I am done. Anyone fancy joining me?

[Rupertpenrysmistress]

So I have an alcohol problem. Have done for years, Christmas may not be the best time to stop but I have to. It's killing me and destroying my family. I will take today to make my plan. I already have all the quit books just need to do it now.

Any long term sober people have any tips for me? I guess at the moment it's hour by hour.

I think you are brave and brilliant.

I quit last Easter for Lent. The soda stream helped a lot as a replacement for wine.

I come from a family of alcoholics. Both my parents functioned until they didn't, and when they stopped functioning it was awful. I still struggle with my memories of my father. He was very kind man, but I have to go back 30 years to find a version of him i can respect, and even then I resent the drinking. I refuse to waste my life for alcohol.

I'm trying to think of this as just part of the whole pattern of life, which is that we are forever inching our way from one state to a more desirable situation.

Having fitness goals is really helping me because although the first few days are hard, your body does start to respond if you keep going, and then you can take pleasure in making progress and setting targets, and drinking becomes a much more obvious act of self-sabotage. Not that that used to stop me! -- it was almost as though I'd get to a point where something in my brain decided "Whoo! I feel so good now, time to fuck it all up." But I really think I've had enough.

I'm still muddling through what has made drinking so seductive and appealing. I think it's something to do with the loss of control. After a long day of focused work, letting your brain off the hook seems like a treat, but I think it's more than that -- maybe something about it mirroring a kind of loss of control more generally, a sort of "I can't do much about X, Y, Z, so fuck it"...? Not sure.

In any case, these are rationalisations, and what makes me sense I've had enough at last is a gut feeling. What's taken the shine off drinking, for me, is that lately I've been paying close attention to how I actually feel when pissed. It's actually not that enjoyable at the time -- let alone later on, when you wake in the night with your heart clenched with dread, and spend the next couple of days feeling utterly depleted. It's a very confusing drug for the body, mind and spirit.

Hi everyone....can I join?
I typed a big long message and gigs the post button before I made a user name 🙄

Today is day 2 for me on this attempt. Last week I was lurking /reading & did 4 days and then bought wine.
I really have to stop for health reasons. I have been diagnosed with Chronic pancreatiis earlier this year & it kill me if I don't. I drink a bottle of wine every night. I can't seem to leave it once it's open. I'm very tiny and although I now don't really even feel that drunk after a bottle, ita done & doing some serious damage.
On top of the pain and diagnosis, I'm trying to decide whether to stay in a rather possibly controlling & unhealthy relationship or to just enough it (I'm 52...I don't want to be on my own 😔😢).
I also lost my dad o e in Ireland earlier this year & still havnt been to go see my mum and say goodbye to dad proper, what with hospitalisation and Covid and the restrictions & my vulneabiilty.
Anyway, it's been a tough year & still is. I'm suffering terrible from stress and so low & anxiety through th roof. I font want to get up or do anything. I hate the thought of Christmas. ....
And I know I'm using the Sri k as an excuse but to me, I thought it is helping. But I have to stop...... so here I am in day 2.
Can someone tell me what books thee are and where to get thme? Are they actual books or on line. I need to get any books I can.
I know the question was asked before as I said it when lurking....but I don't know where.

Than you eveyone & I look forward to by suggestions.
I hope everyone has a song positive day 😊 x

Hello stuckhere

That was my first post and I didn't re-read before posting, so lots of typos (really stessed).
I can't see anywhere to 'Edit' your post once you've posted it?
Hopefully people can figure out what it was meant to say.

Hello Jo

Morning all. Very similar experiences here, the drinking to relax or to replace the things we have lost. Then the worst part for me anxiety at 3am, heart pounding and hating myself. I don't even enjoy drinking. I have the tools and will use the amazing suggestions and support on this thread to. I will stop for Christmas.

The books I can recommend are Allen Carr - the easy way for women. The joy of being sober, Annie grace, alcohol lied to me - Craig Beck and I really enjoyed cold turkey by Mishka Shubaly this one was straight to the point, challenging, sad with a lot of swearing.

I have the 30 day experiment app ready to go. Need to find alternative activities, snacks and drinks ☺️. I am happy to swop wine calories for food.

Hello everyone I’ve not read everything but as I feeling crap but I don’t want a drink so at least I can say that, please look after yourselves and group hug.

A replacement fizzy drink with sugar in it helps as I find part of the desire for alcohol is the low sugar / hungry feeling in the late afternoon. Buy something you like, tall glass lots of ice - has to have sugar for me which gives me a boost so less likely to succumb to the wine.

I just remembered, I knitted the most enormous scarf for my mum. It went on for ever :)
Kept my hands busy!

I'm still lurking and on day 4 today.. determined not to have a wobble. I feel no better yet and look like death but keep telling myself everyday minus alcohol is a step closer to a healthy life. I have a call booked today with the doctor. I'm going to ask for some anti depressants (a huge step for me) .. a nasty event that triggered the drinking and has continued to cause me what I believe to be post traumatic stress disorder needs addressing. The attitude I have towards the wine and my f*ck it attitude is related to the events that happened in my life 3 years ago and it was around Christmas time. I'm reminded every year about the pain and mental state I was in 😕 I need to break this cycle not just for me but for my children to. I see big changes afloat and I'm ready to tackle whatever comes! Bit deep for a Wednesday morning... as you were ladies 😆

@Rupertpenrysmistress - gosh I know what you mean about anxiety at 3am! I've had an hour last night & nothing night before. It's really bad. I'm so tired. I saw my GP Monday & she's out me on Pengablin for stress..... I guess if that's going to help me, it may take a while to kick in. Anyone had experience of it?

@fenulla - Good morning & thank you.

I am aware of pregablin as I am a nurse never taken it. I think the effects are relatively quick not a build up if you see what I mean.

From my experience it's normal to feel awful for a few days, and what I have been telling myself when I wake up like this is, at least this is not alcohol induced it's the effect of me trying to help my body, sounds silly makes me feel better. Hope everyone has a positive day.

@htfdth I'm in a similar place. Day 4 - not feeling amazingly better yet, but looking forward to the positivities of the future and healthy life. Also, I have a f*ck it attitude to wine that I need to lose and I need to do this for my children.

@GrazingSheep please keep jumping in to make us all think about our decisions and consider what is best for us.

Good luck everyone!

I have found that the difference between feeling absolutely crap physically and morally, and feeling generally more "successful"/happy and optimistic, is about 2 weeks of consistently doing the right things.

^ So what I mean by that is that there is time for us all to get ready for our best Xmas ever! One with plenty to celebrate!

@JoNeedshelp there isn't an edit button, sadly 😃

@coodawoodashooda If you're an over drinker but not an alcoholic, drinking is just a habit that you've practiced a lot and therefore got really good at. Much like the way you clean your teeth twice a day without thinking too much about it, you can drink without too much effort (though the reward of alcohol creates it a very strong habit).

And as you're the one who taught yourself how to drink (usually at trigger points/times of day/locations) you can unteach yourself too.

I would start by interrupting the automatic habit flow by inserting a pause before you drink (before you pour a drink, before you accept a drink, before you put the glass to your lips) and ask simply: why do I want this drink? Just sit with that for a moment, bring the drinking to your full consciousness.

I found this difficult because I was so used to the action of drinking that I did it without much thought.

There's other stuff I can suggest on the back of this, but this is a good place to start.

Christmas is a great time to start because you'll be put in situation after situation where you can find out why you drink and start to inspect what's really driving it.

Hope this helps. Happy to answer questions

@Alcemeg - this!! Whoo! I feel so good now, time to fuck it all up." But I really think I've had enough. This is exactly what I do. @fenulla - thanks for the welcome.

@Rupertpenrysmistress - I am a registered nurse too although don't work clinically anymore. I remember my early days on surgical wards, all the people coming in with pancreatitis, usually after a 2 week holiday of constant drinking and thinking "why do they do it" and here I am, 30 years later, messing my life up.

I'm supposed to be working so sorry for not name checking everyone but here's to an alcohol free day.

@nzeire

Ok, here’s my story.

Nine years ago after many false starts (over a few years) I did it. I stopped drinking alcohol, and have not touched a drop since.

I was sick of being ugly. Bloated, red, angry, belidgerent(sp), anxious, depressed and so very ashamed.

The day I stopped I absolutely knew it was different to the previous, failed attempts. I had made my peace with the fact I could not ever drink again and just got on with it.

Group counselling
Individual counselling
Jason vale, stop drinking book
NLP
White knuckling

Nothing worked until I said enough, right now, today. Not Monday, not next year, not after this party. No excuses. I told EVERYONE so I couldn’t back out. I got my doctor to prescribe naltrexone (google it, it saved my life), took it for 3 weeks and had intense therapy throughout, and afterwards

Don’t compare yourself to anyone, don’t ever congratulate yourself that you are not that bad. You are posting here, in the horrors, it’s bad.

Happy to share more if anyone wants to hear it :) I am proof, it can be done. I didn’t stop my life in the slightest, can still party with the rest of them, I’m still fun. Everyone still drinks around me, my husband drinks every day.

I do me and I’m fucking proud of myself :)

Thanks for this, wise words! 🙌

Hi everyone. I'm on holiday from work, in so bored/lonely. I'm really going to try, this will be my day 1. I'm going shopping today then I'm planning on going for a swim this evening at the time when wine o clock sets in. Really need to make changes in my life get out more, meet new friends, sitting at home guzzling wine isn't helping .

@Stuckhere2021 - I'm not sure what you mean. Do you mean a 2 week holiday of binge drinking every day. Or do you mean hadn't had a drink for 2 week's. My pancreatitis was so out of the blue. I didn't know what it was. Or that I drank enough to have any alcohol related illness 😔

[quote JoNeedshelp]@Stuckhere2021 - I'm not sure what you mean. Do you mean a 2 week holiday of binge drinking every day. Or do you mean hadn't had a drink for 2 week's. My pancreatitis was so out of the blue. I didn't know what it was. Or that I drank enough to have any alcohol related illness 😔[/quote]
@JoNeedshelp - going on holiday and drinking excessively every day. Acute pancreatitis was quite common in the surgical wards. Not saying that is the case with you but just acknowledging it's not a pleasant thing - the insidious nature of alcohol, especially for women, god knows the damage I've done to myself. It can also be a viral thing or gallstones.

@stuckhere2021
I don't seem to be able to tag you 🤔

No I realise it wasn't aimed at me in a personal way.
I had two acute attacks before chronic. I have never known pain like it. I was almost screaming I was crying so hard with pain.

Been in and out of hospital this year... and I'm still drinking!
I have to quit somehow.
I never had kid's but I've heard people say that the acute pancreas pain was worse then child birth!

You can see from my user name that I feel your pain. I adopted this user name maybe two years ago. Between then and now I guess I've stopped for a while two or three times. I always went back because I felt, ok, I can moderate now. Yay! Except after a week I was back where I was.
Three months ago I properly stopped. I honestly think I'm never going to drink again. I can't really pinpoint what's different this time. But something inside me is. Maybe you just have to reach that point. There was no rock bottom moment, just a sense that enough was truly enough. I had to change to make the most of my life.
And after 3 months, I do feel great. Sleep well, no more 3 am wakings, lost a stone, skin looking radiant, and SO much more time in my life to do real things - I'm reading more, I'm playing a musical instrument for fun and getting better every day. Stuff that is meaningful for me. Before I would just waste my evenings because... wine.
Last night was a huge milestone for me because I went out for a professional Christmas dinner event and I drank sparkling water. All good, wasn't even tempted... although friends were trying to push me onto the wine. I felt like I had really passed a threshold and I was super happy about it. I now feel confident that I can "do" Christmas.
The things that have helped me:

1. Finding some good "wine o'clock" substitutes. I like grapefruit juice and sparkling water, or mixing drinks with various alcohol free "spirits" I'm trying (at the moment I like Lyre various ones). The important thing for me was finding the ritual that helped me replace that 6pm habit of opening the wine. Something that signalled the end of the day and the start of relaxing home time.
2. Reading helpful books. I liked The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober for the relatable story, and Alcohol Lied to Me for the useful facts and change of mindset.
3. Keeping myself accountable. I liked using the "Sober Starts Today" 100 day journal (nearly finished it! Will probably buy another one to keep going on it). Space to keep your thoughts and think about your challenges in brief diary style and track your progress, plus some good mocktails. Also tracks your money savings (encouraging!)

Hope this helps. Good luck! It's really worth it.

@JoNeedshelp - yes, the pain is excruciating. I’ve been “lucky” so far in that I don’t seem to have any issues with my organs (although you never know) although I do have high blood pressure and it goes through the roof when I drink. Family history of stroke too - it’s crazy what we put ourselves through!

Someone on another group I am a member of got diagnosed with cancer the other day which makes me feel so guilty for knowingly abusing my body. It stops now!

Try using a capital S to tag me.