How to support a SAHM friend visiting who may have an alcohol problem

[curious79]

I am in a tricky position wherein a good friend of old is due to visit from the US and I have been allocated 5 days of that time by our group of friends to be with her. Her husband has pushed her to come over and spend time with good friends as he is really worried she has become alcoholic but is in deep deep denial. Honestly I have noticed she is drunk, slurring her words, every time we video call in evening time. I think he's hoping this trip will magically cure her. In the meantime, she's a SAHM who has for years poured her heart and soul into 3 kids, the final two of which are now close to leaving home. Super bright but purposefully pulled away from a successful career in a relatively engaging and interesting field.

So.... I feel nervous about his expectation but also feel pretty sure that unless she brings this up as an issue, that there being a problem is something I should stay well clear of suggesting. WWYD in this situation and any suggestions for coping, or previous experiences to share? Plans include a weekend in the countryside - our house - and a couple of days Vienna.

That sounds like an utter horror story, OP. There is no way I'd tackle having her for 5 days on your own with support of other friends. Are they also aware that she's an alcoholic? You need to get together with these other friends and make a plan on how to cope with this trip, and fast.

FWIW, my grandfather and 2 uncles were alcoholics. It's not easy dealing with the mood swings, the withdrawal when they haven't had any alcohol..... please don't underestimate how bad this could be.

Do you think she will even manage the travel if she’s inebriated?

It sounds like she is drinking heavily most of the time. If this is the case she could end up horribly unwell with alcohol withdrawal in a country where she has no medical practice. This sounds like the sort of thing that could end up in going very badly wrong. I think you need to have an honest conversation in advance

I don’t think she is that pissed the whole time. It’s more every evening, but functional during the day

Do you have any way to contact her husband and ask him tactfully if there are any steps you could put in place to avoid any stress for her? I honestly would be super careful here, it's a horrid situation but 5 days of someone drinking isn't an easy undertaking.

I dont know what you mean by "I have been allocated 5 days to spend with her"? - this sounds less like meeting up with a beloved old friend and more like you have been assigned to babysit her as if she is an irresponsible toddler. WTF?

If you have been told to babysit her then you need to say no. You cannot police what an adult woman chooses to drink and even if you did, addicts are the craftiest liars in the world so it wont work anyway. She will find a way to get booze whilst all the while pretending to you she is fine.

Also, what on earth is her husband thinking that a few days abroad with her friends is going to "cure" her alcoholism?- bloody hell, this just shows a completely ignorant and frankly dangerously naive view of what alcoholism actually is and why it happens. Someone who is an alcoholic has deep rooted issues which need to be talked about in therapy and supported to recover by professionals. A few days out in the countryside isnt going to suddenly make her well.

You need to decide what the purpose of this trip is. If it's to spend a few days with an old mate then, fine. Do that. But be aware she will probably want to drink/go to the pub at some point if she is in fact, addicted to alcohol. You are going to have to be ok with that because if you arent, this is going to go very badly and expect unpleasant arguments to ensue.

If this is some kind of lay person's "intervention" then call it off. You arent qualified to "fix" this person and its completely inappropriate for him to suggest you can.