "that X will not come into contact with the allergens and the risk of cross-contamination". I just find it all a bit depressing to be honest .

I agree it's better for the nursery to be upfront about their limitations - it must be so difficult to keep one child away from dairy when there will be dairy around for all the other children. I would definitely go for a nanny if possible, so you can control the environment and have one person responsible for your ds.

As a nanny, I haven't been massively impressed with agencies tbh. You can put up an ad yourself on gumtree and local netmums (that's where I got my current job). Specify you want someone Ofsted registered, and make sure you see their CRB, first aid cert and call and check their references yourself - that's all an agency will do anyway.

I vote for the childminder option, we've been very lucky with our lovely cm. DS has multiple allergies, some severe, he's been with the cm since he was 6 months old and she's learned alongside us as he's been diagnosed with various allergies. He's never missed out on activities and she makes sure all the kids have the same food for the 3 days he's with her so he doesn't feel excluded.

It's only now I'm looking into pre-school that I've realised how lucky we've been. I have always been at pains to point out that we wouldn't hold her personally responsible for any accidents/slip ups, I accept they can happen anywhere especially when attending playgroups etc. I think that has given her the confidence to look after ds really well and we've never had any incidents while he's been in her care.

I know this post is pretty old, but I guess I am seeking hope by asking if your DD have outgrown the severe dairy allergy? My son has recently been diagnosed with severe dairy, egg and sesame peanuts allergy. He reacts with rashes all over his body if he even sits on a public high chair used by other babies. It’s so hard looking after a wriggly boy with so many allergies and wondering how everyone’s coped....
Has anyone taken their severely allergic babies to nursery?
Have they outgrown these allergies or do they stick for longer?
I’m an exhausted mother with no prior experience with allergies....