Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Alcohol support

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Alcohol has destroyed me

244 replies

startingover202 · 04/07/2023 19:54

I have ruined my relationship, my family and my health through drinking wine every day.
I am on day 3 of not drinking. I've had anxiety and shaking and my sleeping is bad but I'm determined not to drink.
I was shaking and anxious everyday after a drink as well as constant diarrhoea so I have to ride this out.
I'm slightly better today so hoping tomorrow will be better.
Has anyone else had withdrawal symptoms?
Alcohol services kept telling me not to completely stop but that wasn't helping.

OP posts:
rockingbird · 27/07/2023 23:18

What you blocking out with alcohol? I did the same.. I left my husband and the toxic relationship (he also drinks a lot of wine daily)! It had to happen, so much hurt and the wine was numbing it. Once I broke the cycle it all changed. You can do this to, you've just got to take that first step - hard I know but only you can do that.

ChocolateyCrunch · 27/07/2023 23:51

startingover202 · 27/07/2023 22:16

I think I'll only stop drinking when I resolve the reason why.

But I can't resolve it so carry on drinking.

I feel trapped caught in a viscous cycle.

AA won't solve the problem of why I drink.

Not sure how to do that. If anyone has any suggestions it would help.

OP, I know we are all different, so my story may be meaningless to you, in your story, however, I found myself in my middle years in a 10 year abusive relationship which led me to drink to numb it. It caused flashbacks to abuse in my childhood which didn't help, and I thought that a divorce and a new life in Safety elsewhere, would automatically remove my needs to drink but sadly it didn't. For me, it has become such a crutch and habit forming that it was still very hard to stop. I've begun to think I can't imagine life without it. (how did I cope before I started even drinking?).
I suppose what I'm trying to say is, maybe your change of circumstance alters you'll need to drink, but it also may be that it would make no difference at all and you just need to crack on and address your need to drink, if that's what you want to do at this time.

People say that you have to hit rock bottom before you finally want to give up fully, and I hadn't got there to rock bottom, but I didn't want to either so took the warning very seriously.

FusionChefGeoff · 27/07/2023 23:58

Some people have the most terrible life situations but don't drink.

AA absolutely goes to the root of the drinking - there are some meetings where alcohol is hardly mentioned!

But until you go to one, you won't know.

There is plenty of help if you actually want to stop but something in your sub conscience is sabotaging you.

keffie12 · 28/07/2023 00:06

Name99 · 27/07/2023 22:38

AA will solve the problem of why you do drink. It did for me and thousands of other people.
You're not the special one a million alcoholic that has different underlying reasons to drink that AA cant help.
Alcohol is your solution.
You use alcohol to change how you feel and cope with life.
Bog standard garden variety alcoholic.
If you really wanted to stop you would try anything.
AA can help

This above is correct. @stastartingover202, what this user has said is spot on. I'm afraid you're using excuses as you really don't want to stop drinking.

No one in the Fellowship, including me, is judging you. We all came into recovery for the same reason. Drink was costing us more than money.

I was told, "I have a thousand reasons to drink, but not one good reason," and that is very accurate.

I also learnt early on that "I thought conditions drove me to drink. I didn't realise I had to change me to meet conditions. Hence, I became alcoholic"

That statement hit me. I had to realise as we all do. "The common denominater in my life was me, in everything. What was my part, even if what had happened wasn't down to me.

My part is how I react to things. I can give you the "sob" story of my life. However, I realised that being a victim and having self-pity parties was hurting me and my loved ones.

I guess we have all tried to support you. Only you can make that decision. It doesn't sound like you want to. I hope you do.

Everyone stops drinking someday. Some have to reach their coffins to do so. Harsh yet true. They aren't my facts. They are the facts I see every day in the Fellowship. I've seen too many die by committing suicide by instalments with this illness

I hope you make it to the rooms

keffie12 · 28/07/2023 00:10

The third paragraph down should say, "A thousand excuses to drink but not one good reason"

Original poster
startingover202 · 28/07/2023 05:30

I have many reasons to stop.

I have good things in my life but nothing brings me joy anymore.

OP posts:
GodessOfThunder · 28/07/2023 06:31

startingover202 · 28/07/2023 05:30

I have many reasons to stop.

I have good things in my life but nothing brings me joy anymore.

Have you also considered you might be depressed and sought treatment for this?

Us3rname · 28/07/2023 06:41

Please go to a meeting!

The way I look at it: even if you have concerns that AA won't do this or that, why don't you try to use it to help yourself?

Your own resources seem to have got you into a horrible dead end and your local alcohol services don't seem to help.

Why don't you try drawing on the resources that AA members use to stay sober?

I recognise a lot of what you write and my guess, like many others who have commented, is that you could get a lot out of the AA program.

Original poster
startingover202 · 28/07/2023 06:55

There is a meeting Tuesday. That is my next day off.

I do want help. I'm scared.

I am depressed. I just think AA will address the alcohol not the underlying depression.

I've been to the GP and was given anti depressants but they made me so unwell I could not function or go to work.

It's so hard to get help. All I've been offered is pointless phone calls.

OP posts:
Us3rname · 28/07/2023 07:14

AA is very much not just about alcohol, it is about fundamental shifts in perspective.

It was started due to a recognition that alcoholics who got sober tended to have fundamental shifts in how they saw the world.

But the problem was these shifts only rarely happen by chance.

So the program of steps is designed to create a shift in how you see yourself and your circumstances.

I was very depressed, now I still need mental health support from psychiatrist etc but it is much much easier with AA's help. Like night and day.

AA will allow you to look at your fears, give you a place to talk about your issues, and it gave me a sense of no longer being alone with my depression.

Anythingbutsnow · 28/07/2023 07:18

If you are as desperate to stop drinking as I was, then you'll get yourself to an AA meeting. Perhaps you are not at that place yet.

GodessOfThunder · 28/07/2023 07:44

startingover202 · 28/07/2023 06:55

There is a meeting Tuesday. That is my next day off.

I do want help. I'm scared.

I am depressed. I just think AA will address the alcohol not the underlying depression.

I've been to the GP and was given anti depressants but they made me so unwell I could not function or go to work.

It's so hard to get help. All I've been offered is pointless phone calls.

There are different types of anti depressants. I would go back to the doc, explain the issue snd they may well try you on a different kind.

Andante57 · 28/07/2023 10:45

If you are as desperate to stop drinking as I was, then you'll get yourself to an AA meeting. Perhaps you are not at that place yet.

Op I agree with this. Posters have taken time out to try to help you but for every bit of advice given you have a reason why it won’t work. Do you actually want to stop drinking?

blahblahblah1654 · 28/07/2023 11:03

In London (which I think you said you live) there's meetings every day. I live on the outskirts and there's several within a few mile radio is all week. Best seize the moment than keep putting it off.

GiddyGladys · 28/07/2023 12:46

Tuesday seems a long way off. If you're serious about wanting to stop, go as soon as you can. You might want what they have.

GiddyGladys · 28/07/2023 12:48

startingover202 · 28/07/2023 06:55

There is a meeting Tuesday. That is my next day off.

I do want help. I'm scared.

I am depressed. I just think AA will address the alcohol not the underlying depression.

I've been to the GP and was given anti depressants but they made me so unwell I could not function or go to work.

It's so hard to get help. All I've been offered is pointless phone calls.

I mean this kindly, but It's not hard to get help, but you need to help yourself. None of us can get you to a meeting. You've got to be brave and take that step.

No one will come and do it for you.

redfacebigdisgrace · 28/07/2023 13:18

Your language is very passive OP. This change needs to come from you. It’s normal to have a few false starts but you’re the only one that has the power to change.

Wishing you the very best of luck.

Name99 · 28/07/2023 13:54

startingover202 · 28/07/2023 06:55

There is a meeting Tuesday. That is my next day off.

I do want help. I'm scared.

I am depressed. I just think AA will address the alcohol not the underlying depression.

I've been to the GP and was given anti depressants but they made me so unwell I could not function or go to work.

It's so hard to get help. All I've been offered is pointless phone calls.

The antidepressants won't work whilst your drinking.
And it's easy to get help, get to a meeting but no one is going to do it for you.

You have to help yourself there's no magic wand a therapist, Dr, NHS or AA can wave, nobody is going to do it for you.
If you want this you need to stop wallowing and making excuses.
If you don't want it, continue with what your doing, its not going to get magically better though, it's a downward spiral.
Help is out there if you really want it

Prettyvase · 28/07/2023 14:51

Op it's pretty clear your mind associates drinking with all the best experiences you have had in life and that is why you want to be able to carry on drinking by your own terms.

Unfortunately your body has a very different story to tell and is wiped out by this constant mind bashing against a brick wall.

There is a beautiful life out there if you give your body a chance to recover and put your negative mindset in a box and keep it there.

Original poster
startingover202 · 28/07/2023 15:00

It used to be the best times.

Now it's the worst.

OP posts:
andjustlikethat1 · 28/07/2023 15:11

Would you like to talk more about the root cause of this problem? is it a person, is it financial, is it a health issue, as I am sure we could give a bit more help towards your situation

Anythingbutsnow · 28/07/2023 16:14

I think you are starting to feel very sorry for yourself and you will need to start taking some actions if you want to get out of your misery. Its sounds harsh but it's what I needed to hear when I was in your position.

redfacebigdisgrace · 28/07/2023 16:53

You’re starting wallow now. Only you can do this.

keffie12 · 28/07/2023 19:12

GodessOfThunder · 28/07/2023 06:31

Have you also considered you might be depressed and sought treatment for this?

Show quote history

Alcohol is a depressant, so unless the OP stops drinking, nothing is going to change