Want to give up...

[OCB15]

I am drinking a bottle of wine a night, have done for years and dont want to do it anymore. Im fed up with thinking about it and spending money on it.
Does anyone have any tips please? Ive just got the book 'unexpected joy of being sober' and hoping that will help.
Thanks!

Is it secretive drinking, do you live alone? Or do you live with family etc? It would help to have someone on your side, who knows you have a problem that you really want to solve so they can help when you feel a wobble, as you will get that itch and you will he able to do the mental gymnastics to justify a glass. Something will happen in your day to make you feel challenged or inconvenienced and then the thoughts begin. I know this from two of my aunts who are trying to battle evening drinking, one of whom its wine.

Having someone else who knows would be helpful, or even hopefully using this thread as support when you feel the itch come on here and let people know. I'm sure more people will be along soon with better advice than me and perhaps lived experience, but I'd say be proud that you've recognised its a problem first and foremost as so many don't have its the first step to more control over your life!

Hi thanks for your reply.
I live with my daughters aged 23, 20 and 12. I dont want to say anything to them about it, they know I drink.
I could speak to my best friend. She likes a drink too but dont think she drinks s much as me.
Im even thinking about tonight, I dont have anything in and thinking I need to go to the shop but ideally what I would like is a nice dinner and a hot pudding.
I dont eat properly either and tend to have lunch and then snack in evenings.

I was like this. The biggest effector of change for me was that the day I gave up (as opposed to previous attempts) instead of having a mindset of “I’m giving up drinking” I tried to draw a hard line between old me and new me, and had the alternative mindset of “I don’t drink.” It really helped me because I didn’t have the psychological pressure of wondering how long I’ll last this time. There was no reason to wonder, when the decision is that I will never drink again, ever.

Something else that really helped was writing down how awful I feel and all the reasons I wanted to give up drinking, with the date on the page. Sometimes I read it now and can’t believe how bad things were, and think how lucky I am that I broke through.

Another great read is “The Sober Diaries” by Clare Pooley, as well as “Glorious Rock Bottom” by Bryony Gordon.

Podcast-wise I recommend searching the Naked Life Stories within the This Naked Life podcast. I like these because it’s just people speaking without interruption about how much they used to drink and why they decided to give up.

Good luck, it’s the best thing I ever did.

I was/am a big beer drinker. Stated Mounjaro and haven’t felt like or had a drop of booze since. My entire interest and desire vanished. Just an idea.

I did that last year, lost 2 stone just over, feel so much better but it didnt put me off wine unfortunately.

These are good tips. I did similar and it has stuck. It's nice having a bath or doing your nails in the evenings,I also enjoy adult colouring. Keeps my hand busy. I read about sobriety too .
Have your why. A big motivation for me has been wanting to show my kids that you don't have to drink to enjoy yourself. I was brought up to feel that drink was central to a good life and it's a big motivator to me to show my kids a different, healthier way. I can revert back to my why when I get nostalgic for booze.
It sounds like you've lost an inspiring amount of weight, so really shows you can make big changes, not drinking is just another one. Good luck with this.

This might be a good place to start and get some support.

https://www.changegrowlive.org

Hey! I'm in a similar place, with don't you join us on the sober for October thread? I also joined the sober girl society and do some of their online stuff and am in the what's app groups. I also have an AF Instagram account for myself which I use to surround myself with motivation.
Find some AF drinks you like - dont bother with reds and take each day as it comes. You've got this!

Tell them. Until you confront your issue and the shame and guilt and get support you aren’t really willing to give up. Hiding it is an attempt to give yourself an ‘out’ so you can return to drinking if you want to.

You need people to hold you accountable and witness you. Otherwise you can always sneak the drink again without losing any face.

Have some alternatives in as well, whether that’s nice soft drinks or AF versions. Wine unfortunately isn’t something they’ve nailed yet from what I’ve heard, but AF beers are almost indistinguishable from the real stuff.

Thank you everyone.
This is how my ideal evening would look. Want to sit down for dinner with my 12yr old (rather than skipping dinner and snacking late) at 6ish. Then have a nice cosy bath, then sit down for the evening and be in bed at 10pm. Big changes I need to make

Big changes are quite challenging, you might want to start with small ones, such as having a look/listen at the podcasts and books. It's fantastic advice as it might get you into the mindset.

Do you really want to make those changes? Do you really want to stop drinking? Or is it more a sense of "I need to stop" because of a vague sense of "I'd rather spend the time and money on something else because it might be better for me". The latter is more abstract than the need to drink which makes it hard to stop if you don't want to.

And it's very much okay to realize that you do not really want to yet, that's how everyone started to stop. Some stop cold turkey but you can try to cut down every week, and spend the money on treating yourself, even if it's just a coffee. Eventually you will get to the point where you'll have those ideal evenings every day. You totally got this and most importantly, be kind to yourself.

Thank you.
Im not sure if I really want to stop.... definately want to cut down so maybe I focus on that first.

Whatever works for you - you know you're fed up with thinking about drinking and bought that book - even if you may not be entirely sold on not drinking at this point, you can focus on what you can do, and cutting down might be one of those things.

Also since you said you're not eating well you might want to look into supplements once you start, vit b, magnesium. All the best.

Moderating can be really challenging in my opinion. Once you've had 2 large glasses the rest of the bottle is very easy to pour for yourself. Setting yourself a realistic short period you won't drink for may help you have a reset and see the benefits being stone cold sober. Could you say you won't drink mon-thurs?

I did a few Dry Januarys. Then only drinking Fri-Sun. Have been trying to completely stop for a couple of years. Finally did my finally 7 weeks ago and stopped.

First four weeks were the hardest, particularly Fri night after work. But, I now state to myself that I am a non-drinker. Plus I'm not getting any younger & realised that alcohol is just poison. There's absolutely no benefits, just (significant) risks. We only get one life.

I've got various alternatives to drink / try instead. I suppose it also depends on your reasons for drinking as to how best to approach this.

Yes I second this - good place to start

I listened to alcohol explained and without meaning to, stopped altogether without a struggle. I can't explain it. It just resonated so much it made me just not want to drink after being a heavier drinker than you.

This. I don’t know anyone who has actually managed to moderate. We’ve all had to stop. Took me years to realise I had to quit and not just bargain with myself - oh I’ll only have 4 drinks a week/ two drinks a night / I’ll only drink beer with water in between / I’ll only drink on a night out. Blah blah blah I never managed it.

Teetotal over a year now and never felt better. I did indeed have dinner at 6, a long bath and am now tucked up in bed.

Just want to encourage you to stop Op My brother drank a bottle of wine per night and then it gradually increased. He didn’t think his kids were impacted but they were . Stopping is not an easy thing to do but it will improve your life and your dc lives immeasurably . Take one day at a time and reward yourself in other ways

Hi @OCB15
I could have written this post almost word for word - feeling so low at the minute - am too drinking a bottle of wine a night (more on weekends) I feel in such a bad head space i need to stop - I'm scared to just stop due to all the awful stories you do read about withdrawal so going to make an effort over the next 4 weeks to cut down gradually - if you would like a support partner I'm here and would be grateful for any advice from anyone too with a plan to cut down

I'm thinking of starting off with buying those small bottles (single serving) and having 1-2 per night then cutting down to 1 then alternate - I'm going out after work to buy some luxury hot chocolate so i can have as my 'last' drink of the night before bed - might through some marshmallows and cream on there too

I already write a journal each day so going to put my thoughts and feelings down in there too - anything else anyone can advise to do??

Go shopping early in the day when your resolve is at it's strongest. Get showered and into pjs early so you can't nip out to the shop in the evening. Download the try dry app to record your units. Ticking off a day alcohol free is very rewarding.

Just wanted to say good luck and stay strong. You can do this!