On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

Morning, all !
Great to read all your posts, whether struggling or not and, let's face it, May was hard.
At least everyone is still trying to figure it all out.

Yesterday was not good. Job wise.
I think I've made a mistake but the only thing I can do is put my best foot forward, and get on with it.
I'm up early as 1st proper day today, I've walked the dog.
On a positive, I didn't drink, so slept quite well considering all the whirring thoughts.
I'm giving the job a month.
So, next 30 days, I'm concentrating on losing weight ( the job will help), not drinking ( the job may help !), getting fitter and doing my best at work.
And if it's not good enough, it's not good enough !

Have a good day, folks.

Sounds quite positive @Amdone123 !!! It's good you are giving the job at least a month instead of packing it in straight away. I like your vibes this morning much needed! I can't do from today as am out tonight but also I'm going to be very mindful about how much I drink. I get very nervous around new people esp people important to my H so I end up over drinking. We are leaving early tomorrow for a weekend away so need to be mindful of all of that! I hope I will be more aware this weekend away how much I'm drinking in front of the children. That whole thing I say about my kids always seeing a wine glass in my hand. I'm really trying to stop that. Abstaining for me works better than moderation. If I even attempt to try tonight I'll end up wanting to leave early and be miserable I know it's shit but it's true. If I was with familiar faces and friends who are aware of my mindfulness of drinking it would be easier. Hope everyone is ok 🙏

@Determineddoris , have a great time away.
My job is finished !
Won't go into why - too boring.
I need to trust my inner feelings 🤣
I am now a retired teacher, living off my pension, and looking after myself and my dog !

It doesn't sound too bad ❤️

Actually, what I can take from the last 3 really hard days, is that I am quite determined when I put my mind to it - so, still feeling positive - glass half full n all that .

Hi Everyone,

Trying to get back to focusing on my low/no alcohol journey and overall health. I've been giving reasonable effort with excerise but work stress has meant poor food choices with the dreaded bottle of wine sneaking in some evenings. I'm back here, determined not to lose sight of my goal.

Hope you are all well.

Morning @Manyrivers , I was wondering how you were, thought you'd maybe gone on holiday.
Yes, sounds good. You've not lost sight of your goal, sometimes life gets in the way.
I sometimes think I'd be better if I lived in the middle of nowhere with no outside influences!

I haven't been on the thread recently because I made such a mess of May and I was so ashamed. Wish I had checked in because that's when you really need to and it sounds like others have struggled too! I'm determined to make June a better month.

Hi @Manyrivers love the determination coming from you and @Amdone123 !sounds fab retired teacher hats off to you! And yes gut instincts always know best! @youboozeyoulose I completely understand where you are coming from I feel like I've made a mess of every month! Last night was bad, I started drinking early got on trains and tubes and drank more didn't eat lunch and there was no food there (even tho DH said there would be) and by the time I realised I should just go get food I had shots and all sorts, I was very nearly sick when we got home and my DH started arguing with a random person on the way home it was awful I was trollied so was he ..not a good combination and he's acting like a teenager! We are in our 40s! Now of course I feel hungover and horrendous and I'm trying to pack to go away! Kids are feral too ...anyway I don't know because right now I never want to drink again but the ugly head will rear come evening when I'm feeling less hungover ! I really am thinking about taking some medication as I don't think anything else will help

@Determineddoris , that's why I'm thinking of antabuse. When you take it, you can't touch a drop or you'll be very ill. I feel it would work for me as I know I'm drinking out of habit.
Of course, it won't be easy but I think the benefits will outweigh the problems that come with drinking.
I hope you're feeling better soon.
@youboozeyoulose , I do understand the feeling of shame. I used to feel so ashamed until I realised it was an addiction ( through habit) and there was no shame to be had.
Keep posting and we'll help you through June. May was a bloody nightmare for us all, so you're in great company.

@Amdone123 I have been reading about it but it's only on prescription I think is that right ? I don't know 😔 I just wish it wasn't this flipping hard

@Determineddoris , I think so, yes.
Hope you're feeling better .

Morning Everyone,

I love the support on this group, and the honesty. ❤

Well I sunk a bottle of wine last night and I'm out at a beer festival today. The wine after work isn't even about the alcohol its me using it as a reward, a relaxing tool and a very stubborn ingrained habit!! I think I'm going to use just that as my focus this week, not drinking after work (here we go again, back on this merry-go-round, @Amdone123 how many times you heard this from me now! ).

@youboozeyoulose let's try and have a better June, the great thing about this is its not a one time pass or fail challenge, we get a new chance everyday to start over and give it another shot. @Determineddoris @Amdone123 I do wonder sometimes if I would benefit from a GP visit to discuss my drinking, I am open to alcohol counselling and toyed with the idea before, does anyone have experience of GP or counselling?

Have a good day everyone

@Manyrivers 🤣, it doesn't matter how many times, I'm the same. Yesterday I was feeling delicate and said to myself, At least this is the last time you'll feel like this.
I actually started laughing to myself. I say this all the time.

It's another lovely day, here. No idea what I'm doing, no idea what I want to do.
I suppose my dsis will invite me to hers, but I know how it will end, and I don't want to drink today.

Hello all

Thank you again for all the kindness shown when I first joined.

I've halved my weekly intake and feel a lot better. I'm reflecting on the fact that the horrible slithering anxiety that was plaguing me has receded and that the two things have to be connected.

koko

@liz4change , that's brilliant !
Well done. It's not an easy thing to do, so kudos to you.
Also, very inspiring and helpful. I'm struggling today. It's lovely out, dh at work, got a good book. I've drank 2 litres of sparkling water, so happy with that.
I'll koko 😩❤️

Morning, folks, hope you're all doing OK.
I was struggling yesterday then my sister sent up a bag of clothes, books and.....prosecco.
Thankfully, it was later on in the day. I had that and very nearly went out to get more. I didn't so pleased with that. I went back on the sparkling water.
No smoking, no hangover.
I'm up to go to zumba first, then a long walk.
I'm having to push myself though.
Feeling fed up and demotivated, but not sure why.
Hope you all have a great day ❤️

Hi everyone, long time lurker on this thread which is weird as I feel like I know you all but you obviously don't know me!!

I've been trying hard to moderate over the last 4-6 weeks after a few observations hit deeper than normal - I was a more sober one on a very messy night out which was eye-opening and not in a good way! And I realised how few plans/hobbies we make or do at the weekend or evenings because we prioritise drinking. I've been reprogramming myself using a William Porter podcasts and Alcohol Explained (but not tooo much in case it puts me off drinking forever - what am I like?!) and have cut right back. Ironically, in my head I'm tee-total after listening to all the podcasts but in hard reality (thanks DrinkAware app...!) I've had 16 units this week and may have a few units today too. In my defence it's been half term so am aiming more for (and have been achieving) 9/10 a week usually.

If I'm completely honest with myself, I was getting up to 70+ units a week and definitely a bottle and a half Fri, Sat and Sun so 16 is a massive reduction but still higher than I want.

I have more to say on the subject (I'm a moderation bore!) but can't talk to people in real life about it much. Lovely to have followed your journeys and I'm really impressed with you all. Becoming conscious is a painful but necessary part of the process and it can feel really challenging at times. Happy Sunday everyone!

Morning @texy , sounds like you're doing really well. You've cut down an awful lot. I can be a bit like you, I think, in that even though I can cut back a lot, the bit I do drink is too much.
I'm like that with smoking. I only smoke 4 or 5 a week ( and only) when drinking - I still think it's 4 or 5 too many.
Lots of us on this thread do think the same - I wonder if others have an element of perfectionism in their lives. Definitely All or Nothing.
I hope all that makes sense - it's a quick one, as I'm about to do Zumba.
Great to have you on board - ❤️, and have a lovely day.

Hello @texy welcome. I feel like I should read some of the books but I’m also worried that it will put me off drinking forever and I don’t want to give up, I want to moderate.

Im generally doing well at home but just mess it all up when I go out. I went to a friends yesterday and we had three bottles between us and it’s stupid. Two would have been plenty. Now I don’t feel the worst I’ve ever felt but I don’t feel particularly great. And I’m fed up with myself too. I’m trying to lose weight and now this week I doubt I will because the wine weight will jump on. Why is it so hard to stick to good intentions???? Also feeling a bit fed up this morning @Amdone123 . I don’t really want this struggle to be for the rest of my life.

Hiya @Amdone123 and @Bigbus thanks for the welcome
I hear what you're saying re not wanting to give up completely. I think that's why I can only half read the proper AF books, I'm like fingers in my ears, "La La La, can't hear you"! 🙈
I'm also struggling to lose weight @Bigbus and actually a bit fuming about it. I have at least a stone to lose but since cutting right back I've lost a grand total of nothing. In fact I think I've put on 2lbs. Not the best incentive really.

Have you read the Good Drinker? Adrian Chiles' one? That's not about giving up; it's all about moderation and that basically it's the first few drinks that are the best so having strategies to move to AF once you've had the 'benefit' of those first few drinks. I struggled a bit at first with this approach as who wants to switch after a few glasses but I've found a few good* AF alternatives (blood orange tonic is my new fave) and actually have found it a bit easier* recently. Motivated by the desire not to feel so shit and hungover all the time.

@Amdone123 Zumba on a warm Sunday morning - I'm very impressed!! I'm still in my PJs 🙈

@texy , I think that approach - of stopping after the first 2, is brilliant. I couldn't do it like, but it's brilliant 🤣.
Though, like with most things, once you do it a few times, who knows ?
I'm motivated by the same desire too ( of no hangover), and when I'm af, I do really enjoy it.

@Bigbus , awh, it's a pain, isn't it. I can have great intentions for the day, then they just disappear ( not always, but mostly).
Regarding struggling with it for the rest of one's life, I feel the same. That's why sometimes I just think, do what you want, you're only here once, etc, etc. But it doesn't really make me happy. Being af does !!
Maybe just carry on with your diet plan: the wine might not have necessarily jeopardised your plan.

I’m glad to be going to bed - sober! Tomorrow I will wake up in a better frame of mind!

Hope you're feeling better today @Bigbus
I'm feeling a bit more positive after a good night's sleep. I've gone off the rails a bit recently with the weather / change in job circumstances, but I'm sorting myself out now !!
My plan is the next 5 days - af, eat properly, exercise and a positive attitude.
Anyone want to join me ?

I'll join you @Amdone123
Realised I still got to over 30 units last week even 'moderating' which is definitely not my goal. So easy for them to add up. Half term and the weather definitely didn't help.

So - definitely AF Mon-Thursday, intend to be AF Fri and then will see about the weekend.

@Bigbus hope you're feeling a bit better. I've also felt a bit low and restless recently. Might try some mindfulness or meditation, feel like I can't focus on anything or settle at the moment.

Hope everyone else has had a good weekend. Can't say I feel ready for Monday!!!

@Amdone123 I'm joining you! I'm going for a period of abstinence. I've not put a time limit on this I just want to see how I feel. I've done a lot of reflection this week and feel like I'm ready to commit.