Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Alcohol support

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Help! What do you say when you've given up alcohol that's not just a temporary excuse?

30 replies

bettydaviseyes1 · 14/06/2020 09:58

What are your best responses for when people ask-

Why are you not drinking anymore?
You not having a drink tonight?
Awk one wont hurt.
Just have one.
You're no fun!
So you're NEVER drinking again? (Horrified/shocked face)

I wouldnt say I was addicted to alcohol, family/friends are all big drinkers so I fitted in well without appearing to drink too much. Although I am the butt of the wine jokes as they all know I like(d!!!) my wine so they'll be shocked/not believe it's going to last. They can be quite scathing of non drinkers, laugh off serious things like harm done through drinking and always pushing each other to drink or drink more. And I was there laughing and encouraging too! But lockdown had increased my drinking and made me re evaluate.

I need a response that doesnt appear holier than though/high and mighty. Also one that stops probing questions!

I have given up alcohol for physical and mental health reasons. Day 25.

OP posts:
Worrysaboutalot · 14/06/2020 10:02

Tell them you can't drink, with your long term meds.

That is why I probably won't ever have a drink again, as my pain meds are not compatible with alcohol and I would rather have less pain than risk a drink

dustyphoenix · 14/06/2020 10:02

Congrats on giving it up! Do you think you'd feel comfortable saying you just don't enjoy it anymore?

Original poster
bettydaviseyes1 · 14/06/2020 10:02

Bump :)

OP posts:
balloonsintrees · 14/06/2020 10:04

Normally that I'm driving, or just don't fancy it.

Have been dry now for 20 years - half my life. It was tricky to begin with, but keep repeating and people will stop asking.

Still crave it on some days, that is the most difficult but.

wishing3 · 14/06/2020 10:04

You could say that you’ve started getting horrific hangovers and have decided it’s not worth it so you’ve given up.

balloonsintrees · 14/06/2020 10:05

*bit

Original poster
bettydaviseyes1 · 14/06/2020 10:05

@dustyphoenix

I've thought about this and I think it's a great response, no lying about health issues etc but I can see them getting very defensive and its dealing with the comments after, I need a strategy!

I think that only people who are insecure about their own drinking get defensive and I was one of them! "Live a little, you're no fun, not drinking is boring" I wonder if the best thing after my first declaration is just smiling and nodding, it's so hard to know

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 14/06/2020 10:07

Just say what you’ve said. You’ve given up.

If you make excuses people will ask because they think it’s temporary or a one off.

spottystripe · 14/06/2020 10:07

I don't drink anymore for various reasons. People can be quite pushy I just say 'No thank you.' And if they push it I add 'I don't want to' I don't feel I should have to justify or make an excuse for why I don't drink. If the answer is no thank you then I expect my friends and family to respect that.

VaTeLaverLesMains · 14/06/2020 10:10

I usually say I feel loads better without it. Or you've finally found the cure for a hangover. It's like not having a social media presence, people will get over it eventually.

AnyFucker · 14/06/2020 10:11

I stopped drinking alcohol in early April. I was redeployed to a stressful 2 on/2 off shift pattern. I could see me rewarding myself "weekend" destressing wine every couple of days and it was clear that every day would be the same in lockdown.

So I decided to give it up. I don't really care what people say, I just tell them the truth.

VaTeLaverLesMains · 14/06/2020 10:12

Oh and remember to have more fun without alcohol, it's the best defence to being called boring.

DonaldJTrumpet · 14/06/2020 11:09

Today is my first day of not drinking... again. I can completely understand where you are coming from.

Every time I stop (and it is genuinely the reason) I say that I cannot continue how I was. I lost every Monday recovering from a hangover from Friday or Saturday night. That meant my work productivity was down 20% every week. The existential crises that come from drinking too much are more than my head can handle. It's not good for me and I struggle to moderate.

Lockdown has got me drinking everyday of the week. Fat, carb hungry to drown my hangover and miserable drowning my sorrows. Not for me.

If you say something like that, I think heavy drinkers get it and won't push you.

wonkytonkwoman · 14/06/2020 11:16

I stopped about 7 years ago after yet another awful hangover and my mental health was suffering, although I didn't realise that it was the alcohol that was the primary cause.

I just tell new people that I don't drink. Most of the people I knew when i was drinking aren't in my life any more (funny, that) and those who are I just tell them the truth and that works for me.

Etinox · 14/06/2020 11:22

I stopped 10 years ago with AA. I usually say it made me really anxious now, which is true and only an arse would then push it. But it has lead to good spreading the message to fellow alcoholics.

mencken · 14/06/2020 11:24

change your friends, no need to associate with this bunch of arseholes.

alcohol never made anyone more fun or less boring. The only genuinely boring people are the drunk and drugged.

Moondust001 · 14/06/2020 11:24

If the only people you know think you are weird or no fun if you don't drink alcohol, you maybe need to think about giving up the people as well.

HelmutShmacker · 14/06/2020 11:27

@Moondust001 hit the nail on the head.

Original poster
bettydaviseyes1 · 14/06/2020 11:42

@Moondust001

They're my family and I love them, they have many many good points as well as their issues with alcohol, I dont want to give up my family but I dont think they'll understand, I can usually talk to them about anything but drink is a no go because they're too defensive and have their own issues

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/06/2020 11:52

Would they disown you if you don't drink alcohol ?

You don't need to take on their issues. Leave them to their own conscience. Just smile and nod, smile and nod.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 15/06/2020 22:35

"I was drinking too much in lockdown so I stopped . And actually I'm really enjoying it!" 🤷‍♀️

GreenTeaMug · 16/06/2020 20:50

I have a variety of things;

I can't I'm driving. -that inevitably means someone says 'oh you can have just one' and I always say 'my driving is crap at the best of times without adding alcohol into the mix!'.

'I'm giving it a rest for a bit.

I am doing Dry January/Dry July/ Lent

It was not doing me any favours anymore

(Truth is- it plays havoc with my anxiety. It exacerbates my insomnia and my anxiety. Plus it takes up too much thinking time. )

IronNeonClasp · 17/06/2020 01:40

That I don't drink as it doesn't agree with me.

Destroyedpeople · 17/06/2020 01:52

Stop hanging around with people like that fir a start. Are they ALL alcoholics because it sounds like it...
Just say 'I don't drink' you do not need to explain yourself.

SirTanty · 17/06/2020 02:26

I did dry January (as I often do) but this time with a mind to stay dry longer and when the time came I was happy to continue. Now almost six months in. Lockdown has made it easier as there have been no nights out and I I think if I had been drinking I’d have increased my intake through stress. Anyway, my line at the moment is that I stopped for dry January and it seems to be working well for me - less anxiety, better sleep - so I’m continuing and enjoying the results.

Is there anyone in the family you can confide in, who can be a bit of a buddy for you if things get a bit much?