Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Alcohol support

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Functioning alcoholics what happened when you were able to stop?

28 replies

AllianceOfCorcles · 26/04/2020 21:38

In some respects I do well I’ve been a functioning alcoholic for at least 2 years in that time I’ve finished my phd, looked after my family and got a great network of friends.
The downside- I drink at least a bottle of wine every night it’s caused me to gained weight - a lot. I’m foggy headed and lazy in the mornings.
Are you doing much better after stopping?

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 26/04/2020 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
AllianceOfCorcles · 26/04/2020 21:53

Helpful thanks for that

OP posts:
userxx · 26/04/2020 21:54

@OhioOhioOhio Bloody hell. Why didn't the op think of that 🤷‍♂️. Simples. Addiction can be overcome if you just don't have wine in the house.

Mumdiva99 · 26/04/2020 21:57

@AllianceOfCorcles the previous poster wasn't very helpful.

I don't have any advice but I'm sure someone will be along soon. But undoubtedly if you can get the help you need of.course life will be better. Think of the damage you must be doing to your liver and all the sugar in the wine will play havoc with your blood sugar.

OhioOhioOhio · 26/04/2020 21:57

Sorry but it would be a start.

KingOfDogShite · 26/04/2020 22:00

Lost 4 stone, sorted my life out. Felt better and looked better than I had looked in 10 years.

You can do this.

Hotcuppatea · 26/04/2020 22:01

OhioOhioOhio you're ignorance breathtaking. If you don't have anything useful to contribute, why don't you fuck off to another thread.

Russellbrandshair · 26/04/2020 22:01

Op I really recommend the book “how to control alcohol” by Alan Carr. It’s excellent. It completely and utterly changed my view of alcohol overnight. Its amazing.

FusionChefGeoff · 26/04/2020 22:02

My life is amazing now I've stopped. Not just the lack of hangover and willingness to engage with my family of an evening. With the help of AA I have properly explored the reasons why I drank - I didn't realise it but my head was a total mess. And now it's not Smile

Most days. I have peace, acceptance, a genuine desire to help others, I am generally calm, tolerant, patient and happy. It was so totally worth it.

Russellbrandshair · 26/04/2020 22:02

Oh my apologies it’s called the easy way to control alcohol.

OhioOhioOhio · 26/04/2020 22:11

Yes sorry op. And pp. I'm projecting onto you about someone else. Good luck.

ishouldnotsayit · 26/04/2020 22:13

I think you need to be honest why you drink. Mine started as I was a very weight obsessed, would eat extremely healthy all day then a couple of glasses of wine from whenever I could 5pm / 6pm as a reward. It's not fattening ( well it is really)

I then stopped when I moved in with my boyfriend, but started again a few years later in a very stressful job. I used to drink a bottle a night. I felt so dehydrated in the mornings and was often a bit late for work, despite having a senior role. There were many functioning alcoholics in my department, some very much worse than me. A big drinking culture at work. White wine Wednesday / thirsty Thursday/ office drinks Friday. Regular lunchtime drinking. It was a reward for surviving another day. I am happier now and very rarely drink ( twice a year but I have to watch myself as one leads to another ) I never drink at home now. We have alcohol in the house and not an issue for me. Even alcohol I liked.

I'm not so stressed now and have my children, although at moments during homeschooling lockdown with the kids I have felt that need to binge on something like biscuits so that rewarding myself / letting myself loose control thing is still there. I certainly do the you can have a treat food reward with the kids. I think the treat yourself thing plus the drinking is the norm culture ( apart from on MN ) is a big issue.

DuchessOfBeddington · 26/04/2020 22:19

It may be dangerous to go cold turkey. Please seek medical advice.

Maybe your GP could offer a phone consultation? If so they will be able to signpost you to support that can help.

nzeire · 26/04/2020 22:20

Lighter and brighter. Slimmer, more relaxed. Kinder, calmer. Wealthier :)

8 years and I’m absolutely delighted I stopped and stayed stopped. Read everything, talk to a therapist, go to a group, find an online forum, follow sober coaches

Changed my life. Bloody hard, but worth it

Good luck

Original poster
AllianceOfCorcles · 26/04/2020 22:46

Ohio thank you 💐
Bring truthful I r always liked a drink but I now have ptsd and I limit my food all day but evenings I reward myself with food and drink.

OP posts:
Original poster
AllianceOfCorcles · 26/04/2020 22:47

I will try the book.
Am in therapy for my ptsd have been open About comfort eating but not alcohol.

OP posts:
limpbizkit · 26/04/2020 22:57

I was high functioning too and a 'binger' so it was doubly hard for me to get my head around my alcoholism. I didn't tick that many of the boxes. I could go weeks and months off mg own steam without drinking but then would lapse and go on a two day stretch of obliteration. No off switch. And repeat. Anyway I hit my own rock bottom when something I did could have harmed my family. I sought help from every avenue as attempts to stop on my own would always lead to me drinking again eventually. AA helped untangle my selfish and self seeking behaviors. It removed the desire to drink. I'm not big on the god stuff and do the steps in my own way at my own pace. Some of the people there are knobs that I wouldn't associate with in everyday life (just like real life) but attending meetings really does help keep me sober. It's a great reminder of why I can't drink. It's heartwarming to watch other people get sober too. Most importantly it's great to be a 100% functioning wife and mother and professional and always be fully present. I'm so damn grateful for my sobriety. Wouldn't swap it for the world. You can do this op. Drop the ego (us high functioning alcoholics all have one) and just attend some AA meetings. They helped me anyway. Best of luck

Umpteen · 26/04/2020 22:57

Quite a few physical improvements quickly, in the first few weeks. Better skin, hair, nails.

Calmer. Slept better and felt more rested. Lost some weight and puffiness.

I’ve been sober over four years now. Giving up really changed my life for the better.

Like pp said, read books, blogs, find sober websites, podcasts, join real or virtual groups. Different things work for different people.

For me what was difficult was trying to understand what I was drinking for ie what emotion I was wrongly squashing with booze. It all takes a lot of unpicking. Also going public with trusted friends helped me a lot at the start as it made me feel accountable to people. Also I made many attempts to quit and failed before this. I’m still not complacent now.

But good luck OP. It’s so worth it. Try it. Take it a day at a time.

Original poster
AllianceOfCorcles · 26/04/2020 23:02

I want to do it and know I should but equally there’s apart of me saying you’re doing ok as you are.
I need to do this no more excuses just get on with it

OP posts:
Umpteen · 26/04/2020 23:17

Yes I thought that for a long time - that I was doing ok. It seemed like my essential crutch, my coping strategy and I couldn’t imagine managing without it. But I really wasn’t doing ok and in fact I was in the grip of an uncontrollable compulsion and I had to stop. It took a few bad episodes and false starts before I really realised for myself that I had to stop. It’s not easy but it is worth it.

FusionChefGeoff · 27/04/2020 08:07

I have learnt that alcoholism is a progressive disease - no one starts by drinking spirits for breakfast and blackout every night - but that's what's waiting for everyone if you don't get help now.

Please call AA and they will put you in touch with a lady in your area who can talk to you about her experience and help you with your recovery.

limpbizkit · 27/04/2020 09:12

@AllianceOfCorcles I get you. I put off seeking help for a long time because I could stop drinking on my own. But then sooner or later as sure as eggs is eggs I'd drink again. And when I drank - I had no control over it. I became frightened of myself and what I was capable of. I had to drop the ego and my shame of 'everyone thinking' I was an alcoholic for attending AA and getting help. I don't care anymore. It's such a relief that I don't drink and have no desire to. I recognise myself in your posts. Something tells me you're a little way off 'giving in' you really have go to be ready to stop and want to stop desperately to be open to change xx

limpbizkit · 27/04/2020 09:17

Ps AA is full of professional people. Everyday people. Yes there are a few folk that are not very well mentally and a few rock bottom folk that are sadly at the more severe end of the spectrum but most are just everyday 'normal' people with families jobs and life (because they're sober) Ioved a particular meeting and I used to come out feeling rejuvenated. I really hope you find a way to kick this for good. Life is so much brighter without alcohol

littlemeitslyn · 27/04/2020 09:30

Fusion is right. Now sober 34 years 🤗

limpbizkit · 27/04/2020 10:57

@littlemeitslyn congratulations on 34 years. That's incredible x