Supporting a young adult child with alcohol dependency at home

[SimulationSwarm]

Do any of you have a young adult child you’re supporting?
my YA is back from uni and for the first time has asked for help.
after at least two years of daily drinking- sometimes up to three bottles of wine, they are engaging with addiction support and we are tapering at home.

it’s exhausting and draining to be the parent supporting this.

Are there any others here?
I know there is the thread for people affected by other’s drinking but it’s mainly partners and this is my YA and I feel it’s different x

Thank you so much for your posts.
they echo with me- especially the one where you’ve done days and days of good work and it’s not all messed up by one lapse.
that feels more comforting than the ‘back at square one’ narrative.

ny youngster doesn’t leave the house at the moment and is trying to do some retakes so life is a bit limited. They do play a musical instrument and this is a bit of solace

OP. I have a DS25 who has just started Naltrexone. It is a drug you take one hour before drinking alcohol. Every. Single. Time. The drug blocks the opioid receptors and conditions your brain to ‘unlearn’ its alcohol addiction.
It can take months but has an 80% success rate (AA has 5-10%).
my ds was not ready for total abstinence. Using Naltrexone allows him to still drink, knowing that each time he does, moves him that much closer to what’s called’extinction’
If you think it may help your ds, look up The Sinclair Method (TSM) and see what you think.

Btw GP’s rarely prescribe it. You have to get it privately.

This is the total opposite of how Naltrexone works

SMART Recovery have a Friends & Family programme with resources, online meetings etc- it may be helpful to you. I’m sorry you are in this very difficult situation.

i find the support meetings too much for this charity.
i get traumatised by other people’s stories- it’s just too much I’m afraid!
I do have a much smaller group that I can cope with so I’m not totally alone

It really isn’t, look up the BNF guidelines, the NICE Guidelines, and speak to an addiction psychiatrist. I’ve been on it, been on detoxes, and been in rehab, I’m not just some random person making things up for the fun of it.

@Trumptontown , naltrexone is used in two different ways for alcohol addiction . The Sinclair method which some people are talking about on here is taking naltrexone while drinking as it takes away any reward you get from drinking with the aim of gradually reducing your inclination to drink. It can also be prescribed after detox as you have said to reduce the risk of relapse. Naltrexone for the Sinclair method is prescribed privately via a few organisations in the UK including Rethink Drink who my son used

I’m aware, but not on the NHS, and the pp said “this is the total opposite to how Naltrexone is used”.

@Trumptontown but you stated that it is meant to be prescribed after detox not during and although the Sinclair method is not currently endorsed by the NHS in the UK it is available via public health systems in other European countries

I was talking about within the context of the NHS, not privately.

We are still finding it hard.
the taper at home is happening but as the amount we supply gets smaller, my YP finds a way to drink something else eg mirin, Chinese cooking wine, - or if we go out, they will nip to the office with money they’ve found down the back of the sofa etc.
weve been to doctors either help for sleep, the addiction charity meets every 4-5 weeks and my yp won’t attend groups
They can’t sleep, and are bored.

So, now they have been sober for 7 days and it’s going well on the surface.
They haven’t had an opportunity to get any alcohol but there seems to be a calmness and acceptance and they are sleeping a lot better.
everything feels more chilled.

They are due to go back to university today and we will take them later.
This is going to be a huge test of their resolve here.
And it is soo nerve wracking for us at home.

The professional input has been minimal and I know they will need a lot of support to manage themself and we can only hope they can do it.
They are 23 and so young to be going through this.

I know you said the al-anon meetings were too difficult for you, but has your child tried AA. They might think they are too young but trust me, they aren’t. NA (narcotics anonymous) is also an option- generally a younger demographic, and in my experience generally welcoming people of any addiction.

if your child seems to think they aren’t ‘bad’ enough, and haven’t lost family, or marriages etc.. we have this saying in NA. The only thing active addiction ends up in is ‘jails, institutions or death’. Hang around active addiction long enough and the ‘not yets’ at 23yo will seems more realistic…I’m not trying to scaremonger you or your child, but just offering the experience I have had

Thanks you for this.
Theyve been to a couple of SMART meetings online and an AA face to face.

They didn’t warm to the AA approach of the spirituality and found it a bit too much.
The SMART meetings were better but a bit long and my youngster was a bit overwhelmed by the stories people told, They found the discussions around suicide ideation and attempts hard. And it’s odd but they also said they found it hard to talk about alcohol for that period of time and not crave it. They found it increased their restlessness to be talking about it.
But they did find the exercises and information helpful.
They know where and when the local SMART meeting is near campus and say they will go along if they feel they need to. or go to an online session.

I have heard that NA is a younger crowd so that might be something to look into. My youngster is non binary so they went to an LGBTQ+ AA meeting that was basically a bunch of middle aged lesbians who loved my kid!

I am just so frightened for them.
We’ve all worked so hard together over the summer to get them to this point.
But it feels very fragile and not embedded and recovery needs better support I think.

I went to some SMART family and friends meetings and found the stories overwhelming too, though I enjoy chatting with the clients at the addiction charity they attend. There have been some fab characters coming in and chatting whilst waiting for an appointment, or just dropping in to say hello to the workers there.

My youngster is quite sheltered and introverted and gets overwhelmed by a lot of full on people. On the other hand, fade to face, I can listen and support others.
But there was a bereavement in one of my groups initially and I found that too much. As you say, it felt like an inevitability that my child would end up in more of a mess.
They are quiet and drink as part of a self medication from depression, anxiety and probably neurodivergence - and to get to sleep. The alcohol used to quieten the noise inside and outside of their head.

Hi,
I just wanted to add that local alcohol/addiction services eg Turning Point have family support too. It’s genuinely a huge support for many parents in exactly your situation - engaging with others can help you see what might help and can help you feel less isolated. It must be incredibly tough for you as a parent .

Have you explored, or have they explored, why they are drinking so much? It’s so young to be so addicted. I guess I’m asking is there is a way to tackle the situation that is therapy, counselling, mental health treatment based. Are they / have they been receiving treatment for the depression and anxiety? Have they been diagnosed with neurodivergence?

is going back to uni a good idea at this stage? Have they / you been in touch with the student welfare services at all?

“Is going back to uni a good idea at this stage?”

This is the first thing that jumped out at me. 7 days sober and back to uni sounds like an almost insurmountable challenge. He hope he can do it OP but the chances are he is not ready for that environment.