I need to break the cycle

[pomegranatescent]

Over the last year or so I’ve slipped into a very bad nightly wine habit.

It started with a glass or two, and now I’m at at least 1.5 bottles. Drinking alone.

I hate how I feel the next day, hate the memory loss, the cringing at conversations I’ve had in my WhatsApp chat that I have no recollection of.

I have been attending online AA meetings and feel great after. Then on day 2… I slip back.

Alcohol brings nothing positive into my life and yet I cannot seem to stop, the clock ticks to 6pm, my kids go to bed and then it’s like something takes over.

Id love to hear some stories from those of you who have successfully broken the cycle, tips and things that helped you in the early days.

Thanks in advance ❤️

My husband is trying in person AA meetings and finding it really helpful, is that an option for you?

Thanks for your reply @Beachbeach- I have attended a few online and have found them helpful. I guess I need to keep at it.
wishing your husband well in his recovery

Hi, your post describes how I was previously. You have my empathy, it’s a hard place to be. Pleased to report however that I am now 951 days sober and it gets much easier the further you go.

i think the previous posters suggestion is a good one - can you get to an in person meeting? Also, how about trying and alcohol free wine or beer to help? I don’t really drink them any more but found them super helpful in the early stages. Also, listen to some podcasts about being alcohol free, or read some ‘quit lit’. The Sober Diaries was so helpful to me, when I read it I couldn’t believe how similar a lot of our stories are.

I'm a former AA member with 32 years of sobriety.

The in-person meetings are really more effective because much of the benefit of AA is the relationships that you form with people who can help you, along with learning how to enjoy life without alcohol. We are social creatures, and those relationships help keep us committed to the program. I don't think you develop those relationships in the same way online.

If you've only attended a few meetings, you have just barely begun. Have you also read the Big Book? Do you have a sponsor? If not, you're just sticking your toe in rather than committing to the program.

Finally, see your GP. Addiction is a disease, and there are treatments that can help. Your drinking has changed your brain chemistry. That's why it's so hard to stop.

Molecular basis of alcoholism

Your doctor won't think less of you. Quite the opposite, he or she will admire the fact that you're being honest about it and seeking help.

Good luck, and feel free to ask me anything you like.

Thankyou so much for your replies

I will stock up on some alcohol free beers, not that beer is ever my drink of choice, I do like the taste. I remember trying AF wine when I was pregnant (long before I had any issues with drinking) and hated the taste, too sweet. Unless you have any recommendations??

re attending meetings in person, it’s quite tricky as I am “time poor”. Work full time and I am a single Mum to young children so getting time to myself is difficult, and probably why this nasty habit has creeped in and taken over.

@MissConductUSI haven’t read the big book, but will download it now. I would love a sponsor but don’t know how to go about getting one, although it does get mentioned in the online meetings I don’t know how you actually ask for one.

I actually purchased some naltrexone online through a private pharmacy, only taken it once or twice though. I am terrified to talk to my GP, scared it might trigger a social services referral because of my children, even though they are always well taken care of and doing great, it’s just their Mum who is falling apart 😔

Could you manage one in-person meeting a week? You can belong to more than one group and continue to do the online meetings as well.

The way you get a sponsor is to ask someone you like in your group to sponsor you. One nice thing about the in-person meetings is that there is socializing before and after the meeting, with coffee, tea, and snacks. That's when you can introduce yourself to other members and see who you are comfortable with as your potential sponsor. When I was in AA, there were no online meetings, so I'm not sure how it's done now or if there is any informal socializing.

I'm an American, so I don't know how GP referrals to social services work in the UK, but it seems to me that if your kids are well cared for and you're seeking treatment, the referral would be jumping the gun. Ask others in your online meeting, but I don't think it's a big risk.

I'm surprised you were able to get naltrexone directly from a pharmacy. It's very tightly controlled here. You need to take it consistently for it to be effective. Why did you only take it once or twice?