On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

*pleaser 🙄

wish you could edit posts

Good morning everyone. Yesterday was ok - I had some G&Ts as planned then two small red wines with dinner as well as a pint of water so I feel ok today which is good and I had a good time and wasn’t drunk when I got home and left feeling anxious in the morning about how I appeared to my 16 year old.

I really struggle with letting go of the idea that you need a drink to have fun. I can’t really see how I would have enjoyed last night if I’d just been drinking Diet Coke, especially as my friend had 5 pints. We have plans with another couple on Sunday afternoon and really I’d rather not drink but it’s expected. I feel like I’ll be both bored and boring without a drink.

@Bigbus , morning!
Well, that was a great result. You didn't feel deprived and you're not hungover. I think that's brilliant.
Regarding Sunday - don't think about it yet. Think about it Sunday morning, have a plan. But don't worry about it - take the pressure off.
You can do it - I don't think you'll be bored or boring - not by a long shot.
You moderated last night and you weren't bored or boring.
And there's always tonic water in between g n ts , regarding the expectation issue.

Hi folks, well I made a complete mess of the last 2 weeks and drank more than ever. My ex husband was ramping up the emotional manipulation and I've been a tearful wreck. I woke up yesterday morning feeling absolutely crap and I thought enough is enough.

I'm going to step away from this thread, I need to avoid any talk of moderation. I'm on Day 2 and I've joined 2 great support groups (Sober UK on facebook) and I Am Sober (an app with a chat forum for sobriety).

I have loads of quit lit to read, I have started yoga and I'm determined. I am not wasting another moment of my life feeling shame, guilt or hungover. Life is short, my kids need me more than ever since I kicked my ex husband out.

In just one 24 hour period I have achieved more than I did in the whole of last week. I slept well, did exercise, batch cooked healthy food and most of all felt good about myself.

I may join a thread on complete abstinence. That's what I need to focus on. I wish you all well though, we are all fighting a battle and we'll all do it differently. See you on the other side as sober sisters I hope!

@MumLass , best wishes to you.
You sound so determined, I believe you can do it. ❤️

Thank you.

Best wishes @MumLass you’re on the right track x

Morning all. I can't tick off day 4 unfortunately as I had a spontaneous dinner invitation last night and shared a bottle of wine. I'm not going to beat myself up about that though, I didn't carry on when home and enjoyed the meal a lot. Didn't much enjoy the dog waking me up for a walk at 12am though, so was glad I hadn't had more to drink!

@MumLass best of luck on your journey. The abstinence thread on here is also great and supportive.

@JulieHoney welcome. It's lovely here ⭐️

Happy Friday Everyone,

After a very stressful day at work yesterday I really wanted to collapse on the sofa with a bottle of wine and eat my body weight in snacks! I talked myself out if stopping for wine on route home, and when I got in I wrote down all the reasons I wanted to drink.

The short story is I did overeat on snacks, (cheese and onion crisps are my weakness!), and I drank a lonely bottle of flavoured cider that was in the fridge. I decided to drink the cider, pure and simple.

Obviously I didn't get drunk off a 500ml bottle of cider, but I do wonder if I could have stopped at that if I'd had more than one in the fridge, honestly probably not! Today I'm moving forward with my original plan of an AF weekend.

Have a great day.

@Manyrivers my plan includes cider too, usually when I’m out as it takes longer to drink and isn’t as evil as wine. It’s really not a bad plan B.
I'm having middling results - I’m managing to achieve 3 AF nights a week, which is not as many as I would like. And I still have a bit too much at weekends, although I definitely have cut back since last year.
My saving grace most weeknights is AF wine. I know it seems weird, but on stressful days it does sort out the craving.
Hope nobody is beating themselves up too much. Perfection is not a standard here!
Welcome @JulieHoney. you have made a very brave first step and we are here to support you.

Hi everyone hope you are all doing ok tonight. @texy thank you for all that, I did see the podcast link on Sober Daves instgram but have yet to watch it. I procrastinate like you would not believe, I start doing one thing for example re downloaded the Alcohol Explained book on my Kindle and then promptly closed off the app to look for clothes on google! I would start tidying my room leave all the clothing on the bed and walk off and start doing something else on my phone, I think I am overwhelmed as not only am I abstaining I am also reading and researching about my child and am worried about doctors appts and schools and etc etc my mind is boggling and I have not slept for 3 nights now due to my sons hayfever so have a GP ringing tomorrow afternoon which is great but its all go go go go non stop, I need to take a breather. Well done for realising through HALT-I have been eating so much food but its better than wine. @Bigbus I hear you completely about being bored or appearing boring, I said to my DH yesterday will you support me, he said yes , I said tonight please don't drink in front of me as I will feel triggered he said but dont get upset when I do , I said are you going to say I am boring, he said when have I ever thought you were boring when not drinking (as I hav struggled on and off for years now) but possibly I am paranoid but I can see it sometimes I dont know!
@MumLass just scrolled up and read your post, I have you 100% DM if you want as I think we are in the same boat. I have joined some sober groups as well but some of the coaching stuff is too expensive for me!

Sorry signed off too early as my son turned up...
@Manyrivers well done for eating the snacks instead of the booze, the booze is empty calories anyway !
@texy just read about your impromptu dinner, sounds like you were aware of what you were drinking, the dog waking you up not so good!
@Starlia how are you? 3 nights AF is better than none thats brilliant news! I wish I could do that then I would be happier and more in control but it seems thr drink controls me but im working on it!

Checking in for mark day 4 as complete ✅ (I'm ignoring my slightly off-track yesterday!!)

I could have been persuaded to have a wine at 6pm but went on a long dog walk instead (with the insomnia dog - he has his uses I suppose) and then felt good to come home and just enjoy a tonic water with ice. I had 'I want a good sleep tonight' in the back of my mind plus I feel like I'm coming down with something so definitely an easier night than some tonight.

@Determineddoris you're doing so well. I also get a bit 'obsessed' with reading forums and articles etc when I get into something. I feel like it's a good way of re-wiring my brain. You're doing it for all the best reasons. Hopefully you'll get some sleep tonight.

Sorry you had a grim day yesterday @Manyrivers, you did really well to break the habit. A cider is a different choice to what you might have done before, and that's all we can aim for - little changes.

Hope everyone else has had a good Friday night. It's so stuffy here!

Hi @texy that's brilliant you went for a long dog walk! I love dogs so much ❤️ I want one but my DH doesn't and also they're hard bloody work and got enough on my.plate with the kids...well done on your day 4 yay! I've just completed day 3 and it feels so so wierd I don't know but I'm getting the toolkit to carry this on now. I have to. I don't want any of my friends or DH saying oh well you've not had any for a while have one etc NOoooooooo! Anyway I can but try, I'm still up but I guessed that would happen! Hope everyone is ok x

@Determineddoris , well done on Day 3. That's really good. I know how difficult it can be to get a run going. @texy , day 4, well done to you, too.

I got to day 3 then Thursday, I ended up drinking.
Yesterday I was a mess. Sick all morning, just horrendous. I can't say I was feeling ashamed, more exasperated with myself I suppose. As in, enough is enough !
I know I'm happier af so that's what I'm trying for now.

Feeling positive today. I know I won't be drinking so I can get lots done, look after myself and learn to sit in the sun without a drink.
Have a great day, everyone.

Yay well done on getting your streak @Determineddoris you can do this! Did you say you're going out today? Will that be a challenge?

@Amdone123 maybe we're twins that we caved on the same day. Do you know what it was that made you want a drink on Thursday? Sorry you felt unwell. Good incentive not to feel like that again. I didn't get hangovers as such, just the lethargy and bleh (which is even more worrying given how much I was drinking!) but the two things I hated most were the horrible disrupted sleep and my heart rate had started going really high. My Fitbit tracks it and since giving up drinking so much my resting heart rate is 68 but after a few drinks it can go up to over 100 just lying down. It's such a scary, horrible feeling that it's my incentive not to get to that point again.

My parents are coming to visit today which might be a massive trigger or might be fine (they're not the easiest). I'll keep myself in check either way 😬

Hope others had a good Fri? @Manyrivers @Bigbus @Starlia @JulieHoney

@texy , Thursday I was feeling great, got to zumba, cancelled. Nothing to do, I suppose. Went food shopping.
I know I need to sort myself out. I'm getting used to not working I suppose. Sometimes I think I'm better off working.
I don't know really. I just know my life is infinitely better when I'm not drinking.

@Amdone123 I agree that routine also helps me, so as much as I moan about working the wheels really come off for me in the school holidays. I go into holiday mode without really recognising there's 13 weeks, not most people's 4 or 5. It explains the weight gain too.

I think the HALT acronym is missing a vital letter - B. Boredom. I wonder was it boredom/despondency on Thursday for you? It definitely is a big one for me to make me think of wine and crisps!

@Amdone123 sorry you felt like crap yesterday morning and hope you are feeling much better today! You hit the nail on the head regarding being able to sit in the sun without a drink, I'm pretty sure you have done it before !
My H opened his wine yesterday but kept it out of sight for me, he said he did it to help and that's a big step for us. I'm at the in laws today for lunches and my parents are here. The men are drinking. Women aren't lol. Fil offered me I said no. I'm sitting with the children so away from the chatter and wine glasses but I won't lie it's hard. What is making it easier is my sis in law isn't here and her husband and kids. We have had a really tough relationship for number of years to the point I went to counselling about her mainly now we are very low contact and that's the way it works for everyone. BUT obviously when someone gives you anxiety is around it makes me more upset and want to drink if that makes sense. Anyway thank god she isn't here.
@texy I was supposed to go out Thurs, yesterday and tonight but I've cancelled everything (but now no one is going out tonight because I'm not!) So they have rearranged for mid July so I'm hoping I will be stronger by then and also there are two lovely Muslim girls who also aren't drinking so yay. Also the upthread chat of the group I'm drunk and saying things like yay I'm on the prosecco/gin bitches etc stuff like this and another young lad is like yay me and Doris are true alkis. Looking back im bloody mortified!!!!!
So interesting about the heart rate it's the same with smoking , which I am also not doing but I feel if I'm gonna need some stress relief it's gonna be a smoke although I hate it 😞 I just see it whatever it takes to not drink is ok for the time being.hope your parents visit goes ok let us know how you get on @texy !
@Amdone123 my life is infinitely better too without the poison we got this!
Yes HALT needs boredom...is that the same as lonely ? No so maybe we can make one up? BHALT!! A balti curry

@Amdone123 @texy boredom is such an enemy. If I have things to do in the evening, like take the kids to training or a game, or have a school thing on or a work event, I’m pretty ok. It’s when I come home and there is….nothing to look forward to, boring night at home. I think about drinking then. Wish I could be content!

@Determineddoris congrats on Day 3! Huge achievement- you got this! 💪

Thanks, folks !
Yes, I definitely drink when bored. In fact, it's one of the biggest triggers. I'm laughing at the Balti 🤣 - it could be a code word.
The thing is though, if I don't buy it, I come home and have a perfectly lovely day - I can sit in the sun without a drink, I've done it before.
It's almost like I can't think too far ahead, but to beat this bitch, I have to ! 🤬
Again, back to the mental gymnastics - I'm not drinking anymore.

Dh is 60 this year so he's taking himself on a long haul trip of a lifetime for a week, leaves tomorrow, so I'm using this week to decorate / summer clean / etc.
He loves our house ( much more than me 🤣), and I know there are certain areas he wants sorting so I'm going to do it and surprise him.
And I'll reward myself with lots of af drinks, and activities.

@Starlia I'm on day 4!!! Thank you so much!!!!! I'm so proud at the moment, slept so well last night first time but it took me 3 nights to get the alcohol out so I could sleep properly.

@Amdone123 that actually sounds really nice. A week of pottering and home improvement feels like a really wholesome plan.

@Determineddoris you're doing so well. Are the other women just not really drinkers or are they cutting back? Helpful to have AF company!

Love the balti idea (though makes me hungry 😂). @Starlia I'm the same about plans in the evening; I don't even begrudge them. It's just if I don't have any that the wine witch is a bit of a minx!

The other thing I think HALT misses out - my other biggest trigger - is happy. I actually think that's the one I find hardest to resist as if I'm bored I'm grumpy anyway so it matters less but happy - much harder. Little by little.

@texy these two women are Muslim and don't drink, I haven't even met one of them! I also don't have a religion which I think is a hindrance as I feel I need guidance! You are right about the happy thing, celebrations etc thats why forever is so daunting and I don't really want to think about it !