Wankerbastards will upset us that try, but we will still be dry. Or dryer at a push. It's a good job we are not in a rush.

[Frouby]

Thread 6 for the Tryers to be Dryers.

Support thread for reducing alcohol, stopping alcohol, monitoring alcohol. All welcome, absolutely no judgement. Whatever your aims with alcohol come and join us here. Lots of swearing but no judging or criticising.

Previous threads dotted around but can never do clicky links.

Yay to DS, NC4. He is a star!!! 🎉

And, yes, DP is a shit. However, I have yet to master the "breezily busy" thing. I need to meet you all for a drink, so you could encourage me to tell him to piss off.

Hi everyone.

AF tonight, very tired and achey and still full of self loathing.

I don't expect to feel good tomorrow.

Dion I think you deserve better than your guy. I've had that said to me so many times - not with my current boyfriend - and I've cynically thought "yeah you find me a guy who's not at least 40% selfish lazy prick". But I'm astonished to have a boyfriend who isn't. He isn't perfect - who is - but I never doubt his kindness or loyalty to me or his sincere wish to make me feel good, whether he can be with me or not. It's so different from ex. Please don't put up with being made to feel shit. It's not big and it's not clever.

Hope you're all ok.

I'll be asleep in half an hour I hope

Senseless, that's great re AF. I'm not. However I will take in everything you have said! DP has no interest at all in making me feel good etc. That's not to say he wants me to feel bad. He is just astonishingly selfish, and only interested in how he feels. My feelings are an inconvenience at best.

Quite possibly Dion. It's possible that he's not- he's just genuinely in the zone and not getting all distracted by other stuff in the way I would like to manage but can't, but equally if it's not a priority for him it shouldn't be making you feel bad either so sack it off and do something else.

Had a nice dinner with friends. We shared a 500ml carafe and I had half a beer while one friend had an extra glass of wine. I think that's moderate? Would bloody love another beer when I get home though. Will try to resist.

Also feel a bit lame compared to high flying friends. They literally earn four times as much as me, and their partners earn at least as much as them (DH earns slightly less than me) so we are now operating in different worlds. There was a time when I felt no envy about that because I don't really have any interest in 5* hotels and original art works and so on and I have enough to pay the bills and go for coffee and dinner and gigs, which is enough for me, but I am reaching the point of feeling slightly like a mug working long hours on difficult and stressful stuff without ever really having any spare money, and it's not like I have the moral high ground really, working for this shower of bastards. But I'm stuck with it really because it's too late to go off and be a corporate hotshot even if I wanted to (I don't really). I think I want them to understand that my job is just as difficult and responsible as theirs, I'm just on rubbish money, but then it's kind of hard to explain why I made that choice. Guess it's even more like that for teachers and nurses and so on but everyone knows they do a worthwhile thing. Anyway, first world problems, I apologise.

Sorry, I missed a whole page of messages. NC4 DS woo! Dion, I think you either need to tell him to get stuffed or if you can't beat him, join him, and be equally selfish. Easier said than done.

It’s all relative really, isn’t it Longest. I have really started to notice the difference in incomes in my peer group the last few years, probably because it’s too late to be a hotshot, even if such opportunities did exist in Lancashire.

I know what you mean about feeling lame though. My friends all make a lot more than me.

I tell you what... come and hang out with me... you’ll feel like a millionaire 🤣

Haha NC4. I think it doesn't help that my neighbourhood has gone visibly downhill in the past couple of years with austerity cuts etc. Open drug dealing in the middle of the day, lots of people crashed out on spice or whatever it is, proper slums set up under the bridge I have to navigate with the kids each day, loads of tents in the park, street crime and burglaries etc out of control. It's tragic, but also kind of grim, like something out of the wire, and I can't help but wonder wtf I am doing working so hard for a lifestyle that is by no means lavish, and about to get tighter, with DH's work finally getting round to docking his pay for working reduced hours. But tb absolutely honest I don't especially want to give up all the things I like about living here and semi-retire. I could just do with everything not being such hard work!

On the positive side it appears that my local park has a free multisports camp as well as a liberal approach to drug enforcement, so childcare puzzle almost complete. Forest school can take dd2 and I am just going to tell work I'm squeezing my hours into half days working from home for a while. They owe me!

Evening all

Am not dry tonight.

Had ds sports day today. 3 hours nearly stood on the school field watching them do various sports that aren't actually sports, not actually competing because it's a team effort. I know why they do it, but it's a complete mockery of sports to do something so uncompetitive. And having had a non sporty kid (dd) I do think sporty kids should have the 1 afternoon a year to have a chance to shine.

Then dh has been bugging to book a holiday for December. Relented because I found a good deal and have just booked. Dd had a massive flounce as she will miss 3.5 days of school. Fuck sake. Told her to stay here then. She is having 5 days holiday with school, missing 2 days with school, had a day off post d of e and is now stroppy over missing 16th, 17th, 18th December and half day in 19th when I know they do absolutely fuck all learning wise as all their assessments for that term are done.

Told her to stay here if it's that important will save £100 on kennel fees 😂.

Am hot, bothered, aching from yesterday and fed up of trying to please everyone. If we hadn't paid £400 for her belgium trip, plus £130 spending money we could have used that towards a family holiday in the school holidays. Grrrrr.

So had 1 can of lager, will have another and then having a bath, getting pjs on and collapsing.

Longest, Oh God to high-flying friends. I have several of them (or they are married to high-flying husbands). They have, finally, got the message that I can't afford to go out for drinks/dinner (or even a coffee, mostly), and we now generally meet at one another's houses. There are sometimes expensive group meals out, but I just now say I'd love to come, but I can't afford it. It's fine not to go to everything. It's also good for DD to see that I have to say no when I'm invited, as she's always moaning on about how she never gets to do anything or go anywhere expensive with her friends.

If I'd been to Sports Day, I wouldn't be dry either, Frouby.

I have battled my way through the afternoon. DP was unexpectedly free at lunchtime so he invited me to the pub for a glass of wine (I was so hungover that I almost said no). Leaving aside his personality, the wine was very, very nice. White and cold, and we sat outside in the sun. We had just decided to have a second glass when he had to leave suddenly. He suggested I stay for a second on my own, but I said no because I didn't want to look like an alcoholic.

So, since 2PM, I have been absolutely desperate for more wine. I went to Tesco on the way home and stared for ages at the chilled bottles. I even got as far as taking one off the shelf, but I put it back.

Since then, I've had a cup of tea and a small bottle of Fizzero, and I'm still desperate for wine. I'm going to have a can of M&S AF lager now to see if that helps.

I am desperate not to give in. I know that if I do, I'll go through all the embarrassing phone calls, beer fear, self-loathing, tiredness tomorrow etc. Why is it so difficult?????

Ahh Dion I feel your pain. I couldn't stop at 1 glass either.

Just sent dh to chippy for dinner as well. This is why I shouldn't drink.

I don't have any friends really. Well I do. One works in a chemist, one is a carer and the other is signed off sick due to being bipolar 😂😂. So no high flyers there. Dh's friends have some high flyers, men and women. I stopped comparing myself to them ages ago as they aren't actually nice people. Not because they are high flyers but just because they are snidey, keeping up with the joneses small village mentality wankerbastards.

One of the wives once asked me if I regretted not having a career to be a single parent. In a really fucking condescending tone. I said no, because I had been there and done that as the youngest ever qualified financial adviser in the history of a particular international bank, been high flyer for 2 consecutive years, increased the mortgage book by 500%, and been headhunted by another 3 international banks but decided that it was better to take a step back than leave baby dd on a doorstep 😂😂😂

Dion it might not feel it but you are totally winning at today. That is some serious self control.

Make sure you put the effort into congratulating yourself as you would do berating yourself if you'd have gone on a bender.
That's seriously good going.

DP though? Probably as well I don't voice my thoughts there....

Awwww, NC4. That has made me feel a whole lot better. And yes you are right. I'd be self-flagellating like mad if I'd carried on. It does show, though, that I find it easier to be AF than to stop once I've started. Thank God I can go to bed soon.

PMSL at your verdict on DP.

Frouby, that is quite some comeback. Is this financial acumen a reason you're so good at MB?

Probably Dion, am good with figures and probability and profitability and stuff like that.

I was a pretty good bankerwanker. I actually left because I refused to upsell ppi as I was a qualified financial adviser. Which meant I was professionally and personally responsible for the stuff I recommended. If I had done a factfind, and knew ppi was of no benefit I shouldn't sell it.

Apparently my area manager knew better and my uptake % was shite. Never mind I was smashing every other target (apart from will writing service which is also a con, as the bank then is nominated as executor and costs a % of the estate), my ppi was below and I must improve it. Told him that if he wanted to recommend and put his name to it would pass client details on.

That resulted in a disciplinary. Which I contested and was overturned but then area manager had it in for me. So made my life a misery, until I flounced in spectacular fashion one Monday morning.

Had I been older and wiser I would have done it differently but at 23 you think you know it all. I did see him from time to time in my new role in a bank across the road, and took great pleasure in asking him if his sales force was back on the road yet after being suspended by the FSA, and how difficult it must be to be a sales manager with no sales team.

They were the bank who were bailed out hy the taxpayer, mainly because they had to pay millions out due to miss selling ppi.....

Frouby, that is really interesting!

Very tired and achey tonight but AF.

I have a very mixed bag of friends and it really helps me not to feel hard done by in relation to the really high flying ones. I do know my professional life would be a lot easier if I were a man though.

Longest - well done on the childcare stuff

Dion, you're doing amazingly.

Oh god Senseless yes. Mine too.

I was flicking through the Mirror at the gym tonight and was reading about how disadvantaged women are in the pension department due to caring responsibilities.
It scares me, especially with not having a partner to lean on.

That said, I had an extra teenager staying here last weekend because they had no food in at home, so I see us as fortunate. Like I said, it’s all relative.

On a slightly less gloomy note, can I just say.... day five, ladies... day fucking FIVE 🌟

I’m pretty sure there won’t be a day six, but who knows??

Back in the room..

NC4. Day 5!!!!!!!!!! That’s bloody impressive!!

Dion - that was brill moderation yesterday. Especially as you even picked up a chilled bottle. If I see one in a cabinet I salivate!! But to pick it up..it would deffo have come home with me!!

Frouby - really interesting regarding the bank. And good for you with your come back to wankerbastard friends.

Longest - I absolutely know the feeling of not feeling good enough against high flying friends. Dh is incredibly successful in business..I however gave up my career to be a full time mum. I hear him saying how he’s clinched a deal and how he felt proud etc. Then I hear others talking of him. We used to go to a lot of corporate events. A lot of bolllocks small talk....people would shake my hand and the first question would be ‘and what do you do?’ I’d reply ‘I’m a mum!’ And they’d go silent and walk away. I get like shit. Still do when come into contact with people like that. Or if I’m in a social situation and they’re all banging on about work. I sit in silence. I feel I’ve got nothing to add or give to a conversation. Unless they want to hear a new recipe or the latest deal at Sainsbury’s!! Pretty shit and deffo a reason for my love of wine..my confidence has definately taken a knock.

Well, another night of just one glass of wine. Not a full glass either. And a whole bottle of chilled in the fridge. This week I haven’t had more than a glass each night, sometimes just half a glass. But having said that I haven’t had an af day. I felt proud til I looked at the unit calculator and I’m still over my weekly allowance!! It’s a load of tosh!!

Anyway..happy Friday everyone!!

Wow everyone, totally winning there! I was AF too because working late again but got two big things done so hopefully things will calm down a bit. Taking the morning off anyway and ignoring the rest. Is gorgeous sunshine so going for a swim, then I have meeting with dd2's new teacher and her nursery sports day.

Feel bad about moaning. Friends are lovely really and don't try to make me feel inferior, that's my own issues. I think normally I'm able to rationalise that we made different choices is all, it's just this month has been so stressy I have started to query why on earth I made mine. Normally I find it a good balance though, even if I am never going to have to worry about how my house looks when I'm being nterviewed by the Times.

Have new coil again which is a bit crampy but ok.

I’ll interview you for the Guardian Longest. Messy houses are en vogue on the left, and I could do with some features to keep me going over summer. Pick your topic!
Actually, that goes for all of you

The only thing worse than a networking event is a breakfast meeting, in my book. I’m not a morning person and try not to talk to anyone before 11am. And yet, that’s exactly where I’ve been today.
Who hosts a networking thing at 8am?!! Driving there, all I could think was ‘there’d better be pastries’. Luckily there were and it was actually really interesting, about how they plan to regenerate a run down part of our city.
I feel better for strong coffee and a croissant and do actually feel inspired by the plans. Now to get our readers onboard...

I had plenty of time to think of that comeback tho, am not normally so arsey but had suffered the snidey comments and patronising looks for about 4 years. We don't see them much anymore funnily enough 😂😂😂. Dh grew up with them all and used to compare our lives to theirs quite often. What cars they had, what houses they owned, where they were holidaying this year blah blah blah.

They are mostly miserable, at least 1, possibly 2 are having extra marital affairs, their dcs are either little twats or hide behind their mothers and everything they 'own' pretty much is on finance.

They never liked me, am far too common and opinionated for a woman I think. Especially as I started calling them on either sexists or racist comments. I purposely started driving to their gatherings so I was always sober and could see them for what they were a few drinks down, and have my gob ready to say 'did you just say that? It's considered quite racist these days' and 'why, is it because I have a vagina, is that why I won't understand football/politics/work discussions?'. Vile people.

They don't invite us to the annual BBQs anymore 😂😂😂.

Just blitzed the house, well downstairs anyway and then off to ds summer fayre this afternoon.

We are all doing so well lately with moderation and dryness. Am not sure what I will do tonight, I ought to work for a few hours later, but we pass the pub on the way home and it's likely to be an early finish from school so I may accidentally fall in there for a couple of halves if I can corrupt any of the other mums.

Really need to chuck hoover round upstairs but it's so warm and stuffy.

Haha NC4, think the article would end up being about living in a health hazard, .

I know quite a few people looking for publicity for climate stuff though if that's ever of interest.

Swim was so lovely. Going to try and squeeze in more of those, but it'll be harder in school holidays.

At school waiting for appointment about dd2. SEN teacher bumped into me and asked after dd1. She said she is her own person but is growing into herself and will go far in life. Reassuring I think!

Hello, just checking in & skimmed recent posts. I'm another poor relation with wealthy friends. Sometimes it bothers me but mostly not.

I've done 2 AF days this week & think that will be it. We have a BBQ party tomorrow & I'm a bit stressed there could be up to 100 folk coming. More like 40-50 hopefully but there's a lot that haven't replied & May turn up. I know I have only myself to blame ☹️ I usually buy too much stuff & then get fed up with lots leftover but worried I haven't got enough now. Still have to go & invite a few neighbours 😬. Looking forward to this time tomorrow when it will be over!

Even though I have drank the last 2 nights, I haven't finished the bottle which is a first. This thread is defo helping. think it's a substitute to office life as it's helpful to have somewhere to 'report to'.

Will wait until 8pm to imbibe this eve, even though I feel I could knock it all back now. The only upside is that it has forced me to sort out the house a bit!

Hope everyone is coping ok

Buckeejit I wouldn't worry about food, people normally bring stuff to a barbecue, but where are you going to put all those bodies??

Well done on leaving some in the bottle.

God I am knackered now. Actually did a fair amount of swimming, then school meeting, then sports day, then playdate, then more work. Was a pretty good day though.

Dd1's friend who came to play is not one of her usual crew but they were playing well together on the camping trip and wanted to get together again. She's adopted, with some mild SEN, and school find her a bit tricky I think, but I found her easier to manage than the precocious crew dd1 usually favours, and she was very happy to come, so I will try and nurture that friendship I think. The other friend I enjoy having round is very clever and creative - she and dd1 play some lovely games, but a couple of the mums from school were commenting this morning that her parents are over-pushy and that she never seems very happy. I'm not sure that's fair. She's an only child living in a small flat with no garden so her parents do a lot of educational type activities with her at home - music and sewing etc, and they're always the first to know if there's a kids' science fair or craft workshop or whatever, but I don't consider them pushy- they're as keen to make sure she has fresh air and exercise as much as anything and the girl runs like the wind and climbs like a monkey. It did make me wonder about my own parenting style though as i think I have more in common with that family than most others at her school, though dd1 is nowhere near as good at music and spelling!

Frouby I enjoyed your tales of awful work people! I would never have been that self-assured in my 20s - not sure I'd even manage it now. The trouble is my friends aren't awful people, at least I don't think so, the guy who was being interviewed by the Times is one of my favourite people. We lived together in our student days and he has always been a big brother figure. You are right that money and privilege don't necessarily buy happiness though - there was quite a lot of mental health chat.

I so love all these insights into all of your lives, fellow Tryers.

As Longest says, Frouby, I'd never have said anything like that in my 20s. I'm late forties still quite young, and I wouldn't say anything now. As DP said, I'm "so fucking good-natured". I thought it was the one thing I had going for me, until he turned it into an insult.

Bucket, did you really write 100 people?!? Bloody Hell.

As for you, NC4, I am gobsmacked by Day 5. And I think you will have nailed Day 6.

I would like to say I left some in the bottle for Swampy, but I haven't, so he can sod off.

However, I'm still pleased that I didn't carry on yesterday. This is my reward to myself.

Did someone mention tippy houses? I had to ask DD to move her shoes (among other things) from the kitchen table so we could get near enough to eat.

I was a proper arsehole in my 20s and early 30s 😂😂😂. Chippier than the McCain factory, have relaxed a bit now and am a lot more tolerant, but even less likely to put up with blatantly horrible behaviour than before because I am not bothered if I end up friendless. I have 3 really good friends, 4 actually as 1 friend is a couple (who have just been) and then people I am friendly with, and my lovely cousin who I am very close to, and then 1 lovely sister who I am very close to. They are an eclectic bunch. One of my favourite people in the world is my xndn, who is 20 years older than me, a proper character and very very intelligent and perceptive but a proper old hippy type. I say hippy but he is more like a pirate lol. Talking of money and success he is incredibly wealthy independently not that you would ever guess. He's turned up tonight in a tshirt dh gave him, and a pair of combats he must have had for at least 10 years.

He knows about lots and lots of things, is engaged politically but never forces his opinion on anyone and is interested in what others view are and why, is never misogynistic but doesn't treat me like one of the boys, but never patronised me even though I am 20 years younger.

He's the sort of friend you phone at 3am and say meet me and bring shovels and plastic bags and he does as well as a flask of coffee and a pick up truck he's borrowed from a geezer he knows 😂😂😂. Will find a photo of him, he's fabulous.

Him and his partner have just been to drop a cake off for dds birthday bless them. His partner is my age, as mad as a box of frogs but incredibly warm and loving. I only met her last year a few weeks before we got married and I feel like I have known her years, she's lovely.

They are so far removed from dhs 'friends'. They are honest as they come, not a single side to them, funny, kind and loyal and I never feel judged or like I have to put an act on,they just like us for who we are. As far removed from either the bankerwankers I worked with, or dhs friends as could be. And I am now confident enough to say I would rather be at home alone than out in company I don't enjoy.

My other 2 friends are my current ndn who picked me some worming medicine up today and whose ds I take kayaking, and the owner of the stables I keep my ponies at who I have been friends with for 20 odd years. She's a knobber but she's my knobber.

Not dry tonight but not soaking, 3 bottles of beer and 1 can so moderate really for a friday. Tomorrow will be wet, party at ndns for her ds 16th.