On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

Total failure last night. Downed two bottles of wine. Will I ever learn.

I failed last night too @youboozeyoulose
What were you aiming for this week?

AF Monday to Thursday😞I bought two bottles of wine for the weekend in the weekly shop and drank them both. Have come to the conclusion I just can't have it in the house. What were you aiming for?

@youboozeyoulose , I definitely can't have it in the house. @MumLass , you haven't failed - your're still addressing the issue and trying to do something about it.
We can all start afresh today. ❤️

Hi @Amdone123 and everyone else. I started a 6 week diet on Monday. I am actually pretty good at them, but it has taken 2 months of work to be in the right headspace for it. I aim to being almost AF for the 6 weeks but I will allow myself a glass here or there if I think I can keep it at the one. I have promised myself to be AF for at least the first 2 weeks. There is no denying it has been easier to get back to a better place with work being much quieter for the past 2 months. Jan, Feb and March I was not in a good place! Hope everyone else is going okay xx

@Amdone123 You are right, time to start afresh. Unsurprisingly I feel rubbish but I'm not going to have a drink in the evening to make myself feel better.

I was aiming for 7 days AF, then to only drink at weekend and keep it under 14 units. I then drank a bottle of wine on Sunday so I wanted to stay AF until this coming weekend. Then I had a couple of glasses last night :( Trying from today and aiming to be AF until Saturday now.

@MumLass Let's make sure we're both on here tomorrow sharing our success stories!

Thanks all for the welcome, I'm feeling much less defeated than a few days ago and in much better form. I have to accept that menopause plus alcohol leaves me incredibly anxious the next day and full of self hatred and I need to get serious about taking better care of myself.

I have done quite long periods with 5/7 days a week AF but not for a couple of years.

Back to lurking, thanks again

@liz4change , that's great that you're feeling less defeated.
It's great when you've got someone to 'talk' to who understands.
My dh and family are lovely but I've stopped talking to them. All I get is, You're not that bad ! Drives me mad. Its not a case of being that bad. It's not a race to the bottom.
Yes, I didn't realise that the anxiety I was feeling when hungover was related to the menopause. It's because I've sailed through the menopause really - only 3 symptoms - insomnia, a few hot flushes and anxiety ( and all 3 exacerbated by wine).
My dsis has circa 30 symptoms to my 3 !

Hi everyone - just a quick check-in from me...
It was easy being AF Mon-Wed this week (evening walk with friend, evening walk with son, Piano lesson) today though...we're having an evening BBQ, so more of a challenge. Not a drop yet. I'm going to try...

@Coppergate3 i hope you enjoyed your bbq!

I am due to go out with an old friend on Saturday and traditionally we get absolutely wasted when we go out. I do like to get a bit tipsy but I really don’t want to get so that I can’t remember things or do something stupid. I also don’t want a horrible hangover. But then I worry I’ll be boring if I don’t drink!

It was good thanks @Bigbus - I didn't drink at all in the end! We (only me, DH and DS) had to eat at 8 pm (when DS got back - didn't think this through!) & it had cooled down a lot by this point so didn't sit down until then. That saved me I think as the urge had gone by then.

I can definitely relate to drinking to feel less boring but that is worrying too much about other people rather than ourselves. How much of it is to stop us being bored? I think Tipsy is the sweet spot! Lost count of the number of hangovers that weren't worth it! Hope you have a great evening on Saturday and no hangover on Sunday 😀!

Hi everyone how's everyone this morning ? I'm just trying to catch up with the thread and see there's some who think they've failed it's not failure it's us trying our best! I have also not stuck to my plan of AF Mon to Thursday and only had the Monday off FFS! My excuse is the kids doing my head in lol and yes the weather doesn't help! Well done for not drinking at the BBQ @Coppergate3 ! tipsy definitely is the sweet spot but once I get to that point it's literally a rollercoaster because it's there still if that makes sense? I also can't have it in the house but my DH had a big delivery of wine yesterday so that's it I just can't help myself! He didn't drink at all last night and drank coke I'm thinking why the hell didn't I follow his steps? @Bigbus I also worry I'm boring if I don't drink, let us know how it all goes. Hope everyone else is ok xx

Argh, I had a drink (or 3) last night. I have noticed a pattern, it's when I have to see my ex husband! I was AF Mon & Wed. Tue & Thu I caved, and those are the days I had to see him due to the children. It's Friday now, so time to relax and enjoy the weekend but I won't be drinking loads. I'm meeting a friend for one (literally only one as I'm driving) tonight. Tomorrow might be a few more in a beer garden with another friend. Onwards to next week and doing better. On the plus side I have had 4 AF days in the last 7. That's a record for me for some time!

@MumLass , you're doing great. It's good when you notice a pattern - you can then look at ways to tackle it. You've been through an awful lot, so go easy on yourself. @Determineddoris , awh, the weather ! To think I've always wanted to live in Spain. I'd last a year ! @Coppergate3 , well done for last night. That's great.
I did drink yesterday but I'm happy with my decision.
I don't think I'd be boring if I didn't drink when socialising - I more need it to be motivated or energised as I don't really like going out !
I think socialising af is just a different scenario - no better or no worse, really - just different.

That's an interesting observation @MumLass ! I really think there is something in this - that just being in some people's presence can trigger a deep desire to drink. I noticed it the first time when I hadn't been drinking at all for a couple of months and a 'difficult' family member of DH's just turned up at the door...[the boundary was that they didn't do this and they definitely didn't do this during the working day - they did both, of course]. DH and I both had an overwhelming desire to drink when they left and we got drunk that night. We now know how to actually enforce boundaries so I wouldn't open the door now but we didn't back then...

I had a drink last night (at home, so a 5 day AF free at home streak this week), not until about 7.30 pm and after I had one glass of wine I realised I didn't want a second. I seem to be moderating very easily at the moment - it is almost odd. I'm starting to wonder if it is related to finally calling time on the very last draining relationship in my life (intermittently passive aggressive & devaluing friend - the final straw landed). Time will tell I guess!

Good morning everyone I hope everyone is well. It’s a lovely day here where I am. Beck Holiday weekends are tricky I think, especially when it’s sunny. I would love to spend the day in the garden with a bottle of Prosecco or two!

I went out last night with my friend as planned - it went really well. We have some wine and some food then my friend wanted to go somewhere else before my train and I had a soft drink! Made my train, clear memory of coming home, straight to bed and woke up this morning feeling ok. In the past I would have ended up stupidly drunk, getting a super expensive taxi home, little memory of it and feeling like rubbish. I’m aware that I still need to concentrate and plan to do this, it doesn’t come naturally, but in the past I’ve struggled to stick to the plan once I’ve had a few glasses of wine so this is really good for me.

now I just have to avoid rewarding myself with wine in the sunshine today!

@Bigbus , well done ! That is a really great result. Gawd, yeah, the weather ! I find it really difficult to not drink in the garden. I'm going to have to keep trying though.
I'm hungover as it was my sister's birthday yesterday and we had a party.
I've also promised a friend I'll go to hers, too, today. At least I can eat there !
I'm stopping after today. I'm excited about June. I have a new job, and I really want to lose weight for my July holiday. Feeling really motivated.

Actually @Amdone123 i think it’s the weight loss that’s motivating me more than the desire not to drink. And it’s still important to have fun and go to parties and friends. It’s about moderating and having days AF in between, which is what I had stopped doing. I had started measuring in bottles of wine per week and telling myself anything less than 7 was good!!!

Fantastic @Bigbus !

Congratulations on your new job @Amdone123 🌟! I read that in your other post but just realised I only congratulated you in my head 🤗

Fallen off my perch...
Two double G&T followed by 3 glasses of wine. Learning the lesson, yet again, that I can only moderate well if I have several days off between drinking! Fri - 1 glass of wine, Sat - 2 glasses of wine and now Sun - this! Blows my most recent theory out of the water. I really think it is as simple as this. Maybe.
Hopefully back on the wagon tomorrow (I've got the week off work so it will take some effort I think...).

Hi all, I haven't been doing too well unfortunately when stress levels are high I drink and waste time 😭 it's half term this week and it's going to be busy so hopefully will make me not drink until Thurs (party) and Fri we are away for the weekend so most likely will drink from midday /lunch ...I would like to break the habit. The few days I had off last week I felt good and lost weight but also wass more active. I wanted to fall asleep early the other day after drinking most of the day and my kids both said separately mummy why are you going to sleep so early? It really didn't resonate with me at the time but now thinking back the feeling like crap, mum guilt, general anxiety all through the roof. It just doesn't make sense any of it plus I'm smoking too so double whammy on my health! I know I've got to stop feeling sorry for myself.
Well done on the new job @Amdone123 ! Really great news I wish you very well for the future, I am desperately looking for a remote WFH job at the moment too but can't find anything suitable! @Coppergate3 tbh that's not a bad run and I too think if we have had a few days off from it we are more thoughtful about how much we are drinking but then it all goes to pot! Bank holiday weekends and the weather don't help! @Bigbus my big motivation was also weight loss it's crazy how much it shows and I too counting bottles... yesterday I had a whole prosecco bottle plus half bottle of red wine (when I said oh I won't touch red wine this week)...I've been drinking that plus white wine too , beers, gins anything goes ! Gin has finished in my house now (bought in march for DH but he didn't touch it ). Anyway I'm not buying any more gin, and hoping not to buy prosecco or wine. I don't know our plans today but I'm hoping if we go for lunch or dinner I will have a diet coke!!!! Please give good vibes my way!!!!

@Determineddoris , I am sending good vibes to you ❤️
You're still trying, you're still thinking about it. You're always so supportive to folk on here, and say the loveliest things, so please go easy on yourself.
Go for your lunch / dinner, and if you drink, you drink. It's not the end of the world and the positive is that you're here, and you're getting a very good understanding of your relationship with drinking.
@Coppergate3 , I think similar for you. You're trying, you've had a blip - It's ok. You're off this week, one day at a time. If you drink, you drink - I think it's best to take the pressure off.
I was hungover yesterday - awful ! I'm good today, going to chill with the dog, etc.

I'm still thinking about antabuse - the reason I think it could work for me ( even though it's an extreme measure), is that I know I'm drinking through habit. I don't always want to drink, it's just something I do.
A life without it holds so many benefits for me.

Congratulations on the new job @Amdone123 !

I am a week into my diet and it’s going well. I had half a glass of wine yesterday. My DH got a bottle of Chardonnay so I couldn’t resist. Honestly, it’s so boring being on this diet but there is only 5 more weeks to go and I’m sure the results will be worth it.

My little dog is sick again and had
blood tests this morning. He is a senior with health issues so I’m hoping for the best but have to prepare myself in case it isn’t something simple to fix. These are the moments I’m glad I’m in a good place with my drinking and looking after myself!

Hope everyone had a good weekend.