Dad's death today

[Lotty32]

Very very sad but been on the cards for a long time (in and out of hospital all his year, kidney failure and covid!) peaceful death and I said my goodbyes last week when he was very with it!

So will be a tricky time but very pleased to be newly sober (57 days today!) my younger sister just posted a post with my dads fav drink - I just felt a bit fed up with her! AIBU? I know she's v upset too!

Sorry to rant

So sorry for you loss

She is having the drink in memory of him, I get that, but not really appropriate to post it, given he was an alcoholic & you are recently sober. Is she aware you have given up & did she know you also had issues? Does she have alcohol issues?

However, we all grieve in different ways, she needs to do it by posting publicly-many people think this is crass and in bad taste but, social media is a big part of some people’s normal life and they get support from the likes and comments I suppose.

You have done brilliantly by being Day 57 sober. Maybe turn off notifications and stay off SM to avoid possible triggers? There was a poster on MN who did an AMA after 30 years sober, it was last year I think. I will find the link if you think it will be helpful?

I’m glad that you got to see you dad last week. Focus on that, mute the sm comments and stay strong. You are doing brilliantly and if you need to rant then go ahead. A problem shared & all that.

She does know about my alcoholism and I know she was celebrating his life, I'm just not sure I needed the photo! And to be fair it was just to me and other sister and my mother!

If it was just a post to your family group then, given your own issues re alcohol, it was beyond insensitive.

I hope you mum & other sister are more supportive. 57 days is amazing & you are doing brilliantly.

Thank you unravelling
She has been so incredibly supportive that I'm sure she didn't think! Then my mother showed me her lunch yesterday on FaceTime and said "sorry" for having a glass of wine and showed me! She shouldn't need to apologise but equally don't need to see it!
And also yesterday on FaceTime my brother in law was drinking in their garden and pouring more wine - and whilst I was happy they were having fun, I didn't need to see it! Still quite a raw subject for me. If DH has some wine he'll go into a different room.
Still early days!! Another rant!!

Just wanted to say sorry for your loss and a very very big WELL DONE on being sober. Take care of yourself.

That sounds really tough, well done and take care of yourself

Thank you all x

57 days is great going Lotty! I am sure your Dad would be proud of you. If you need to avoid people around you drinking, or talking about drinking, or even showing you photos of drink ... then that's fine! Whatever it takes.

Sorry for your loss

You've done really well so far. It sounds very hard but I imagine she just didnt think. Or didnt realise how it would affect you