I am done. Anyone fancy joining me?

[Rupertpenrysmistress]

So I have an alcohol problem. Have done for years, Christmas may not be the best time to stop but I have to. It's killing me and destroying my family. I will take today to make my plan. I already have all the quit books just need to do it now.

Any long term sober people have any tips for me? I guess at the moment it's hour by hour.

That's brilliant Rupertpennysmistress well done

@Rupertpenrysmistress they're 9 months old (twins). Yes, hangovers have been difficult with them! It's not something I want to continue. Also, want to be healthy for them. I also worry about internal damage from drinking. It's not something you know if you've done or not!

I have fallen
I absolutely cannot say "no" of my poison is in the house and I have a craving

@fenulla

I have fallen I absolutely cannot say "no" of my poison is in the house and I have a craving

Yes I think the trick is not to have it in the house! Or not in the fridge, where it lurks to tempt. (Except that I found a quick way round that with ice cubes.

Tomorrow's another day @fenulla, don't beat yourself up.

Today for me was hangover day 2 after the drinks on Saturday night. Honestly, nowadays recovery from a session is a 3-day convalescence. Day 1 = feel like crap, aching, tired. Day 2 = feel weak and tired. Day 3 = the danger zone, when I often fancy another drink. Once I get past Day 3, things get a lot easier.

I like listening to Lucy Lismore on YouTube. Her content is not directly related to alcohol, but what she says about building healthy habits is original and helpful.
www.youtube.com/channel/UCRhNwnpu9OjqPx9acwzsfiQ

I think I’m done. I’m on holiday right now too 😬

In the past I haven’t lasted more than 2-3 weeks abstinent so I need to put my big girl pants on and reboot. My health is suffering and I want to feel good.

I’m what I’d call a habitual drinker. I drink pretty much every day but not to the point I’m “drunk”. I could go through 4-5 bottles of wine a week but it’s usually around the 3-4/week . My units per week would be frightful though. If there’s no wine in the house I’ll swap to spirits to help unwind.

I don’t think my partner knows how much I drink per week but he’d be shocked and pretty disappointed with me.

Morning all, just peeping in here as I need to do same too. Have the booze blues this morning and am sick and tired of feeling like this. Why on Earth do I do it to myself?

Trouble is, bastard DH refuses to not buy it. I am doomed
He says "well
Don't drink it if you don't want to"

@fenulla

Trouble is, bastard DH refuses to not buy it. I am doomed He says "well Don't drink it if you don't want to"

Great advice. If only I could actually not do it as I definitely don’t want to right now, however come 6pm it will be a whole different story.

Exactly Cheermonger

I've just completed a "run" and feel a bit better
Another Day 1

Great work Fenulla I am in awe. Hope you are feeling better this morning now. I agree with everything on here, if it's in the house I drink it 🤔. I am probably going to have a few drinks between Xmas and new year and start properly in January. I know some people will tell me to stop now and perhaps I should but, this is my plan. I feel good at the moment but think Xmas is to stressful to stop.

I would love to keep this thread going though so we can support each other.

You’ve probably read it, but Alan Carr’s book (not the comedian) is what did it for me.

Eight years sober. I craved alcohol for 18 months to two years after, and then the cravings stopped. The smell of alcohol now makes me gag! It takes time for your brain and body to adjust and you will want to reach for a drink, but they cravings should go eventually. If your DH insists on buying, he must lock it away and only he have access to the key. If it is in the house, you will drink it.

I was a heavy drinker from 15-34. If I can do it, you can too. Wishing you all the luck in the world. It’s one of the best things I ever did.

www.amazon.co.uk/No-More-Hangovers-revolutionary-Easyway-ebook/dp/B07DCXD1LN/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&crid=GI1LIAJXPZ12&keywords=no+more+hangovers&sprefix=No+more+ha%2Cstripbooks%2C147&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1639468221&sr=1-1

Good luck everyone you can do it. I’m not tee total but I broke the habit of being a very heavy drinker a few years back, reading various books now I really can take it or leave it and go for long periods of sobriety, drinking moderately on occasions and haven’t been drunk in years.

My top tip is get dinner early to avoid that five o clock wine feeling. Once I got passed dinner every night I was in the clear.

Also do some self meditation/hypno/mantras to reaffirm. Just a few minutes a day. On top of the books that is. This will increase will power.

You’ll have loads of time and energy. The problem then becomes what you do with it all. You will need new interests. Otherwise life can get s bit tedious and you might turn to alcohol again.

Whilst my friends are out on the lash or getting shit faced at home (and thinking it completely normal) socialising for me changed. Be prepared for that. Without beer goggles on, parties do not seen quite the same. You’ll be able to maintain your friendships in less time, if that makes sense, rather than lingering for hours talking in a pub of whatever talking crap.

You’ll get to see how dependent people are on booze, it’s so normalised. And then feel sorry for people who are still caught in the trap.

You’ll know you’re over it when you stop feeling the need to have a substitute like nosecco or no alcohol wine, as a water or tea is what you’d normally drink and you don’t see the point on pretending. Drinking gallons of soft drinks as a substitute really loses its appeal.

You might need some new friends who will do things with you other than want consume wine all night. Although you can still have fun with them too. Your drinking friends might not like you as much and will think you’re boring. Your not drinking will make them feel uncomfortable.

You might start getting up earlier. Revert to previous comment about having time on your hands.

You’ll definitely want some new hobbies.

Wishing you all well!! Xxx

I am probably going to have a few drinks between Xmas and new year and start properly in January. I know some people will tell me to stop now and perhaps I should but, this is my plan

Please reconsider your plan
Re-read your first post where you say that drinking is killing you and destroying your family.

@fenulla

I've just completed a "run" and feel a bit better Another Day 1

I think you did really, really well to make yourself move. Movement is definitely part of the way forward.

Thank you for the encouragement, @MynameisWa! I can really see how it helps to have dinner earlier. Then you're settled for the evening and don't feel that weird urge to let everything slide.

That Lucy Lismore I mentioned (YouTube), when talking about her weight loss, said "Weight loss is a side effect of prioritising yourself." I think the same could be said of not drinking. There's a whole stack of core beliefs to unpick, but in the meantime just deliberately creating new daily habits is the way forward.

Ok lots to think about. That is why I love MN as you get lots of advice and I guess I need to listen. I have not made any plans yet re drinking over Christmas. It's such a difficult thing. I just already feel like I will fail. Like the suggestion of making dinner earlier as that is definitely a trigger for me.

I do want to quit and get healthy, just worried about failing again. Thank you all for the advice I really am listening.

There is no way I can entertain the idea of moderate drinking. It's antithetical to recognising and addressing my addiction
I'm so pleased you started this group and I'm really grateful to be a part of it

I over drank for years. Never an alcoholic but in the end I was utterly fed up with all the drinking thinking. I worked on killing my desire to drink (rather than using willpower) and it worked. I now have a 'take it or leave it' attitude to alcohol and - wonder of wonders - just don't really want to drink at all. Being ambivalent to the booze has been so revolutionary to me that I became a life coach and help others do the same thing. Having been through this I wanted to just add my support to your journey.

@Rupertpenrysmistress you question whether Christmas is a good time to start... I say it is exactly the right time to start. Life is messy, there are always lots of reasons why tomorrow will be better. You are already showing courage by deciding to just start and not treating Christmas as an excuse. This is a brilliant beginning and shows that you will do it. Happy to answer questions as they come up.

A
Good day 1.

@brightspice

I over drank for years. Never an alcoholic but in the end I was utterly fed up with all the drinking thinking. I worked on killing my desire to drink (rather than using willpower) and it worked. I now have a 'take it or leave it' attitude to alcohol and - wonder of wonders - just don't really want to drink at all. Being ambivalent to the booze has been so revolutionary to me that I became a life coach and help others do the same thing. Having been through this I wanted to just add my support to your journey.

@Rupertpenrysmistress you question whether Christmas is a good time to start... I say it is exactly the right time to start. Life is messy, there are always lots of reasons why tomorrow will be better. You are already showing courage by deciding to just start and not treating Christmas as an excuse. This is a brilliant beginning and shows that you will do it. Happy to answer questions as they come up.

Any tips? I can manage this but not sustain it for more than a couple of months.

Hi everyone- can I join pease? Back to square one for me 😞. Massive bender at the weekend so day 2 for me (as it’s after midnight) but I can’t sleep as I feel so rough and anxiety through the roof. I keep saying “this is the last time” then I get a couple of weeks and hit the fuck it button. Everyone is so pissed off at me for going on a bender again just when my DD and DS were talking to me again after the last one. I can go out and not drink or sit with my husband while he has a few beers - it’s drinking bloody vodka “in secret” that’s my problem- only it’s not so secret when I’m rolling around in the floor drunk. Trying so hard and grateful to hear from people that have managed to stay off it.

I too was posting on the sober thread but now I’m embarrassed to go back admit my defeat. Even though people are really supportive on it. It’s just absolute madness what I am doing to myself and my family and I just hope and pray I can stay stopped this time. Managed 33 days a while back which is the most in over 25 years. Parents both alcoholics. Sister has dependency for years but I’m worse than her now. I’m terrified my DC will also develop alcohol problems although they are old enough to drink but don’t drink to excess. The irony is that me and DH used to have a great old time going to beer gardens, parties in our house etc but now my drinking has spoiled all that as he’s too scared for me - although it looks like potentially another lockdown coming out way. So sick of covid too - working from home has completely changed my job and I really hate it but I’ve been off sick a lot this year (alcohol and mental health) so I think I would struggle to get a new one with the salary we need for the mortgage.

Anyway enough rambling - just another 4 hours until I sit at the laptop hating every minute. Wish me luck and Hope everyone else is doing ok

Ok, here’s my story.

Nine years ago after many false starts (over a few years) I did it. I stopped drinking alcohol, and have not touched a drop since.

I was sick of being ugly. Bloated, red, angry, belidgerent(sp), anxious, depressed and so very ashamed.

The day I stopped I absolutely knew it was different to the previous, failed attempts. I had made my peace with the fact I could not ever drink again and just got on with it.

Group counselling
Individual counselling
Jason vale, stop drinking book
NLP
White knuckling

Nothing worked until I said enough, right now, today. Not Monday, not next year, not after this party. No excuses. I told EVERYONE so I couldn’t back out. I got my doctor to prescribe naltrexone (google it, it saved my life), took it for 3 weeks and had intense therapy throughout, and afterwards

Don’t compare yourself to anyone, don’t ever congratulate yourself that you are not that bad. You are posting here, in the horrors, it’s bad.

Happy to share more if anyone wants to hear it :) I am proof, it can be done. I didn’t stop my life in the slightest, can still party with the rest of them, I’m still fun. Everyone still drinks around me, my husband drinks every day.

I do me and I’m fucking proud of myself :)

Placemarking

@nzeire

Ok, here’s my story.

Nine years ago after many false starts (over a few years) I did it. I stopped drinking alcohol, and have not touched a drop since.

I was sick of being ugly. Bloated, red, angry, belidgerent(sp), anxious, depressed and so very ashamed.

The day I stopped I absolutely knew it was different to the previous, failed attempts. I had made my peace with the fact I could not ever drink again and just got on with it.

Group counselling
Individual counselling
Jason vale, stop drinking book
NLP
White knuckling

Nothing worked until I said enough, right now, today. Not Monday, not next year, not after this party. No excuses. I told EVERYONE so I couldn’t back out. I got my doctor to prescribe naltrexone (google it, it saved my life), took it for 3 weeks and had intense therapy throughout, and afterwards

Don’t compare yourself to anyone, don’t ever congratulate yourself that you are not that bad. You are posting here, in the horrors, it’s bad.

Happy to share more if anyone wants to hear it :) I am proof, it can be done. I didn’t stop my life in the slightest, can still party with the rest of them, I’m still fun. Everyone still drinks around me, my husband drinks every day.

I do me and I’m fucking proud of myself :)

I don't want to give up alcohol forever but then i read your post and wonder why on earth i wouldn't. Have you managed to replace the 'occasion' of it? That's i think what i miss.

What might you rather do in the evening.
Having something planned helps me - I can't read a good book, do some craftwork, even do a jigsaw after a few drinks - what I can di is loll in front of the tv not remembering what I've watched.

I find listening to 'old music' makes me want a drink - I think it's partly the emotions aroused by stuff from my teens and, I don't know, it just makes me want a drink.