On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

Well, day 1 ✅.
It's not been too bad really.
Healthy eating not brilliant, but not bad. I don't mind some chocolate if I'm staying away from the wine.

@Manyrivers @texy , hope you both managed day 1 of 5, but if you didn't, just try again tomorrow.

Plan tomorrow : Zumba, af and try to eat a bit healthier !!

Oh @texy , I was out walking earlier and thinking about the 2 glass approach, then stopping ( Adrian Chiles).
I can do that, sometimes.
When I go out with my dh, I'll have a glass of wine whilst perusing the menu, a glass with my meal, then I stop. ( It's probably not really what you meant, but I never drink after I've eaten, no desire. So, something for me to think about and maybe practice a bit more).
So, thanks.

Hi everyone. Newbie here.
I am drinking far too much, bottle of wine a night, sometimes more and I feel so ashamed. My evenings are boring, im a single parent. My work is stressful.
My anxiety has been so bad recently it's been making me feel dreadful.
I went for a lovely walk earlier and did some yoga.
I so badly want to give my body a rest from alcohol. Im currently reading 'The unexpected joy of being sober'
xx

Day 1 ✅ not been too tricky but I have eaten loads of chocolate today. I really need to cut that right back too if I want to actually lose any weight at all!

@Amdone123 The 2 glass thing has actually felt doable for me recently. What Adrian Chiles says about the first 2 being the only drinks with any 'benefit' I realised was definitely true for me; everything after that just has negatives - and the increased hangover. If I can crack that, it might mean I don't have to give up completely which I don't really want to do.

Welcome @Owlyhedgehog - trite as it sounds, taking it one day at a time really does help. And positive self-care things like you're doing really helps to change your mindset that you are something to cherish and nourish not to numb out. Keep on keeping on.

Good plans for tomorrow @Amdone123 I really need to start some proper exercise too but just recovering from a back injury so that's been my excuse for the last couple of months. It will run out soon though!

Onwards to tomorrow!

@Owlyhedgehog , hi and welcome. Hope you can get a day 1 ✅ today. It's so hard, I know once the 1 bottle a night becomes a habit. It's hard to get off the treadmill.
One thing I've found though, is that the more af days I have, the easier it becomes.
Once those benefits appear, it does get easier.
Let us all know your plans, we'll help ❤️

@texy , the thing about the 2 drinks though - which by the way, I think is an inspired idea - is that it is difficult to stop I should imagine when you're on a roll. Hope that makes sense - just woke up.
I can't imagine doing it when I'm out with my sister for example, but I guess that's the point.

Well done on Day 1. I feel better mentally after 1 day af. Much better than how I've felt recently, which was, quite frankly, depressed.

Evening, folks, how are we all doing ?
Day 2 ✅.
Though I nearly caved. I went to the atm and was pretty shocked to see my balance ( compare this to my af periods when it's much healthier!). I know I've spent too much on wine, eating out and hangover junk food !
And I'm unemployed 🤣

Anyway, I gave my head a wobble, went to zumba and I'm on track.
I've eaten much healthier and actually feel pretty good.

Not doing great people. Every morning I say why the hell did I drink and then every evening it's back to square one?

So glad you didn't cave @Amdone123 the bank balance helped and well done for Zumba!

@Determineddoris , thanks. It would actually be great if I couldn't afford to drink !
Are you on holiday ?
Maybe just keep trying - I know where you're coming from. I'm sure once you get off the treadmill, you can get a few af days done. It will get better.

Thank you @Amdone123 appreciate as always your support. It means a lot. We are back and kids went back today but I've had so much stress after the 'holiday' with my child with possible ASD my mind is 100000 miles a minute and the only way to switch it right off is drink! I think if it wasn't in the house I definitely wouldn't drink I wouldn't go out of my way to buy it or anything . We are also trying to be firmed with my son but it's so so hard and I'm crying a lot and thinking I'm a bad mum etc so yet again booze 'helps' but I know deep down it doesn't. I know I'm not alone. But you are right about getting on the treadmill to begin with. ..also a friend wants to go out Friday night and she thinks I'm fending her off as I keep saying no but I just don't want to go out and get drunk!

Evening Folks,

Not had a drink since Saturday. Yesterday evening went out to eat and had a cola , (usually a perfect excuse for me to start on the wine). Tonight after a stressful day had a takeaway but no wine. (Those 2 are usually perfect partners for me). Happy with those 2 victorys so far.

@Determineddoris hang on in there, your doing the best you can.

Hope everyone else is good.

Hi all,

Day 2 ✅ but still eating shite. Did well all day food wise but have eaten crisps and two cookies this evening wtf. I've ignored the open bottle of wine in the fridge though so still feeling slightly proud.

@Determineddoris that all sounds really stressful, I'm not surprised that not having a drink in the evening feels like a bridge too far at the moment. My friend and I would say we're putting that in the "too hard pile" for now, and I've definitely been through phases like that. All your brain, will and emotional powers are being sapped by other things so there's nothing left by teatime. Maybe instead of trying to reduce the alcohol in an evening at the moment, you add in one extra thing that's nourishing for you - a bath, a walk, a scream into a pillow... Sitting in the car with your music on loud for 10 mins etc. That way you can still have a drink if you like but you've also done something positive just for you which might help to restore something that life is taking from you atm. Just a thought.

@Amdone123 the 2 drink limit plan is impossible with certain groups of my friends or family. When I've encountered those situations I've either abstained completely (which in fairness has been completely fine) or accept I'm going to be drinking loads, I've not even tried to moderate. Maybe that's the next challenge but that feels quite hard still!!!

@Manyrivers well done for breaking the association of take away and alcohol. I find alcohol with food one of my biggest temptations so breaking that habit is really big.

@texy , yay, that's great.
I had to laugh at your crisps and 2 cookies binge - you sound like me ! I say to my sister, I've eaten rubbish today. When we 'unpick' it, it's a packet of crisps and a bar of chocolate. My sister says, Now listen to what I'VE had....🤣
@Manyrivers ,you're doing really well. I thought you sounded pretty determined in a recent post. I could hear it.

Day 3 tomorrow to conquer and I think it'll be ok.
Have to say, the depression has lifted.
( Insomnia still here, but I can cope with that).

Good evening all. I hope everyone is ok. I’m on day 3, completed without too much trouble even though we’re up to our necks in GCSE trauma! I’m going out with a friend tomorrow and I will have a drink but I’ve checked the menu ahead so can have a really healthy meal and will try to stick to G&T which is better for my weight and less likely to over indulge. It’s just that I love red wine! But I’ll try to hold on to how good I’ll feel if I don’t have a hangover on Thursday and how annoyed with myself I’ll be if I’ve drunk 1000s of calories.

good luck and best wishes to all, however it’s going. If things are a bit crappy at the moment no one here will judge you. We’ve all been there many times before.

@Bigbus , well done on Day 3. Looking ahead at the menu is a great move, I often do it !
I hear you regarding the g n t - I'm much better on those kind of drinks.
And yes, think of the dreaded Hangover.

Hello all,

I've just had my confirmation of an addiction support appointment in 3 weeks, because doing this on my own just means I keep drinking.

I've ordered the Alcohol Explained book because I definitely prefer a science based approach.

One of the reasons I finally hit "this must change" was realising if I described myself on Mumsnet, the entire site would be united in telling my husband to leave me. I thuink I'm a good person and a loving person, but my alcohol dependence makes a travesty of that.

So I hope to be joining you on these regular threads as I tackle my addiction.

Well done to those of you resisting - especially when you ordered a takeaway!!

@JulieHoney , wow, well done on taking that step. That took a lot of strength.
It's great to have you on board. ❤️

Thanks!

I really don’t understand all
the people who say how great they feel when they don’t drink, and how well they sleep.

I sleep like the dead when I’m drunk (which is always) and the alcohol dulls my joint pain. A sober life looks intimidatingly like a life of pain and insomnia to me.

But my family matters more, so I am taking the leap.

@Manyrivers that's so amazing what you have achieved cola and take away with no wine! You should be proud.
@texy thank you so so much for your kind words of support. My self care was basically downing a bottle of wine literally I'd sit there drinking even tho I don't like the taste I'd drink warm white wine it's disgusting. Well done for your clocked up days! Really amazing. I also hear you about the two drink thing not happening with certain friends. I've declined 2 invites for tomorrow evening and Fri evening (they hate me but I am doing all of this for me and my priorities are completely different now I feel) not sure about Saturday but if it's a meal I can drive there but they're all expecting me to get drunk and be the life and soul of the party I hate it I hate myself. I didn't sleep at all last night and got engrossed in some Instagram community of sober mums it really resonated with me. One talked about the neural pathway thinking at 5pm is the drink we need to take away the stress but we need to un Raval that pathway back to normal I don't know I'm going to try everything I can but I've really come to the conclusion I can't moderate. It's killing me. My son was being abusive again but I managed to calm him down and waiting for GP appt but it would have definitely been worse had I been drinking so it's day one for me and I am taking each day at a time I have to.
@Bigbus huge well done on day 3 brilliant achievement! Pat on the back!
@JulieHoney hello and welcome to the best thread I've come across in years . I also knock out with alcohol and it numbs my mental pain so I feel you and what you are saying well done on the addiction support may I ask how you got it was it Google and local support groups or via GP?
@Mj20 always thinking of you hope you are ok.

@Determineddoris - I looked online via the NHS and looked up addiction support in my area. It took 4 weeks to hear back - they are overstretched - but my first appointment in 26th June.

Someone on this board recommended the Alcohol Explained book and website. I ordered the book today and I’m toying with buying the 2-month online workshop. It describes itself as something to do before you have quit (although if you’re already abstaining, not to go back to alcohol!). It’s to help you understand what is happening and why, put you into a mindset to be able to walk away.

Thanks @JulieHoney for the info. I have that book on my kindle for few years now yet to get past I think first chapter. I will try again. I tried Annie grace didn't get very far. I feel like I've tried everything even AA few years back. There are some amazing sober coaches but it's a lot of money that I can't do right now in my life.

It's so good to read everyone's efforts. We are all just trying to level up in life and be the best we can be. Great we have a supportive forum for the highs and the lows of this journey!

@JulieHoney that's really inspiring to hear you've taken that first step, I'd love you to share with us what that support looks like if your comfortable. @Determineddoris a lot of what you say resonates with me. I to have a child with additional needs and when I think back that's how the drinking really started. I was finding it hard to cope so drank every night as a form of escapism, I've felt guilty for years about it. @Amdone123 @texy @Bigbus your all doing great keep moving forward.

I'm AF tonight and just offered to be on call for work on Saturday. I did this as a deliberate sabotage to any possible drinking! Sometimes I find putting obstacles in your own way helps, sometimes I will offer to be designated driver, offer someone a late evening lift, offer my services to be out of hours on call, really anything that will put restrictions on me so I can't drink. I will probably be raging on Saturday that I've done this when everyone else is out drinking in the sunshine. BUT I will thank myself on Sunday when I wake up fresh and not anxious.

Stay Strong 💗

@Determineddoris , it's good that you've told friends you're not going out. They'll survive !
In the past, I've gone out when I've not wanted to and just sat full of resentment.
My best friend laughed the other day. He said Do you fancy a session? I said No. He asked Why ? I said, Because I don't want to.

Day 3 ✅ - it's been hard. Not gonna lie. My sister visited this pm and asked did I want anything. It took all my willpower to not ask for wine.

Zumba tomorrow and then a quick run past the supermarket so I don't nip in and buy !

Keep going, folks. It's not easy but it is worth it.

Thanks @Manyrivers for understanding. I never knew I would get to this stage and now I feel I have got the ball rolling and shouldn't have left it this late to assess etc as NHS takes years of waiting but I always thought he was just a handful but now at age 10 it's not right , I too need to change though and I've accepted this so not drinking is the first step. Am up so early because it's so bloody light outside plus my little one is snoring beside me it's like sleeping with my H!
Wow @Amdone123 well done on day 3 and resisting saying to your sister no wine that must have been through as it's the routine and other things we are more conscious of that then makes it harder ! I kept imaging a piece of string in my head saying you don't need it and let's clear your brain whatever works ATM. I honestly think I can't drink again and that's daunting but I have to do this now for all peoples sake! There's also a link between peri meno symptoms and drinking symptoms so I'm basically double that ! My skin is shocking , hair thinning teeth not good (never have been). I've decided if I get through to he end of every 7 days I'm going to treat myself money permitting. There was a nice thread about what's the last treat you gave yourself out of want not need. Some of these threads are dangerous ! Hope everyone has a good day x

Morning all.
@Determineddoris you sound...well, determined! That's great and definitely the right thing to cancel plans or not attend if you know it's not the right thing for you. Weird analogy but I was on a speed awareness course a few years ago and they went round the room and asked why we were all speeding. One woman said she was speeding because there was someone right up behind her pushing her on. The facilitator very gently said "and are they here now or are you?". I think the same with drinking - our certain friends can be keen to 'push us on' with our drinking but ultimately the consequences are ours alone. It's one of the hardest parts though, especially if you're a people pleasure (me!). I don't love Sober Dave but his new podcast is great for menopause and alcohol relationship- open.spotify.com/episode/4hY8x5RAhJMcT9WSteCt82?si=GnTDwhm0SRqnGxCtk9e_Aw

(Sorry if the link doesn't work! - it's the one with Dr Rebecca Lewis)

Day 3 ✅ but god was it hard won. I was going through the craving acronym HALT (hungry, angry, tired, lonely) and realised I was all 4! So almost just thought sod it. If my partner had had one I would have caved but for once they didn't! So I struggled through. Feel your pain @Amdone123 !!! Good plan @Manyrivers about Saturday. I think planning is a big part of success. Saturday manyrivers might be annoyed but Sunday manyrivers will be so pleased! Have a great day everyone