Wankerbastards will upset us that try, but we will still be dry. Or dryer at a push. It's a good job we are not in a rush.

[Frouby]

Thread 6 for the Tryers to be Dryers.

Support thread for reducing alcohol, stopping alcohol, monitoring alcohol. All welcome, absolutely no judgement. Whatever your aims with alcohol come and join us here. Lots of swearing but no judging or criticising.

Previous threads dotted around but can never do clicky links.

NC4 - how was the date?

Longest - childcare issues are shit. Makes you feel so guilty. Guilty about work plus guilty about farming kids out. Horrid. Hope you manage to sort it lovely.

Cotton - that’s moderation in my eyes overall. Don’t beat yourself up lovely.

I had wayyy too much Friday night, then half a bottle sat. Last night we went out. Walked to the local pub which is gorgeous. Had last few hours watching the world go by. Had a bottle overall I’d say. Tried to water it down by asking for spritzers!! Also drank a bottle of water while walking there.
Really don’t like the hungover feeling though. Having had a couple of af days in the last couple of weeks, I realise now that this feeling IS a hangover and not just tiredness.
I’m aiming for af tonight.

Thanks flossie. Let's get this Monday marked off..quite easy for me as driving 4 hours, but will need to avoid buying anything when I stop for food in coop!

Really feel weird about not seeing my children till Wednesday. Really don't feel I was connected enough with them these past few days and it was a funny handover. I feel I'm not giving them enough and / or they're growing away from me. I know they get older and they're not babies any more but I'm afraid I'm messing everything up; the stress of being a single parent has made me too relaxed or even positive about every step they take away from me; I feel disconnected and out of sorts. I'd love to give my girls a cuddle, read with them and tuck them in tonight :(

Senseless, so sorry you’re feeling this way. How old are your girls??
Being a single parent is hard. It’s tough to stand alone with that responsibility. I remember when I was single with ds. I turned to wine to help me.
How long have you been single? I do think that, as our children get older, they gain their wings and do learn independence to stand alone, meaning they don’t need you as much emotionally, as well as physically. Although having said that, also, as they grow, they do come back to you with emotional needs in fluctuations. But then stand independent again in between.
My ds is 22 now. I only hear from him when he needs me emotionally, or for cash!! Otherwise..I can truly say he’s flown.
Sending you a big hug 🤗

senseless it's a horrid feeling but your dcs will be fine, and I sometimes think forced seperations sometimes do relationships with dcs good. I always felt a bit like that when dd went to her dads, but the appreciated my weekend all the more.

Off to fatclub shortly. Won't be brilliant but I think it's a loss. Have eaten crap thurs/fri/sat this week, plus beers. However, the fact that I am still losing, albeit slowly, shows just how much weight was coming from the alcohol.

Had DH off work fml. He's been ill since Saturday. By ill, I mean hungover, plus d and v this morning. He had diverticulitis about 8 years ago, nearly died from complications of it and I think it's flaring up again, mainly due to him drinking too much, then eating crap which he just can't cope with. Sent him to the GP with strict instructions to tell him everything, came back with diarolyte and a gastroenteritis diagnosis. Asked him if he had told him everything, the frequency of the d and v because gastro doesn't happen every fucking weekend.

Anyway. Words have been had. We will see if he changes his ways. If he gets ill again have told him I am not dealing with it because it's self inflicted and at 41 I don't deserve to have to nurse my husband because he has disregarded his health for so long.

Anyway, had a busy day. Been to ponies this morning, worked until 4pm, off to fatclub now. Got hairdressers straight from school tmrw, gas safety check in afternoon then swimming (if gas man been), then kayaking.

It looks like there is an adult lesson tomorrow evening so might join in with that, burn some more calories off. Have looked at kayaking/canoeing grading and going to work through them if I can, purely to give me something to focus on. And booking some lessons for me and BabyPony as well. Reckon my savings on gin, wine ans takeaways will pay for them!

Kayak gradings are a great thing for you to do frouby. It really is the most amazing feeling being on the water. So calm and free. I used to instruct kayaking. Loved it so much and felt my kayak was part of my own body! I’m desperate to get back in one. My girls want to also. Dh cannot swim and is holding us back as I feel bad doing it without him. I’ve booked him a kayak 1:1 lesson for Saturday. I obviously could teach him but I think we’d be in divorce courts by end of the lesson so best not!! So hopefully once he’s done a lesson, we can all go. Obviously I’d have to be 1:1 with dd2. But dd1 can kayak fine. I just don’t want to be left looking after dh.
The freedom is awesome. Really go for it!!
Sorry to hear about your dh. Hope he feels better soon. Frustrating for you

I've been thinking the same, too, Senseless and NC4. I hate the thought of going completely AF. I just want to be able to enjoy a drink or two. But for whatever reason, I have slithered into not being able to do that.

That said, I was forced to do it last night. I made a lasagne and chucked some cheapo Sainsbury's crap red into it, therefore leaving about 2/3 bottle which I shared with the DC (I had more than they did, needless to say, but even then it would have been under half a bottle). I then wanted to carry on, but there was no wine left so I'd have had to go to the Spar and I couldn't be bothered. So I had some Doritos instead, on the grounds that they probably had fewer calories than wine .

Oh God - sodding technology. I just came to check in, and it has only just posted the post I wrote this morning!! Not to worry. I will catch up now...

the stress of being a single parent has made me too relaxed or even positive about every step they take away from me

Senseless, you put it so well. I feel exactly like this. I seem to have gone from fussing over them all the time to the absolute reverse. And I know I am a better, nicer, more patient parent on the few nights I manage to be AF.

Flossie, I'm glad to hear you sounding more positive. As for the kayaking: you go for it, especially as your DDs want to as well. My XH loved skiing, and he would never go and do it because I didn't want to and he didn't want to do it without me. It was such a shame - I used to tell him to go with his friends, and really meant that he should (I wasn't being passive aggressive - I just thought it was really important for us both to do things we liked, though in practice I only ever looked after the children ). I can't swim either, or I'd be kayaking as well! I hope your DH's lesson convinces him that it would be fun.

Frouby, I'm really sorry to hear about your DH. Men are a law unto themselves. But good for you for laying the law down. I'd probably be apologising to him for the fact that he eats badly. Good luck with Fatclub. It's a sobering thought (almost literally) that you have lost so much weight since you drank less.

NC4, I'm sorry the date wasn't a keeper, but it was worth a shot.

Good that you've managed to sort out some of the holidays, Longest. God, they're long. I think we have about 2 days accounted for, overall. DD will probably spend 9 weeks lying on her bed, and will then be "too busy" to put her plate in the dishwasher.

Had a glass of wine at lunchtime, given to me by someone else. I would gladly have carried on, but the offer wasn't repeated, so I couldn't. It will take a lot of will power not to start again now. However, I might have to collect DS from a friend's house, so that will force my hand.

Flossie am really enjoying it, but do like a certificate and feeling as though I am working towards something. Plus if I get to the second star award and then do the rescue course thing, I can volunteer to give support on the lake when the kids are in which I don't mind doing. Will probably take a while but that's ok.

I am getting better slowly, actually managed quite a distance in a straight line on Saturday 😂😂. Some of the techniques are similar to horse riding, using your core to balance and power, and your feet and legs to direct it as well as looking where you want to go, and at least a kayak is probably slightly easier to not fall off.

Nearly clambered on BabyPony this morning, then the bit of stolen traffic barrier I was standing on wobbled quite dramatically and I fell off that. Charlotte Dujardin is definitely safe in her throne as Queen Of Dressage for a while yet 😂.

1lb off at fatclub making it 11 in total. Happy with that considering I am hardly following it, just reduced bread and booze. I can quite happily live with how I am eating at the moment and am fairly comfortable with what I am drinking most weeks.

Dion I am definetly trying to lay the law down, though he is an adult and it has to come from him. It should be a lot easier for him to moderate, I have managed with him positively encouraging me to drink when I didn't want to. So he should be able to manage at least 4 dry days. He already does 2 generally, Saturday and sunday. But then drinks between 6 to 10 cans mon to friday each night. And maybe on a saturday if we have plans.

He doesn't have to stop, or even have more dry days, just drastically reduce the amount he is drinking.

His diet is rubbish because he eats crap at work to combat the hangovers. White bread, crisps, cooked breakfasts, burgers etc. Then at a weekend he is constantly eating crap and wants a takeaway on a Saturday rather than him cook which is what he is suppposed to do.

This week he announced in front of both dcs that he fancied pizza hut for tea, and asked if they did too. We were supposed to be having steak that he was cooking but then I end up being the bad guy saying no.

Going to sort my freezer out and do a bit of batch cooking I think, that way if he starts pulling faces I can just cook something easy for myself and he can have pizza or kebab or something. If I stop going along with it, he might think twice.

Frouby, your dh sounds like he needs re training. And you are definately the one who can do that. Go girl!! Must be so hard watching him wreak havoc with his health. Especially when you have to pick up the pieces.

I’m in two minds as to whether to have a glass of red wine tonight. Know I wanted to be af tho. Just feel pretty gutted tonight. Without going into too much detail, dd2 has literally lost the plot about her illness. Kicked right off. Refusing to comply with anything that points to her being different. All in all been pretty tough. I strive for her to have as normal existence as possible, I really do. In fact, so much so that I’m faced with a lot of folk questioning me!! But it seems that’s not quite enough for her now, and she is completely non compliance. Literally shutting doors in her own face sadly. Just as people start to help her.
As for that glass of red..I actually want the whole fucking bottle!! Life’s so not fair sometimes. Hate watching her poorly. But now I’m watching her suddenly realise how poorly she is!! Fml

Flossie, that is so hard for her (and you). I can see why she doesn't want to comply - complying would be a form of accepting that she has these problems. And she won't want to do that. But how difficult for you all. Huge hugs to you both. I agree with you about hangovers/tiredness too. I write myself off as either knackered or a bit ill, but in fact I'm mildly hungover most days.

Frouby, you have been an absolute star with your moderation, especially when DH is trying to tempt you. Has he realised that you're getting more done, have lost weight, and feel generally better??

Am having to wait to collect DS, so am struggling through the evening thanks to crisps and M&S Fizzero.

Dion, what’s M&S fizzero??

Flossie, I love it. It's like Prosecco, but it's AF. It's not cheap (£3.75 for 750ml, I think), but I can make a bottle last two nights. They've just started doing mini bottles, too. The rose one is also nice. Obviously you don't get the good fuzzy feeling, but you do at least feel as if you're drinking something a bit nicer than soft drinks. and I have never added gin to it on a few occasions I hate all other AF wines, btw - wasted £7 on a bottle in Waitrose and chucked it away as it was so disgusting [not envy]

Wow. I’ll grab myself a bottle!! Not bad price as cheaper than wine I guess!!
Apparently the g&t in M&S is good too....

Had less than half a glass of white tonight. Just as a taste as cooking dinner. Then poured a large red with dinner, took one sip and poured it away!! Pretty chuffed with myself. But still cannot say I was AF, however couldn’t get much closer!

Flossie, Senseless, so sorry you're going through tough times with dds. And Frouby too with DH. Dion, well done on AT evening. I have been AF because only just finished work. Bit fed up but every cloud. X

I did some goal setting with my PT tonight, thinking about core values and what I want from life. He really is one of my favourite people. He makes me stop and think about what I’m doing with my life, then he makes
me lift weights 😂
Anyway, I feel more focused for it. First day 2 for a while this.

Longest - well done on af. Sorry work was rubbish tho.

NC4 - wow that man sounds like I need him in my life!! An inspiring character. How often can you see him?? I’d have him move in with me 😂. He sounds perfect!! 😍

Well I’ve woken up sooooo much brighter. I felt I slept better. Although I still woke up a couple of times, I feel more rested, clear headed, and able to cope with life today!! I haven’t got that guilt that drowns me usually when I wake. That feeling of ‘what the hell am I doing to myself’. The guilt of not being a good parent, ratty, short tempered and pissed off. I feel happy, interested, and ready.
So why I don’t I allow myself to feel this every day?? Why do I take this chance away from myself??

Those are the questions I ask myself every time I wake up after an AF night, Flossie. It feels like a treat. So why don't I treat myself every night?? Think your moderation yesterday was great, and definitely counts as AF. My glass of wine at lunchtime counts as AF too, as I didn't carry on (this is a bigger challenge than saying no in the first place).

Day 2, NC4. Yay!!! I'll be fighting Flossie for your PT.

That's a very long work day, Longest. Hope today is a bit less full on.

Flossie it's sooooo hard to get AF days consistently. I find I have to have something naice and grown up to drink instead during the witching hour. Becks blue is pretty good, but I also have dilute ginger cordial, diet coke, fizzy dry ginger, and normal cordial in otherwise I struggle.

Being busy during that time, and also bizarrely just sitting down with a nice soft drink at the time I usually would with a beer or gin all help.

Fatclub has helped massively, mainly because I don't particularly count syns 😂😂. Am just trying to eat better, smaller portions, more fruit and veg and less bread. Have also upped my protein a bit, just because I am not picking at crisps and nuts. The easyish weight loss is definitely giving me motivation!

But that feeling in a morning definetly helps. Got up at 6am today, done some washing, tidied the kitchen, put pots and pans away from last night, tidied upstairs a little bit, hoovered round downstairs and sorted the throws out on the sofa, drank 2 coffees, done an invoice and clipped ds toenails! Wouldn't have done that if I had been hanging 🙈.

Off to hairdressers straight from school run and need to do a big shop at some point today. Have got gas safety check this afternoon, and kayaking later.

Could have done with getting up at 5am, am soooooooo ready for the school holidays. I know it's a nightmare for childcare for some of us, but am hoping I can work round the dcs.

Am taking a couple of weeks off and just going to relax with the dcs. Am anticipating a request for childcare from one of the school mums and am already thinking of excuses. She has just this week applied for a got a new job. Her old job was 2 x 12 hour day shifts week 1, 2 x 12 hour night shifts weekend 2. Which worked quite well for her as her ds is at his dads the weekend she works. However, her partner is a full weight wankerbastard, cheats (dickpic anyone?) and goes on massive coke and beer binges the weekend she is working. So shes changed to working in a private nursery so she can have family time both weekends. What she really means is she wants to be home to keep an eye on him.

So she has 6 weeks of school holidays to find cover for at short notice. Plus she will be leaving her ds an awful lot more than before but is saying it's for his benefit. Am all for the sisterhood and helping folk out but I won't be putting myself out for her. I wouldn't ever ask her to have ds (I don't trust her partner or her dogs) so won't ever be reciprocal and her issues are caused by the fact that she puts a man who sent dick pics to one of her friends while she was on a night shift and asked if she fancied a go, while blowing his tax rebate on coke.

It's not for me.

Dh gone to work, feels much better apparently, that gastro must have gone. Yeah mate, that's your kidneys recovering a bit ya knobber.

I can relate to a lot of the health and social stuff going on here.
Frouby my mum is like your DH. She has type 2 diabetes which is caused by poor diet but she won’t control it properly. She was telling me last week she thinks she’s developing neuropathy in her feet because it’s not under control. She lives in a remote village with no amenities or public transport, it’s only about half an hour from me but it still seems to take most of the day to go and visit, and she won’t hear of moving somewhere nearer.
I’m really worried about how she’ll cope when it advances further, which it inevitably will. If she loses mobility it will fall on us.

And Flossie DS refuses to have anything to do with anything that marks him out as different. He knows he has autism and even acknowledges it gives him some superpowers but he won’t engage in any type of therapy or support.

You’ll have to form an orderly queue for my PT. I always think his girlfriend is very lucky. He is a lovely young man. He’s only 25 and totally ripped - basically my opposite, but we’ve become good friends over the years.

Morning all. Impressive stuff going on here with the moderation.

I had s couple of glasses last night with boyfriend. Nothing major, no regrets. I'll have to be careful this evening as I'm childfree, car free and will be leaving work seething with pent up rage. For various reasons. So I need to plan how to get running instead of drinking.

Flossie, sorry to hear about your daughter.

Lots of family issues for us all. Worrying about parents is the worst.

Have a good day everyone

I'll have to be careful this evening as I'm childfree, car free and will be leaving work seething with pent up rage.

I turn into a complete student when my kids go away for the weekend Senseless. I'm determined to make it to the gym tonight though, even though I have about a million things to do between now and then.

Let's hold each other to account?

I caught myself in the mirror earlier. Day three and my jaw looks sharper. I've not lost any weight or anything - I just don't have the prosecco puff that I have been carrying round for the last few days. I also feel a lot more focussed on my work than I usually do.

I need to not ruin this myself now...