Alcohol has destroyed me

[startingover202]

I have ruined my relationship, my family and my health through drinking wine every day.
I am on day 3 of not drinking. I've had anxiety and shaking and my sleeping is bad but I'm determined not to drink.
I was shaking and anxious everyday after a drink as well as constant diarrhoea so I have to ride this out.
I'm slightly better today so hoping tomorrow will be better.
Has anyone else had withdrawal symptoms?
Alcohol services kept telling me not to completely stop but that wasn't helping.

I know you'll keep trying and not give up. You can do it.

These physical symptoms will subside after a week or so, but mental sobriety takes far longer to accomplish - but it’s worth it.

I too was worried about missing alcohol on nights out, days out, meals out, holidays etc as I couldn’t imagine enjoying them without alcohol. However, I’m still enjoying them as much as before, if not more, alcohol free. In fact I feel happy and free as I don’t have to worry about where I’ll get the next drink from! And no hangovers or worrying about what I’ve said - win win! I’m only 6 1/2 months in (last alcohol was at Christmas) but do happy with how it’s working out and not at all how I’d imagined.

You are mistakenly giving alcohol undue credit for how much you enjoyed those times.

It wasn’t the alcohol that made them special, it was the friends, the chance to sit and chat, the holiday vibe, whatever. Not the alcohol.

I actually enjoy occasions more now that I don’t drink alcohol. I am fully engaged in the moment, rather than thinking about how much I am drinking, how fast is everyone else drinking, are we going to order another bottle soon, am I going to feel like shit tomorrow? Am I annoying people by talking garbage because I’m drunk.

All that anxiety disappears and you are left with all the lovely parts.

Really struggling tonight.
I desperately want a drink.

No you don’t.

Go and brush your teeth quickly.

Then jump into the shower and have an early night

I'm not drinking. I'm in my pjs. So tired I just want my mind to shut off and sleep.
I did drink yesterday which is why I feel so awful. My anxiety is through the roof.

Ah, OK.

You don’t have to think about it now, but tomorrow reflect and think about why you drank when you didn’t really want to.

For now, have a hot choc or something like that and have a really early night. Think what a treat that is, and how you will get up tomorrow feeling refreshed and energetic.

Do you have any Nytol? I would take some if you are worried that you won’t sleep.

Have you been to an AA meeting or logged onto an online one yet?

Morning @startingover202 how are you doing?

I wanted to reassure you that stopping drinking isn’t a linear process. Even acknowledging you have a problem is a hugely positive step. You’ve had a few days off which is big progress.

There is a reason you drink and tackling that is key. It will stir up all sorts of uncomfortable feelings and memories but it does get easier. Read some quit lit and podcasts. AA seems a godsend for some so maybe worth trying.

Treat yourself a bit like an invalid. Nice food, soft drinks, a few treats etc… don’t be hard on yourself.

Keep posting. There’s plenty support here.

You will better when you do

I'm also in AA - coming up to 6 years sober!!! In that time I have gone from a hopeless drunk having to live with my little sister and her husband because I could t afford my own place, with a dead end job and a conveyor belt of unhealthy and failed relationships, to happily married, good job and a baby. A life beyond my wildest dreams!!

If you are sick of your life then the best thing you could do for yourself would be to try an AA meeting. Getting off your bum and going to one meeting doesn't mean you have to sign up and commit to going forever or sell your soul to the devil or something - what do you have to lose? There's a million excuses not to go to an AA meeting and none of them are valid until you've tried it.

Having family to support you has got nothing to do with it - non alcoholic family members simply cannot help you how you need helping. And it shouldn't be their responsibility either quite frankly. It's good you have a supportive family but they are not a replacement for the help you would get in AA ☺️ you've experienced the lack of real help through nhs /alcohol services.. well AA is free, available 24/7 and literally FULL of people who can relate to you and who will go out of their way to help you, if you actually do want to quit drinking.

On day 2 again.
I didn't make the meeting tonight as I only had about 3 hours sleep and a long day at work. I was too tired to leave the house but at least that meant no wine.
I definitely want to go to AA as I feel I've managed 10 sober nights in 14 so could do a lot better with the added support.
They have not called me yet so I will phone them again after work tomorrow.
I have a phone call from alcohol services on Wednesday. It's a new support worker, hopefully better than the last.
And thank you everyone who's taken the time to reply. It really means a lot and I don't feel so alone.

That all sounds like great progress - well done!

There are loads of online as well as in person meetings. Online can be a good way to see what the score is, although personally, I think in person is best at first as sharing issues with people face to face is really effective. It’s great you’ve called them, but you can also just find a meeting on their site and turn up. They typically even have someone whose role it is at meetings to welcome newcomers and help them feel comfortable.

@GodessOfThunder
Thank you.
I also prefer face to face. My meetings with the alcohol services are a 15 minute phone calls in which I keep getting told not to stop completely.
I can't moderate or cut back. Once I start I don't stop so I find it easier not to have that first glass.

I totally understand - been there.

Here’s where you can find your nearest meeting:

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/AA-Meetings/Find-a-Meeting/

@GracePalmer33
I do need the meeting for support. I don't want to lean on my family it's so unfair.

@redfacebigdisgrace
I know exactly why I'm drinking now. It's to bury the pain I feel, but I think the drink keeps me in the cycle of pain because I'm not dealing with it. I'm just hiding it in an alcoholic stuper.
Before I used to drink to excess to have a good time, never wanted the night to end. Really though I had a problem then as often the night would turn bad or I'd behave like an idiot or I would often have blanks and feel anxious the next day.

Can I be honest
NHS alcohol services are useless
If you are managing days of sobriety so you are not in the risk category of having seizures.
Telling you to continue drinking is ridiculous. You can stop its staying stopped is the problem.

It's good your family are supportive but what skills and tools do they have to help an alcoholic identify problems in their thinking and behaviour patterns?
None.
AA has the skills to do this
If you really want this it's within your reach. The phoneline is open 24 hours a day, online meetings run 24 hours a day.
You have acknowledged that you can't moderate. You are an alcoholic as I am too but I'm in recovery I got on a meeting and changed my life.

I don't miss alcohol, I don't miss the feelings you have at the moment, despair, self pity, denial, regret etc.
My life is 1 million times better without it and yours can be too.
YOU need to do this before it's too late

Please read the unexpected joy of being sober it worked for myself and 5 others in my circle. free from booze 2 years no anxiety no regrets more energy no shame

@Name99
You are 100% right.
My family are supportive as they see I have a problem and I'm desperately trying to put it right. Support such as call after work for a chat as a distraction not to go in that shop on the way home.
But I definitely need proper help. You are right as in the alcohol services are not that good. A phone call every 3 weeks gives me 3 weeks of drinking in between.
They told me not to stop as I have signs of physical withdrawal such as the shakes but I don't think I'm at risk of seizures as I don't drink all day.
Just 2 or 3 hours in the evening.
It just got to this level when I stopped eating. Before a bottle of wine was no problem when I ate.
I suppose I've always been a problem drinker but doing it on an empty stomach has ruined my physical and mental health.

A bottle of wine a night is and was always a problem the empty stomach makes no difference at all.
You have a problem with alcohol it's that simple.
You say your desperately trying to put it right but you need to take control of it now.
You've concluded that alcohol services aren't working for you, it didn't work for me either, biggest waste of time ever for me. It was a half arsed attempt at stopping drinking, got my worried family off my back for a while and i got to carry on drinking as I was before
AA worked for me, if you really want this you will go to any lengths to take control of it.
Get on a meeting online if getting to a meeting is hard at the moment.

Hi you can join aa on zoom USA zoom meeting 292 371 2604 anyone can join and there is a meeting on 24/7

And I'm sorry you've not had a callback, that is not the usual for AA
Where in the UK are you roughly?

I will definitely go to a meeting.
I really really want this to stop. I don't think I can do it on my own.
Actually I can't do it on my own. I am serious, just terrified. But I think I'm more terrified if I carry on.

The messages here are helping me not drink. People who have been there and understand and have stopped.