Day 1 for anyone just starting out

[Justdonthavethefirstone]

Hi all. This is my day 1. I have joined some other threads for support but thought I would start a new one for anyone just starting out on this journey. I have a drink problem. It got worse over lockdown.i have had day 1 before and failed but this time I am starting off prepared. I have books to read. I have joined Mumsnet for support and have told my family and friends.

Hi, can I join in please? Today has been day 1, I've thought about alcohol the entire day!
Typical story, probably drunk too much for years. Try and have a couple or three nights off a week but feeling very deprived and then guzzle glass after glass of wine or Prosecco on the other 4 or 5 nights. Sick of the hangovers, sick of not being able to lose weight, horrible anxiety etc etc.

Not sure where I'm going with this at the moment, forever feels like too scary and big but I'm going for 90 days to start with. The most I've done over the past years has been maybe 10-12 days (and that's been once twice or three times!). That sounds bad writing down.

My internal monologue is arguing with itself constantly over whether I really need to do this but I guess the fact it bothers me so much to stop for a while speaks volumes.

@writingsonthewall are you me?! That’s exactly what I am like! Also haven’t gone more than 2 or 3 weeks without a drink my whole adult life (I’m 33!) congrats on starting, from the sounds of it the first few weeks are the toughest so I’m going to aim for a week as my first target good luck xx

@maloney123 well done!!
@writingsonthewall welcome.
I'm day 7, and this is the longest I've managed in years, this thread has really helped me.
Fingers crossed for sleep tonight for me, Dr should be ringing tomorrow, hopefully I can get something prescribed

Well done maloney! Welcome writingswell done on your day 7 newist I hope the doc can help with your sleep

@noel66 thank you, I hope I can be given something
I'm sat here wide awake.
It's so tempting to have a glass of something, but I'll be so angry at myself tomorrow
7 days is a big achievement for me.

Morning everyone and welcome @writingsonthewall I think we can all nod along (heads nodding off our bodies) relating to your and others stories. It is a great feeling resisting after a while and I have never ever had even a week off.

Well chocolate seems to be a new addiction now and I read DHs are joining (sort of)

Newer did you get anything from the GP? And fair play to you and Maloney on day 7 and day 2.

I'm in awe ymna on 8 days no smokes. Especially with young kids. My 4 year old is starting school today (Junior Infants as we call it) I remember my 7 year old saying after 3 days starting and back to Monday again "I thought I was done with that place'

Day 36 here. Cravings are nothing like the first 3 weeks. And sleep extremely improved. My yoga has gone by the wayside but that really really helped when I felt I was going to kill for a drink. I need to get back to it as I'm such a lazy arse

Keep posting. It's just really great to hear how everyone is doing at different stages. It is a massive help to me to be able to share my thoughts to folks who understand

A new day! Well done everyone that resisted yesterday.

Maloney, you're a day ahead of me and Newist 6 days ahead (I'm jel of you both) but hopefully we can keep each other going.

It's good to read of those further ahead though too. I didn't note the name before clicking reply but thirty something days is brilliant. What I want to hear is that I'm going to think less about alcohol at some point and not feel so deprived!

I gave up smoking 10 years ago and am still amazed I did it, I never thought I would. I smoked like a chimney, first thing I did in the morning, and last thing at night. I don't give smoking a second thought anymore - ever. I want to believe I can be like that with drinking.

Orchidjewel, that was it. I am going to rely on chocolate for a bit too I think!

Thanks Noel.

Newist - on the sleep i take Nytol one a night. You can buy over the counter (not the green herbal one). It does work, but probs another addiction of mine

Writing I can promise you it absolutely does get easier. Days thinking about having a drink are fewer and fewer. 1 drink = 1000 drinks for me :)

I am definitely relying on chocolate / ice cream / anything to distract me and occupy my hands! It’s day 3 today (Wednesday) which has been a challenge for me for a long time. Hopefully I can get through today

Hi everyone, just checking in to say I'm doing well and it's definitely getting easier.
The pain in my upper right quadrant has eased, I barely notice it now, which must be good news for my liver. I keep imagining it growing new and healthy cells
All of you are doing so well! I'm reading the posts every day even if I'm not posting myself, and it's spurring me on, so thanks. I am on day 7.5.5 (ie 7 days, had a drink, 5 days, had a drink, now on day 5 & won't have a drink!) it's helped me to do it that way as I feel I've achieved something. It really is a big improvement from a daily 1.5 bottle of wine habit. I am aiming for complete sobriety, I know I can do it as had 4 months last year. Moderation is no good for me. I need to re-educate those neural pathways that say, "a glass won't hurt". It's never a glass!!!! The little voice is getting quieter though.
I'm reading Augustin Burroughs, Dry at the moment and enjoying it. Not really relating to it as he's a 25year old man who goes to rehab, but it's a good read.

Thanks orchida, it really does help to know it gets easier.

I feel good today even though only done 1 day! I imagine it won't be so easy later on.

Maloney keep going, hope you have a decent day planned. I'm off work this week so doing some decluttering at home and getting school stuff ready.

Pants- well done. I'm listening to the sober diaries on audible. Last week I listened to the unexpected joy (whilst still drinking). It feels good to have got started but also scary. I just keep telling myself I'm choosing this and I don't have to do it forever if I don't want to.

I read The Unexpected Joy last week and enjoyed it. I also recommend Mrs D is Going Without, The Truth about Alcohol by William Porter, Rachel Black, Sober is the New Black (my favourite) and Lucy Rocca, Giving Up Alcohol and Living Life in Control. Lucy Rocca also has a website called Soberistas which is brilliant. I found Quit Lit really helpful last year, and am reading a lot now too.

Good recs, thanks I will definitely give some of them a go. I'm finding it helpful too to focus the mind.

Please may I join too? I am on day 13. I have made it this far several times over the past year or two but always seem to cave and drink again between day 24-28. Maybe by that point I have forgotten the reasons I wanted to stop and just want to join in when my husband is drinking.... but I really don't want it to happen again this time!

I don't drink daily but usually 3-4 nights a week... almost always wine and when I do drink I have at least a bottle, and would often still be looking for more. Alcohol is always on my mind a lot when I am drinking and it just isn't healthy. There is a lot of alcoholism in my family and it scares me.

I absolutely HATE the 4am wakeup with a raging thirst, sweats and racing heart and the struggles the next day. I also need to lose 2 stone because none of my clothes fit! I have definitely reached the age where my weight is getting much harder to control, having always been effortlessly slim pre-kids. It is starting to affect my skin too in terms of redness and a couple of broken veins appearing. I have always looked young for my age and vain as it may sound really don't want that to change due to the grog!

I am feeling good and seem to be reaching the stage of ridiculous happiness and optimism about being alcohol-free.... I am certainly starting to feel some benefits on terms of my sleep and mood. I just need to keep it going! I really think the accountability of joining a thread may help....

Well done @CosmoFluff and @writingsonthewall ! Two weeks is a long way off for me at the moment but hopefully I’ll get there. I’m happy with moderation but to start with I want to really break the habit and get back to just enjoying a glass or two at the weekend ie not thinking about alcohol all the time!

I keep saying to myself “nobody wakes up the next day and regrets not having a drink” as someone said earlier in this thread and it’s really so true.

I’m off this week too so trying to find ways to keep busy - lots of reading!

Well done Cosmo. Day 13 is a distant dream at the minute for me!

I'm scared I can't moderate and need to stop altogether. I don't want to as I love drinking (!! Don't we all?) but I wonder if it will always be a slippery slope. I guess that's why I want to do a decent break (aiming for 90 days to start with) and then I'm hoping I won't want it anymore. But we'll see. All the best laid plans and all. It's day 2 and a struggle already

Welcome Cosmo day 24 for me. Longest I've ever done I think

Thank you both! I really do feel like I have almost reached that amazing point of genuinely not wanting to drink. I just hope it lasts! It has taken a long time but reading books has really helped me to put things in perspective....Quit Like A Woman, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober (which I am loving).... I am also on Soberistas under the same name (although don't really post on there, just lurk!) and some of the people on there have really inspirational stories. The "ask the doctor" section is also good for a scary reality check if needed!

One thing that has really shifted for me lately is recognition that I don't want the actual experience of drinking all evening and the consequences that come with it.... what I ACTUALLY want is that first drink buzz. But that feeling lasts next to no time at all. That for me is the best and only truly enjoyable bit.... I don't enjoy bumping into things, having slurred conversations later that I will half forget, the hangover and anxiety... I am messing up day after day of my life for a fleeting sensation that lasts for maybe an hour at most. It is not worth it!

Another thing that REALLY helps me is to focus on how I want to feel the next morning. I absolutely love walking up and realising that I am sober. The first thing I do each morning is record the day in the Dry January app (which you can use all year round) and have a look at how many units and calories I have saved. I really look forward to doing it and it does seem to help.

Apart from pregnancies I have never, ever made it past 30 days.... I am determined that this time will be it! I have caved in several times previously after a few weeks sober because I want to join in on days when my husband has wine, but I just need to keep telling myself that it is a fake connection which in reality does our relationship no good. Sober is better!

Good luck all... we can do it, and have so much to gain!

Sounds like you are doing brilliantly Cosmo should of said longest I've ever done apart from when I was pregnant. Very wise words about the first drink buzz.

P.s. I have also spent YEARS attempting to moderate... like probably many of us, it has revolved around increasingly complicated rules (only drink on these particular days, don't drink before x time, only drink two glasses of wine, only drink beer because wine is the problem, alternate each wine with water, try very weak g&t instead, only drink on special occasions, only have a whisky just before bed...) it is bloody exhausting! And it means that I am thinking about booze constantly! For me.I feel like it is so much easier just not to... not to even entertain the idea or let it in my head. I have admittedly still been thinking about booze a lot these past 2 weeks but more in a "thank goodness I haven't had any, isn't life so much better" kind of way that actually makes me feel good about things, rather than "oh god I need a drink". I just hope it lasts.... I don't want to start feeling complacent as for me that is danger territory!

Thank you. I am jealous of your number of days - that is amazing (and where I have previously got complacent and caved). Keep going! It is inspirational, in all seriousness.... I love hearing from people further on than me and picturing myself there!

Welcome to all the newbies like orchid said we can all identify with what you say. Alcohol is life draining it literally takes from you. I am day 24 and this time (my 5th attempt) feels different I don't know why, I don't think about drink at all I do still occasionally think ooh 1 glass would be nice but, of course it would be at least several glasses, I would then wake up at 3am (always bloody 3am!!) Full of remorse and promises and horrible horrible anxiety.

The positives for me so far, my sleep is great (took 3 weeks to settle), my skin looks amazing, I can actually see my eyes are not really red. I have lost weight and best of all I have managed to stop my anti depressants!!

Next I need to look at diet and exercise but one thing at a time,I am eating alot of chocolate.

This thread is great for support we can all do this together.

Thanks Rupert! Yes, you are so right.... I often dream of one lovely glass of wine, but it never ever is (just one), and I can just no longer cope with the after-effects and the impact on my health, weight and everything. I just need to keep telling myself that if I could manage to just have one I wouldn't be in this position at all. Well, I can manage one sometimes, but not every time, and even if I stop at one I never really want to and always hanker after more. I just don't drink in a healthy way (although is there a truly healthy way I wonder?)

I think I have actually gained weight over the 13 days so far as I have just been eating EVERYTHING, but like you said, one thing at a time.... I do need to think about my weight soon though as nothing fits! I'm not enormous (11st 3 at 5"8) but I can't get into most of my size 12 clothes any more... and my stomach is huge! Until a few years ago I was always 9 st ish and a size 10. I'm sure almost all of it is due to booze, and hungover snacking on unhealthy things. Tomorrow will be two weeks exactly, so maybe time to think about a bit of portion control too....

@CosmoFluff I totally agree on the first drink buzz thing! That’s the only part I like! But always keep chasing it by having more and more to drink.

The sober feeling the next day is brilliant. You’ll soon drop weight with losing the alcohol calories and the hangover calories and you’ve curbed your cravings a bit

A few more hours and I’ll have done 3 days for the first time in....a long time. Baby steps!