I am done. Anyone fancy joining me?

[Rupertpenrysmistress]

So I have an alcohol problem. Have done for years, Christmas may not be the best time to stop but I have to. It's killing me and destroying my family. I will take today to make my plan. I already have all the quit books just need to do it now.

Any long term sober people have any tips for me? I guess at the moment it's hour by hour.

Hi all

I gave up drinking for 18 months a few years ago then slid back into it. Anyway I stopped last month. It wasn't a massively conscious decision as I really like wine. Like PP DH and I can have a great time with a long lunch, chatting, messing around etc.

Never got nasty but I think I was probably annoying when drunk. Also terrible sleep disruption.

Anyway I sustained an injury last month and was taking strong painkillers. I stopped drinking as although I could handle it thought it wasn't the best idea.

I have decided to remain sober now. DH still drinks but nowhere near the amount when together. Everything is easier (and better) for me not drinking.

Firstly that I am always safe to drive. No dark wet walks home after a night out or waiting for an expensive taxi.

Secondly I remember everything. I don't have those memory lapses where I think 'oh shit what did I do/say'

Thirdly I'm in the NHS and see heavy drinkers. They're just impossible. Difficult with family, careers spoilt etc

Fourth - physically. Not bloated with bad skin/hair and stained teeth.

Fifth - the money it's so expensive to drink!

I'm sure there's more but it's just bullshit. If you're a female in the UK we're constantly having alcohol normalised; oh it's wine o'clock, keep calm - have Prosecco, fetch the gin...

How many posts on here are about men not coming home because of alcohol? How many Xmas dramas?

Sorry last thing. I hated the fact that I sort of needed drink to cope with my children. Well that's what I told myself. I really didn't. They're great kids. It was just so bloody normal

So many usefull tips on this thread. I feel bored when I don't drink, bonkers I know. Come from a family of drinkers.

@bellalou1234

I used to drink out of boredom. But boredom is an emotion you create. One person's boring is another's excitement.

Boredom comes disguised as an urge willing you to distract yourself with a drink.

Don’t get sucked into all the drama - “oh my God it’s so boring without a drink.”

Instead stay with the emotion of boredom. What's really causing it? Is it that you don't want to be at the party? That you don't really like the people you're hanging out with and alcohol makes it tolerable?

Answer these questions and you start to change the behaviour of drinking when bored.

@brightspice totally agree about the boring thing

I had people saying I'd be boring if I didn't drink or it'd be a dull night out etc. it's really immature and annoying.

Actually that wasn't what you were saying at all, but my point still stands

@soberclover I used to spend hours worrying about how to answer the "why aren't you drinking?" question and the follow-up "you're so boring." It kept me drinking for longer than I would care to admit.

Beyond the sarky response "you're more fun when I'm drinking" in the end I would practice what I'd say in advance to the "you're boring" accusation. I even ended up creating a document of 111 responses to pick from and try out.

@Ineedo stop
Sober Starts Today" 100 day journal
Where did you get this from?
Sounds a helpful tool x

@JoNeedsHelp just off Amazon.co.uk. It is really helpful. I highly recommend it.

Oh I'd love to see that document @brightspice sounds great.

Tbh I'm now too old to worry about people thinking I'm pregnant. I'm pretty confident now about being honest.

"I'm just feeling better being sober right now". I can fend off questions about whether I'll drink again - just being non committal then the topic can fizzle out.

Good luck. Have you tried AA?

@ineedtostop
I've ordered it, thank you 😊

[quote brightspice]@coodawoodashooda If you're an over drinker but not an alcoholic, drinking is just a habit that you've practiced a lot and therefore got really good at. Much like the way you clean your teeth twice a day without thinking too much about it, you can drink without too much effort (though the reward of alcohol creates it a very strong habit).

And as you're the one who taught yourself how to drink (usually at trigger points/times of day/locations) you can unteach yourself too.

I would start by interrupting the automatic habit flow by inserting a pause before you drink (before you pour a drink, before you accept a drink, before you put the glass to your lips) and ask simply: why do I want this drink? Just sit with that for a moment, bring the drinking to your full consciousness.

I found this difficult because I was so used to the action of drinking that I did it without much thought.

There's other stuff I can suggest on the back of this, but this is a good place to start.

Christmas is a great time to start because you'll be put in situation after situation where you can find out why you drink and start to inspect what's really driving it.

Hope this helps. Happy to answer questions[/quote]
Thank you for taking the time to reply. You have given me a lot to think about. I find no alcohol so easy when the kids are at home. When they go to their other parent i find it hard not to 'relax' with wine.

Please be assured that once you get used to sobriety you get used to all the mental trickery that you do to yourself and others do to you too.

The boredom thing is one. When you stop life can feel tedious. That’s the addiction or habit eating away at you. When the addiction or habits go completely then you don’t feel bored anymore.

Your friends/colleagues will get used to it but so long as they are drinking they might not like it. I have massive peer pressure from my group of friends who literally even in middle age centre their entire lives around boozing. There is conflict and this is definitely one of the worst parts but you get stronger at managing it and sadly you may even have to part ways.

But there’s no better feeling than the next morning when having driven to a party that they have gotten smashed at you wake up clear headed having had a lovely time, with no social anxiety and, yes, feeling a little bit smug that you’re not in bed popping alka seltzer and feeling sea sick.

I feel I have more energy at social gatherings and that I am more attentive to the people there, without the distraction of drink.

It was at Xmas that I decided to address my drinking. I was super stressed in those days and me and DH used to have toxic rows once alcohol was in the mix. I just used to feel angry and then medicate with drink and then anything he did would set me off.

Now I don’t feel stressed as having been sober I have had the time to address all my issues and deal with them properly. This took a long time but it’s changed my life.

So now peace is restored in the house and everyone is grateful and I am content with my life. And still married. Amazingly haha!

Day 4
Have had a cold but feeling really good about not drinking
Love belvoir mulled fruit punch

Hello everyone- day 6 here and feeling good. I know I will not drink today - I know myself that when the urge to drink does come, I will be really challenged but I’ve no desire to drink today.

Re the comments about boredom. I had a bit of a lightbulb moment yesterday. I too thought that drinking made things less boring / more fun etc. But I realised that was a lie - I would watch a movie I’d been really looking forward to and not remember it; go to a show during which I’d fall asleep; go on a long anticipated night out and have to leave early due to being wasted or fall out with friends- so the “more fun” really is an illusion. The other thing that occurred to me was- after a binge, I am so anxious for about 3 days that I cannot enjoy anything and I’m like a caged tiger, pacing around feeling “bored”. But once the anxiety lessens and I’m AF, I get back to doing things I really enjoy. Last night for example, I caught up with a few autobiographical programs on TV and really enjoyed them.

Now I’m not saying that a bit of a buzz on a cold, damp Tuesday night didn’t make the night a bit more “exciting”, but it doesn’t stop there - it becomes more and more booze to “chase the dragon” leading to more feelings of self loathing. A cold, damp Tuesday night doesn’t need to be exciting!!! It can just be what it is - a bit boring! Every day/night doesn’t need to be the best day ever.

So just my ramblings for today and I hope they make sense! Wishing everyone a peaceful sober Saturday ❤️👍

Hi everyone day 4 today. I feel a bit restless but it is so true what @stuck is saying. Sometimes you need to just be. I am planning on starting to run again and hope I can get back into it with the same sense of commitment I had for it before.
Otherwise today I am making Xmas cookies with my DC. Hope everyone has a great day.

Morning

I had a brilliant day yesterday. Went to a few events during the day then the evening. DH drank but he's totally even and doesn't really get affected like I do.

We had SUCH a good time. It was lovely driving home knowing I would shower, sleep in my own bed and have no remorse the next day.

Not missing drinking at all

@soberclover Happy to share the doc - it's my Christmas present to you. If you send me your email through a PM I'll email it over.

HI all - how is everyone doing? Day 8 for me - this time last week I was retching all day, couldn't keep anything down, crippled with anxiety and my face was all swollen and bloated. Was meant to be working from home but couldn't concentrate. Had a deadline though so ended up going to bed from 3pm to midnight then getting up and doing 3 hours work - luckily I am very good at my job when fully functioning (which is probably why I've managed to get away with being so hungover for so long) - how ridiculous is that? Would be different if it was a cold or something but it was completely self inflicted.

So it's amazing the difference a week can make - mentally I am so happy that I have gone 7 days AF. I know I won't drink today as there is no alcohol in the house and I won't be going out anywhere. I could of course make a reason to go out but I'm not having cravings so no need. I know the compulsion to drink will come in the not too distant future. Going by my past timelines, it will fall around Christmas Eve/Day/Boxing Day - this will work well for me as I will be surrounded by family, not able to make excuses to go out on my own and there will be no access to alcohol for me - husband and son keep their beers in the shed and I don't have a key (it's been taken from me) and they just get one for themself, one at a time. My Three Spirit AF drinks arrived today so I am looking forward to having those - one for during the day and one for nearer bedtime as a nightcap.

@soberclover - great to hear what a fab day you had. I also had an AF family day to the cinema/dinner out and really enjoyed it - and this year I can actually remember it all!

@Rupertpenrysmistress - yes, being comfortable with it being just a bit of a 'meh' day is something I'm working on. How did the cookies go? I'm glad my DC are grown up now as I was not the type of mum who enjoyed home baking, gingerbread houses etc - and this was before my drinking problems - I was just crap at all that. We did a gingerbread house one year and it looked like I'd decorated it wearing boxing gloves lol!

@JoNeedshelp @fenulla @coodawoodashooda @ineedtostop - how are things with you guys?

Sorry if I've missed anyone - KOKO

Im alright actually. I do enjoy non alcoholic 'alcoholic' drinks. Much prefer them in some ways. Not sure if that is acceptable.

@stuckhere2021 - I fell off I'm ashamed to say 😔

Hi @Stuckhere2021! Day 9 for me, so a similar timeline. Your Monday is clearly a helluva lot better this week than last week! Day 9 doesn't sound like much, I'm trying to look at it as Day 9 of many going forward.

Sounds like you've got a good system going at home to reduce chances of drinking. I've been giving away all the wine I have received/bought for Christmas, so reducing temptation here.

Oh no, @JoNeedshelp! What happened? How are you feeling?

@JoNeedshelp we're here for you x

@excitedemmi - ain’t that the truth! I keep saying “I can never go back there” then I do. Hoping it will stick one day. When I feel so good and happy like today, I can’t imagine giving in and drinking vodka “in secret” ever again - but I’ve been here sooooo many times.

My husband has stopped drinking wine as he knows I miss it and would be tempted and all my friends and family know I’ve a problem so no one will give me alcohol as a present thankfully.

Day 9 is great - you’ll soon be in double figures. According to the NHS website, 2 weeks AF will allow your fatty liver to heal (all heavy / binge drinkers have a degree of fatty liver) - I think from other scientific journals I’ve read that’s a bit optimistic but it’s still a good point to aim for and you are nearly there!