Wankerbastards will upset us that try, but we will still be dry. Or dryer at a push. It's a good job we are not in a rush.

[Frouby]

Thread 6 for the Tryers to be Dryers.

Support thread for reducing alcohol, stopping alcohol, monitoring alcohol. All welcome, absolutely no judgement. Whatever your aims with alcohol come and join us here. Lots of swearing but no judging or criticising.

Previous threads dotted around but can never do clicky links.

My lovely pirate, at my house last year for the world cup. Love him and his partner like they are family. Not a single bad bone in him, he sees the best in everyone without being taken for a fool.

Hi everyone.

AF on Wednesday night and Thursday night. 1 glass of sherry tonight and 2 glasses of red. I'm done, teeth brushed, in bed.

My feet and angles are so swollen and hurt so much. I think I have hurt myself with all the drinking. It's taking me a long time to bounce back from over drinking on Tuesday. I daren't see a dr.

Oh Frouby, he is fab. And you are beautiful..

My friends are a mixture of Old Girls' School, university, NCT (sorry, this is so fucking middle class) and prep school mummies. I was terrified when we moved (when DC were 5 and 7), as I just thought I couldn't face all the 'making new friends' thing again, as I had lots of lovely friend already, thank you. Then I met several women who are now among the loveliest people I could ever hope to have met, and two of whom are among my very best ever friends.

My 20s were kind of useless, as I met XH when I was 21. I kind of drifted until we had DC (first when I was 29). My 30s were then spent having DC. It's a shame, really, that I had to fall for DP as I could be having a nice time now.

We crossed, Senseless. Hugs to you. I should not have drunk tonight. It might be coincidence that your joints hurt? Though I'd be thinking the same...

Senseless, so sorry you're feeling anxious. Well done for a moderate end of week. I hope you're feeling brighter this morning. I know nothing of swollen ankles but alcohol damage wouldn't be the first thing that sprung to mind.

Still tired. Dd2 woke me abruptly at 6:30 and although I resisted getting out of bed for a while they've both had me playing games constantly since I succumbed. Normally they slob around watching telly for a bit while I come to. Can't help but wonder if I'd find this less painful if I had been AF but I suppose the truth is there's only so much joy an adult can obtain from pretending to be a Pokémon trainer.

Taking Dd2 to a party later, at bff's house for her son's birthday. That is now our only plan after other pal and I agreed to sack off a tentative get together in favour of next weekend which yesterday felt like a relief because I couldn't face dashing off and getting back in time for party, but I'm feeling at a bit of a loose end now. Feels like a long time till bedtime!

I am tired too longest, feel very blurgh. Am super busy as well. Dropped dd at my cousins for the day dogsitting at 8am and walked her dog as shes a bit big for dd to manage (boxer). Then been to tescos, tidied round and put some washing on line and in machine. Got to go back down to cousins about 12ish, take dog and ds round lake for some dragon boat racing thing, then back home to get ready for party next door. Then got to get back down to cousins to walk dog again, then back home to party.

Not staying round long though I don't think. Have period from hell, feel tired and just want an evening on the sofa. Won't be dry but definitely not planning a soaking wet one, it's dds birthday tomorrow as well. Not doing much (shes going to cinema with her mates) and has then requested a sunday roast for her birthday tea 😁.

Hi pleease can I join this thread.......I'm coming from a different angle, so bear with. Actually tell me to bog off if you want, I'd totally get it. I'm a mum of an 18 YO DD who's a functioning alcoholic with a mod depression. Life's grim for her and us right now. In fact the futures come to a stand still for everyone. We take life day by day, not more than 48 hours ahead that's for sure. We are trying to tap into as many resources and support as possible. We can't undo the alcoholic brain change....that's too late now. But I'm keen if possible to know from any wise recovered drinkers, what was the thing that turned you / your rock bottom moment.....I don't want my DD's to be perilous, she's only 18 😢 And pretty vulnerable .....thanks!

Oh Mrs Grammaticus, I am so sorry to read what you're going through . It actually makes me feel quite tearful to read. Of course I am not going to tell you to bog off, but I don't know if I can be much help. I certainly haven't got to rock bottom and would hope not to, I am just looking for a healthier relationship with the off button. Your daughter is so young though, there surely must be every chance she can turn this around. The one thing I would say that most of us on this thread have things going on in our lives that are difficult to deal with, and alcohol is a coping mechanism. Not a great one, but the best we have available. So cutting down in alcohol is not the only challenge - it's also finding another way to cope.

Thanks @Longestlurker.....yes, she has lots going on an so no question that booze became a crutch. She has a counsellor - though not an alcohol expert and I think has offered the false reality that maybe she can revert back to 'normal' social drinking. Not helpful ☹️ Long term supported sobriety via AA Youth or similar I think likely to be the only way to be free. It's a hard message to tell an 18YO who doesn't want to hear it....so we are hoping a professional or recovered alcoholic can break that too her soon.

Mrs Grammaticus, you definitely won’t be told to bog off here. I’m so sorry to hear about your DD. 18 is such a vulnerable age anyway.
In the Catherine Grey book, The Unexpected Joy Of Being Sober, she talks about having not one rock bottom but a series of them. That’s the nature of addiction, sadly.
Most of us here are attempting to moderate to a level of normality rather than stop completely but there’s a lot of people who think that’s the hardest to achieve.
Have you come across the Catherine Grey book? It’s a very good and very useful read, and might be one for you and DD to look at.

Could I join you please?
My wine drinking used to be zero after having two kids, the smell even put me off.. my husband has continued to drink at least a bottle a night! About two years ago due to stress I thought a glass of wine would take the edge off, it did and I continued to have the occasional glass. That of course then led to two.. now I have at least two glasses a night more sometimes and feel totally rough for it the next day. I feel I'm using alcohol to block out the bad stuff and I'm worried I can't stop. My mother was an alcoholic so I'm fully aware how it can destroy you and those around you. I've had some serious knocks in the past two years, I have a husband I don't like much anymore and I'm financially stuck. I'd like to kick the wine out my life and focus on my personal brexit plan outa this hole!

Hi pink 👋🏼Come on in. I think most of us here are using alcohol to deal with difficult life stuff, or certainly have done.
Having a partner you don’t like much isn’t going to be good for your state of mind.

Frouby your pirate mate looks ace! I’m feeling a bit friendless this weekend. BF still not been in touch and actually I’m fuming with her, so it’s probably for the best.

After a week of being good and sticking to diet and no drinking I blew it last night on a pizza and bottle and a half of wine. Today’s been a write off, so I’m going AF tonight. Plus that seems to have been all it took to put on 1.5lbs which is just unfair. And it’s an entire week’s worth of units in one sitting.

Early night tonight I think, then I’ll crack on with getting my shite back together tomorrow.

Many thanks for the kind welcome. @NC4Now ....thanks for the Grey recommendation.....shall peek at that. Have managed to persuade her to try an Allen Carr Easyway drink seminar .....anyone else tried this? I think the ethos is generally about making people see the cynical marketing machine that drives consumption of booze in our society wherever we look. Also it's about minimising the loss of alcohol in a drinkers life; so you are missing out on a type of beverage in order to gain freedom and ability to be happy and do a multitude of other things. I will let you know how she gets on.

MrsG, you won't find anyone here telling you to bog off. I'm so sorry about your DD. I'm absolutely not recovered (meant to be AF today, and failed again), and it's hard enough to try to moderate when you're in your late 40s, so it must be incredibly difficult for someone younger and with even less of a sense of why she needs to turn things around. At least she has you as her mum. Please let us know what happens.

NC4, you have done brilliantly, despite last night. Did you feel different after doing five days?

Frouby, your DD's b'day plan sounds fab.

Welcome, pink. If you're only on two glasses a night, that's not too bad. I've had that tonight (due to lack of opportunity), and I am stone cold sober. I would have carried on, but I shared a bottle with DS and a friend, so that was the end of it.

Longest, having younger children is all coming back to me now. I have no idea why I didn't drink then. I'd have had every reason to.

You know what Dion, I felt immense. Almost euphoric. That sounds bonkers and I do wonder if there’s something hormonal at play too, because all week I was working 12 hour days, sleeping 6 hours a night and was full of energy, positivity and a general good groove.
I also had the swoon majorly over, well... a few blokes actually.
I was like ‘wow, if this is what quitting booze does, sign me up!’
Then it crossed my mind that the post-coil period from hell was about a fortnight ago, and I might just be looking for a mate 🤣
Anyway, I plan to do another 5 stretch next week, maybe even 6, so I’ll report back...

Then it crossed my mind that the post-coil period from hell was about a fortnight ago, and I might just be looking for a mate

🤣🤣🤣

Whatever it is, I want some of it, NC4.

Lol NC4, pesky hormones ruling our thoughts.

Its my dds birthday today, I am now mother of a 15 year old which is pretty scary. And am sure I have just dropped her off on her first date. She's gone to the cinema and was meeting a boy. She said there were a few of them going but when I dropped her at the station there was definetly only 1 lad.

Feel a bit rough, was round at ndns for her sons 16th birthday party. About 10 teenagers plus various adults. The teens were all a bit drunk, but all so grown up as well as being daft and giddy. Funny things teenagers. They so want to be grown up and independent but are still kids, blush when they talk to adults, take the mick out of each other, play around but then are so much more mature than me at 16.

Was talking to one lad, he does his gcses next year so will be 15 same as dd. He was saying his family have moved out of the village he grew up in to get away from the youths and crime and to keep him and his younger brother away from it all, because his older brother got involved in it all. He was so mature, wants to go to uni and make something of himself, but saying how easy it is to end up in a bad crowd.

Not sure what we are doing later, was going to do a roast dinner but dd doesn't fancy it and it's her pick. Just going to clean guinea pigs out and then a couple of hours on the sofa!

yeh obviously I have been behaving really well and almost forgotten wine exists I have been reading but can't put shit into words. Have massive climate change anxiety further fueled (get it?) by watching Cowspiracy. Don't do it. How can I live as a non-drinking non-smoking vegan, I hardly eat sugar for God's sake, what the hell is left?
Welcome pink and MrsG

Hi everyone.

thanks Frouby for telling us the story of your friends and exfriends! Very interesting

Flossie - sorry your confidence has taken a knock. your dh couldn't have done what he does without you doing what you do. People don't realise it. But YOU should.

And Dion you should be proud of being good natured.

NC4 - sounds as if you could be in a very good place to start up something exciting! I hope you keep us posted with any news :)

Longest - tip here :(

Welcome MrsG

Welcome thepinkp

I have been worrying that the swollen achey legs are to do with with damaged kidney or liver function. they might be; or they might be to do with eating salty crap and falling asleep on hot nights sitting up instead of in bed with feet up.

I'm so tired, battling through the day yesterday - aching and wobbly all day, taking lots of rests between doing things with the girls and in the garden.

Sorry this is all so me me me me me me. I'm taking it really easy today and I hope to get some of my mojo back. Soon. Maybe.

Hi Leaving. I get the climate change anxiety too. I worry that I didn't think about when I had children, and I worry pointlessly that I am so wrapped up in day to day stuff that I'm not doing anything to help make the massive changes that we should be making as a society.

And what if you had senseless? Would it have stopped you? I guess if we hadn’t have had kids it might have stopped the acute fears of it affecting our own. Wouldn’t have had any impact on the overall population hell. You have two? I have two primary. One adopted and one bio. The little nightmares

Climate stuff is so scary. Some friends of mine are quite activist about it and I kind of am but I don't share their optimism that we can change public opinion in time. Everyone is either very relaxed or very defeatist. It factored into my decision to stop at 2 as my awareness has grown but I probably can't say hand on heart that it would have been determinative if I'd had my heart set on three. I also still eat meat and drink milk and drive, though I try to do quite a lot less of all three. I really think we need quite radical law change and I'd vote for that - if you leave it to everyone's personal conscience you get nowhere.

Have been at picnic with dd2's new class. Funny to think they're the kids she will grow up with. They seemed a nice bunch. Slightly more down to earth than dd1's class on the whole - with a fair sprinkling of Northerners. Interesting to hear about the teenagers Frouby - hope your dd has a lovely birthday and, potentially, date!

Breached my 1/2 bottle limit yesterday. Boo. Was really nice though. I was really grumpy at kids' bedtime - mostly about the pigsty of a house and no one helping me, or even making it worse, but I did relax with wine and music and just generally having got shot of them bouncing around causing havoc.

NC4 you go girl! Look forward to hearing where your euphoria takes you. OV tends to make me very angry as well as horny - I think it had a role to play in my grump yesterday evening - and then I tip into a chasm of despair once it's over, though I am hoping this will be better on copper coil than it was on Mirena.

Dd1's party next week too, though I am hoping this will be easy enough as I have chucked money at the situation and hired the trampoline park. Just need to make a cake (ha famous last words) and find some kind of party favour for the boys who are coming because I bought a job lot of little denim bags to decorate as party bags but they are a bit girly. She turns 8, not for a few weeks really but she's fed up of everyone being on holiday for her party.

Leaving - I have two, 10 and 8. I didn't really think I would get pregnant when I agreed with ex to try. I thought we'd give it a go, grieve, and go on to thinking about something else. I can't believe I was such a dick. I don't at all regret having my children as my children, but I do feel that having them has made me very selfishly focused on my little unit and keeping our heads above water and it makes me feel like I'm not pulling my societal weight.

Longest - I have a copper coil partly because I really can't be doing with extra hormones messing with my moods. It's fine.

Mine are consistently on about the end of the world which they find hilarious. I don’t know if that’s more to do with the superhero rubbish they watch or the fact they live with a women who yells stuff like ‘may as well open more wine as the planet will be on fire in 30 years’

Leaving I did read the news of escalating tensions with Iran thinking "ah well, if we are all about to die in a nuclear war then o don't need to feel so worried about climate change after all". Fucking horrible way to think really.