Should I remove stash?

[idontknoww]

I'm living with a suspected alcoholic (family, older than me) in lockdown. No way to leave the house as I don't drive. Had some problems with how much they drank before. A bottle or more of wine almost every night. But now I've found vodka ( I think about a bottle every two weeks ish but don't know). I don't know how to talk to this person about it, I don't know what to do. Should I remove this stash? I can't remove the wine but the vodka? Please give me advice on this and how to deal with living with a functioning alcoholic in general. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this, I care so so much about this family member.

I wouldn’t advise removing the stash. Alcoholics tend to get a bit pissed off when their next drink is gone. And if you remove the vodka they may just open a second bottle of wine and end up drinking more anyway.

You can’t make an alcoholic stop drinking. All you can do is tell them you are concerned, how much they mean to you and ask them if they would like to seek support to stop or cut down.
There is support form AA for family members, there is a freephone helpline (link below) you could phone when out for a walk. So sorry you have to deal with this, I have alcoholics in my family. It’s tough.

www.al-anonuk.org.uk

It is not up to you to police an adult's drinking however much you want to.

I would contact al anon to get advice on what to do and how to deal with it.

Presumably there is nothing stopping this person going out and buying more, so there is very little point getting rid of it.

If you are not already, the things you can do are never to drink with them, never to buy booze for them and never give them money to buy more.

It is really hard living with an alcoholic and especially so if they are in denial. The three C’s of Alanon are:

You didn’t Cause this
You can’t Control this
You can’t Cure this

Please don’t waste your life trying to fix the alcoholic. You will hear it a million times but it is always true: you can’t help an alcoholic unless they want help. You could get details of AA meetings, local addiction counsellors or rehab facilities and maybe try talking to this person about your concerns. BUT, expect a tricky/angry reaction (don’t do this if they are an aggressive drunk). Afterwards, detach and look after yourself and leave them to do what they decide to with your conversation.

Good luck